Little Lessons with Big Impacts

We are just days away from Josh leaving for China. Many people have asked me about being fearful for his safety. I cannot honestly say I am completely without fear, but amazingly, my fear level is pretty low. As I thought about this, I was reminded of an incident that happened when Josh was just a preschooler. We were coming out of the library with Josh on his little bike and me following close behind. We were headed down a sidewalk next to a fairly busy street. Before I realized what had happened, he had lost control, was headed off the sidewalk and directly toward the busy street, destined to land right in the path of oncoming traffic. Close as I was, I had not reacted quickly enough to stop him and watched in horror as this event was unfolding. Just before he reached the road, it was as though someone pushed his bike over, and he landed safely in the grass next to the curb. My heart was pounding, and I felt horrible that I had been unable to keep my small son from near disaster. At that moment, a small, but very distinct and memorable Voice whispered in my heart, "It is not you that keeps your son safe. It is I." This whole event was over in a matter of seconds, but the impact it left on my heart was long lasting. I will never forget it, and rest in the comfort that it IS God who keeps my children very capably, safely in His hands. I am responsible as a steward, but ultimately, He is their Protector and their Guide. I thank God for this lesson learned early in my motherhood -- and for the countless other he has taught me though these precious gifts, my children.

High Places

Recently, the phrase "high places" has been a recurring theme in my life. I have started reading the book, Hinds' Feet in High Places by Hannah Hurnard based on Habakkuk 3:19, "The LORD God is my strength, and he will make my feet like hinds’ feet, and he will make me to walk upon mine high places." At the same time I was studying King Josiah in 2 Chronicles 34:1, who, by the way, is an excellent example of what God can do with a life that seeks Him from a young age. In Josiah's quest to follow God, he purged Judah and Israel from the high places. These are two very different references to high places in the Bible. Thus began my more in-depth study of high places.

Interestingly, both of these high places -- the good high places in Habakkuk and the bad high places in 2 Chronicles -- are translated from the same Hebrew word. A good example of our tendency to take the things God intends for His purposes and use them for something completely different... What are high places? I believe they represent how we handle circumstances in life -- from the slightly uncomfortable to the extremely uncomfortable. Isaiah 40:31 says, "But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." I believe this represents the high places God desires to take us. Often, however, we tend to seek more immediate, tangible relief from our stresses, even under the guise of religious activity.

As I skimmed the references to "high places" on Online Bible, a sad story began to emerge. Through the history of all the kings of Judah and Israel, the vast majority of them -- even the good kings -- failed to remove the high places in which the people sacrificed to pagan gods. These unholy practices had been such a part of their culture, it seemed unthinkable and unnecessary for them to remove them. In essence, their excuses likely came down to "everybody's doing it" and "it doesn't hurt anything". They had become so accustomed to the unholiness, that it no longer seemed unholy to them. To remove the high places was too uncomfortable and too restrictive.

Recently, it came to my attention that I view some of life through that lens of being uncomfortable and restrictive. For instance, I have had a tendency to see our "barely making ends meet" status, now so exacerbated by rising gas and grocery costs, as just that -- restrictive, uncomfortable. I have allowed it to be such a burden, I have failed to enjoy the miraculous ways in which God has provided for us. Truly, I have seen His blessing and provision from a curse-perspective! How sad! My viewpoint has been from an earthly perspective, desiring the comfort of a little more wiggle room in the financial department. What joy I have missed!

God is calling us to view high places from His perspective. Sadly, the vast majority of references to high places in the Bible are negative... How many times do Christians choose alternate high places -- from religious activity to unholy practices that have been part of our culture for so many years we have become comfortable with their unholy nature? In fact, to remove those things from our lives would seem very restrictive and uncomfortable. So, when other Christians point out the unholiness of these activities, we are quick to say they are legalistic and narrow-minded. I think we often choose to use the high places to which God has called us in a manner other than He intended. Are we viewing His call to dwell solely with Him in the high places of life as restrictive and uncomfortable -- forcing us to let go of those things that give us false security and failing to recognize unholiness? What if... what if.... what if we changed our perspective and saw instead the great freedom that comes from letting go of all the "weight and sin which doth so easily beset us"? What if we trusted that in answering his call to live a holy life in the high places with him we could experience a life with our heavenly Father that we have never imagined possible? What if we came to know our God on a completely different, more intimate level?

