Should it worry me when...

I drop Josh off at school, and he is participating in "crazy hair week", but I can't tell which kids are and which are just wearing their normal style...

Happy Monday!

I'm an Aunt!

(Okay, so it's my 12th time as aunt, but it's still VERY exciting!) This is my brother and his wife, Jim and Renee, and introducing Elijah Aaron was born May 13th at 3:18 pm, 7 lb 11 oz, 20 inches long. Congratulations Jim and Renee! What a miracle your family has experienced over the last couple of years. Elijah is like the exclamation point on all that God has done! I love you all!

Heavy Heart

Today, my heart is heavy for many situations...

Myanmar: The tragedy of many killed, injured, left without food, shelter or medical care with a government unable to provide the necessary care and unwilling to accept help... My sister-in-law spent about three months teaching English in an orphanage in Myanmar in 2006. Praise God the orphanage and its occupants were unharmed! She and my brother are terribly burdened for this area and the government's lack of response to the needs of their people.

Joplin and other tornado-hit areas of the weekend: Many tornado victims. One I know of first-hand was reported to me by a friend of mine who attends Forrest Avenue Baptist Church in Joplin. Their interim music minister, his wife, his 12-year-old son, and his mother-in-law were killed when the storm picked up their SUV and flipped it. They have a surviving daughter, a sophomore in college, who was not with the family at the time. Please pray for Kali, who lost her entire immediate family in a single blow.

China: Today's earthquake's death toll is already in the 8,000's. Per my last blog, Josh is heading to China in less than a month. He already knows several people there, and we pray for their safety and for the Chinese Christians and missionaries to minister God's love and grace, praying such tragedy will open hearts that have previously been closed to the Gospel.

In all these tragedies, my heart is heavy for the thousands who have slipped into eternity without so much as hearing the Good News of Jesus Christ. I have to admit my first response to hearing of the China earthquake was fear and a harder grip on my son. But, as I have processed it, though there is still an element of fear and the whole aspect of missing him, I fervently pray that God will use him to show many Chinese the way to Christ while he is there. My friend, we are not guaranteed even one more breath in this life. We do not know what the next moment will bring. Those thoughts that fill our days are largely centered on things that will not matter outside of time. What of the eternal state of those who meet such unexpected death? What of those who have pursued earthly endeavors with fervor, who have perhaps sought out knowledge of things big or small, only to wake up in eternity to find they missed the most important Truth? What about we who have have this Treasure in earthen vessels and somehow don't let the glorious Gospel shine upon this world? Dear God, by your grace alone please burden us and empower us to shine your Light brightly to this lost and dying world! We are completely incapable and powerless to do so without You. You have demonstrated Your power in nature in amazing ways of late! I pray for a demonstration of Your power to save such as we have never experienced before. Use me, God. Use all of your children. Make us willing givers of your glorious Gospel!

Letting Go

A year ago there were three specific situations in my life that were causing me a great deal of anxiety. One was a financial issue. Two involved a child, specifically Josh (AKA "Punk"). He was preparing at that time to go to China for 18 days and immediately upon his return would begin high school at Raytown High after being homeschooled since second grade. One day as I was driving by the high school, I thought about how many times I had driven that very route, and about the fact that the road has remained the same, though many other things have changed over the years. At that instant the thought occurred to me that in a year, all of the issues that were causing me to fret would be in the past. The things, however, that are most dear to me would never change. The comfort came.

It is a year later. Today as I type this, I have but one thing causing me to fret. One month from today, Josh will again be going to China, but this year he will be spending 64 days away from home. I have to admit, though I am excited for this opportunity for him, I have already shed many tears. (My tear bottle in heaven is HUGE!) My fretting is not so much worry for his safety, for long ago I realized it is not I who keeps my children safe. I am completely comfortable with the fact the God has ordained this trip as He has opened all the doors to make it happen. My fretting stems from the fact that I dearly enjoy all my children, and the thought of one of them being so far away for such a long time is, well, gut-wrenching. I fret at the anticipated sorrow. The other night, Josh was spending some snuggle time with Judson and made a comment about how he would miss Jud while he was gone. That, of course, led my mind down that path I work so hard to avoid -- the inevitable mix of joy and sorrow in motherhood. The joy is watching my children grow into what I have prayed they would over these fleeting growing-up years. The sorrow is just how quickly those years pass to this season when my fingers must be pried away one by one! Last year as some of those fingers were being forced up, I sought comfort from my sister, whose three children are grown and married. To my horror, she said that the letting go does not get easier! This year, I face the distinct possibility that after another year, my child may be a foreign exchange student in China for an entire school year. This year, I watched as the seniors were honored at our church, all the while thinking, "In three short years..." This year more than ever, I face the fact that if things continue on this seemingly God-ordained path, this child, who I dedicated to God nearly 15 years go, will be spending most of his adult life "far, far away". (Uh, God, when I prayed they would follow You passionately all their days, I really didn't anticipate that path would lead so far from home...)

As I have prayed for the grace to turn my sorrow into something more productive, to focus on the joy at the fact that my children are thus far following God with passion (and prayed for at least the grace to control my tears!), my thoughts have turned to Hannah and Samuel. This is a story that has long fascinated me. In I Samuel 1 we meet Hannah who is in great sorrow because she does not have a child, and her husband's other wife does have children. In verse 6, the Bible says that her "enemy provoked her sore to make her fret because God" had closed her womb. It's an interesting choice of word, "enemy". The Hebrew could have been translated "rival wife". This speaks to me that all my fretting comes from one source alone , the enemy Peter refers to when he says Satan is like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour. God certainly does not intend us to fret over our situations. He is, after all, fully aware and fully in control. What really amazes me about this story is that after waiting for this child for so many years, she very willingly takes Samuel to the temple after he is weaned and gives him back to God. The Bible doesn't tell us what her emotions were as she traveled with Samuel, knowing she would be leaving him "far, far away", to see him but once a year. What it does tell us is that she not only took her long-awaited son to give to God, but she also took three bullocks, an ephah of flour and a bottle of wine to sacrifice. In a situation where most of us would say this particular sacrifice was over and above our "reasonable service", she brought even more. See, she realized Samuel was not really hers to begin with. When the Bible says she lent him to the Lord as long as he would live, that word "lent" just means she was giving back to God what was God's all along. Her first response to "letting go" was to give even more than her child. Her second response, in chapter 2, was worship. She worshipped the God who gave her Samuel, even when the time came to let go of him. If you are familiar with the story, you know that Samuel became a very significant prophet in Israel. What if she had been unwilling to let him go? My children may or may not be widely known for their faith and their walk with God, but God does have a significant plan for each of their lives -- for all of our lives. (Remember Hebrews 11, the "hall of faith"? Does not the end of that chapter recognize the significance of the "hall of faithers" who were too numerous to name, but whose names God knows?)

My mind also travels to Abraham and Isaac. After waiting many, many years for the miracle of his son, Isaac, God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac in an act of worship. Abraham does not even argue or try to "reason" with God. He simply trusts and obeys. God stops Abraham just before he slays Isaac and commends him saying, "Lay not thy hand upon the lad, neither do thou any thing unto him: for now I know that thou fearest God, seeing thou hast not withheld thy son, thine only son from me." An amazing story!

So, I have to ask myself these questions as I embark on this letting go season of life:

1. Am I going to let my enemy cause me to fret?

2. Am I willing to give back to God what has been His all along?

3. Am I willing to give even more?

4. Am I able to worship and rejoice as I do?

5. Do I fear God enough that I will not withhold my children from Him?

This brings me back to yesterday's blog. ALL of life is by grace through faith. This letting go is beyond my natural ability. Giving even more? Beyond my natural ability. Worshipping and rejoicing as I do? Beyond my natural ability. Fearing God as I should? Beyond my natural ability. However, I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me by grace through faith. My desire for my children to have significant faith in their Creator necessarily brings me to this point of letting go -- even when it happens earlier than anticipated! The letting go begins now as I watch my eldest go far, far away for the summer. If you read this, please pray for Josh as he follows God to China. And please pray for me as I follow God to letting go -- by grace through faith.

Perspective

A sermon I heard Sunday put a bit of a different perspective on familiar truths. The perspective was not so radical that anyone could take issue with it, but it is, I believe, potentially life changing. I am convinced, that though many Christians believe salvation and "big" things we do for God are through His grace and power alone, we do not exercise that same belief in daily living and "Christian disciplines". Isn't it my responsibility to be disciplined enough to read and pray daily? Isn't it my responsibility to walk through the mundane things in my life in a Christ-like manner? No! ALL of life is by grace through faith. It is God who works in us BOTH to will and to do what He calls us to do. What did He call us to do? Follow Him. Follow Him to my Bible. Follow Him to His Throne of Grace. Follow Him to my kitchen, to work, to my laundry room, to my school books, to my "taxi" job, to the grocery store, to the dance studio, to my lawnmower, to the books I read, to the conversations I have, to my interactions with my family, to my ministries at church. That's it. It's that simple. Follow Him. The preacher said it like this, "Stop trying to be something and let God make you into what you can never be." Yes, I need those "Christian disciplines" in my life -- praying, reading my Bible, fasting, etc. But, I will fail miserably if I try to do them by my own will. I'll either fail by not following through with those good intentions and/or fail to experience the joy of God-empowered daily living. In place of joy will likely be disappointment -- in myself and/or in God because I did everything I was "supposed" to do but... The whole thing, all of life from salvation to eternity is by grace through faith. What beautiful freedom we have to enjoy life more abundantly! I'm responsible for only one thing -- Follow Christ.

Earthen Vessel: Quirky Tag

Quirky Tag

I've been tagged by Amanda. I'll play along, but this will take some thought. Six unspectacular quirky things about myself...

1. I have a hard time sitting still. In fact, that is the most challenging thing about my job as a medical transcriptionist.

2. I find it difficult to pray when I am not moving. This is NOT related to number one. A few years ago I found that the best time to pray is when I'm out walking or jogging early in the morning -- can't fall asleep and/or get interrupted. The drawback is on those rare occasions the weather does not cooperate, I have to walk around in my house or on my covered patio while I pray in order to concentrate. Hmm, maybe it is related to number one...

3. I have a "black thumb of death" rather than a green thumb when it comes to growing things, which is a real bummer as I love flowers, fresh veggies, etc.

4. I have an eye phobia. I fear being poked in the eyes. I have no idea where this phobia came from, but I could definitely be goggle queen!

5. I'm not good with toenails -- especially on other adults. I don't like someone else to manicure my toenails, and I don't like to do someone else's toenails -- especially the clipping part. Polishing isn't so bad.

6. I have overcome my fear of spiders, thanks to my children. I have grown from having dreams of spider-covered hallway walls and taking literally days to move an encyclopedia off a recently crushed spider to killing them with my bare hands! Oh yeah, I am spider woman!

Here are the rules:
* Link the person who tagged you
* Mention the rules in your blog
* Tell about six unspectacular quirks of yours
* Tag six following bloggers by linking them
* Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged

Uh, I'm going to have to explore the world of blogging to come up with six bloggers. I'm sort of a loner in the blogging world at this point. I'll work on that one as time allows. If anyone has suggestions of who I can tag, please do pass them along. Those of you who are just readers and not bloggers -- get a blog and play tag with me! :o) Sadly, my blogging exploration time is fairly limited until school's out, so until June...