This is what God is calling me to do. This is my newest challenge -- and one I am very much looking forward to -- by His grace and His power. What about you? Can we together be one of the references to the good high places or will we join the vast majority who choose to use the high places in a compromising manner?

Should it worry me when...

I drop Josh off at school, and he is participating in "crazy hair week", but I can't tell which kids are and which are just wearing their normal style...

Happy Monday!

I'm an Aunt!

(Okay, so it's my 12th time as aunt, but it's still VERY exciting!) This is my brother and his wife, Jim and Renee, and introducing Elijah Aaron was born May 13th at 3:18 pm, 7 lb 11 oz, 20 inches long. Congratulations Jim and Renee! What a miracle your family has experienced over the last couple of years. Elijah is like the exclamation point on all that God has done! I love you all!

Heavy Heart

Today, my heart is heavy for many situations...

Myanmar: The tragedy of many killed, injured, left without food, shelter or medical care with a government unable to provide the necessary care and unwilling to accept help... My sister-in-law spent about three months teaching English in an orphanage in Myanmar in 2006. Praise God the orphanage and its occupants were unharmed! She and my brother are terribly burdened for this area and the government's lack of response to the needs of their people.

Joplin and other tornado-hit areas of the weekend: Many tornado victims. One I know of first-hand was reported to me by a friend of mine who attends Forrest Avenue Baptist Church in Joplin. Their interim music minister, his wife, his 12-year-old son, and his mother-in-law were killed when the storm picked up their SUV and flipped it. They have a surviving daughter, a sophomore in college, who was not with the family at the time. Please pray for Kali, who lost her entire immediate family in a single blow.

China: Today's earthquake's death toll is already in the 8,000's. Per my last blog, Josh is heading to China in less than a month. He already knows several people there, and we pray for their safety and for the Chinese Christians and missionaries to minister God's love and grace, praying such tragedy will open hearts that have previously been closed to the Gospel.

In all these tragedies, my heart is heavy for the thousands who have slipped into eternity without so much as hearing the Good News of Jesus Christ. I have to admit my first response to hearing of the China earthquake was fear and a harder grip on my son. But, as I have processed it, though there is still an element of fear and the whole aspect of missing him, I fervently pray that God will use him to show many Chinese the way to Christ while he is there. My friend, we are not guaranteed even one more breath in this life. We do not know what the next moment will bring. Those thoughts that fill our days are largely centered on things that will not matter outside of time. What of the eternal state of those who meet such unexpected death? What of those who have pursued earthly endeavors with fervor, who have perhaps sought out knowledge of things big or small, only to wake up in eternity to find they missed the most important Truth? What about we who have have this Treasure in earthen vessels and somehow don't let the glorious Gospel shine upon this world? Dear God, by your grace alone please burden us and empower us to shine your Light brightly to this lost and dying world! We are completely incapable and powerless to do so without You. You have demonstrated Your power in nature in amazing ways of late! I pray for a demonstration of Your power to save such as we have never experienced before. Use me, God. Use all of your children. Make us willing givers of your glorious Gospel!

Letting Go

A year ago there were three specific situations in my life that were causing me a great deal of anxiety. One was a financial issue. Two involved a child, specifically Josh (AKA "Punk"). He was preparing at that time to go to China for 18 days and immediately upon his return would begin high school at Raytown High after being homeschooled since second grade. One day as I was driving by the high school, I thought about how many times I had driven that very route, and about the fact that the road has remained the same, though many other things have changed over the years. At that instant the thought occurred to me that in a year, all of the issues that were causing me to fret would be in the past. The things, however, that are most dear to me would never change. The comfort came.

It is a year later. Today as I type this, I have but one thing causing me to fret. One month from today, Josh will again be going to China, but this year he will be spending 64 days away from home. I have to admit, though I am excited for this opportunity for him, I have already shed many tears. (My tear bottle in heaven is HUGE!) My fretting is not so much worry for his safety, for long ago I realized it is not I who keeps my children safe. I am completely comfortable with the fact the God has ordained this trip as He has opened all the doors to make it happen. My fretting stems from the fact that I dearly enjoy all my children, and the thought of one of them being so far away for such a long time is, well, gut-wrenching. I fret at the anticipated sorrow. The other night, Josh was spending some snuggle time with Judson and made a comment about how he would miss Jud while he was gone. That, of course, led my mind down that path I work so hard to avoid -- the inevitable mix of joy and sorrow in motherhood. The joy is watching my children grow into what I have prayed they would over these fleeting growing-up years. The sorrow is just how quickly those years pass to this season when my fingers must be pried away one by one! Last year as some of those fingers were being forced up, I sought comfort from my sister, whose three children are grown and married. To my horror, she said that the letting go does not get easier! This year, I face the distinct possibility that after another year, my child may be a foreign exchange student in China for an entire school year. This year, I watched as the seniors were honored at our church, all the while thinking, "In three short years..." This year more than ever, I face the fact that if things continue on this seemingly God-ordained path, this child, who I dedicated to God nearly 15 years go, will be spending most of his adult life "far, far away". (Uh, God, when I prayed they would follow You passionately all their days, I really didn't anticipate that path would lead so far from home...)

As I have prayed for the grace to turn my sorrow into something more productive, to focus on the joy at the fact that my children are thus far following God with passion (and prayed for at least the grace to control my tears!), my thoughts have turned to Hannah and Samuel. This is a story that has long fascinated me. In I Samuel 1 we meet Hannah who is in great sorrow because she does not have a child, and her husband's other wife does have children. In verse 6, the Bible says that her "enemy provoked her sore to make her fret because God" had closed her womb. It's an interesting choice of word, "enemy". The Hebrew could have been translated "rival wife". This speaks to me that all my fretting comes from one source alone , the enemy Peter refers to when he says Satan is like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour. God certainly does not intend us to fret over our situations. He is, after all, fully aware and fully in control. What really amazes me about this story is that after waiting for this child for so many years, she very willingly takes Samuel to the temple after he is weaned and gives him back to God. The Bible doesn't tell us what her emotions were as she traveled with Samuel, knowing she would be leaving him "far, far away", to see him but once a year. What it does tell us is that she not only took her long-awaited son to give to God, but she also took three bullocks, an ephah of flour and a bottle of wine to sacrifice. In a situation where most of us would say this particular sacrifice was over and above our "reasonable service", she brought even more. See, she realized Samuel was not really hers to begin with. When the Bible says she lent him to the Lord as long as he would live, that word "lent" just means she was giving back to God what was God's all along. Her first response to "letting go" was to give even more than her child. Her second response, in chapter 2, was worship. She worshipped the God who gave her Samuel, even when the time came to let go of him. If you are familiar with the story, you know that Samuel became a very significant prophet in Israel. What if she had been unwilling to let him go? My children may or may not be widely known for their faith and their walk with God, but God does have a significant plan for each of their lives -- for all of our lives. (Remember Hebrews 11, the "hall of faith"? Does not the end of that chapter recognize the significance of the "hall of faithers" who were too numerous to name, but whose names God knows?)

My mind also travels to Abraham and Isaac. After waiting many, many years for the miracle of his son, Isaac, God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac in an act of worship. Abraham does not even argue or try to "reason" with God. He simply trusts and obeys. God stops Abraham just before he slays Isaac and commends him saying, "Lay not thy hand upon the lad, neither do thou any thing unto him: for now I know that thou fearest God, seeing thou hast not withheld thy son, thine only son from me." An amazing story!

So, I have to ask myself these questions as I embark on this letting go season of life:

1. Am I going to let my enemy cause me to fret?

2. Am I willing to give back to God what has been His all along?

3. Am I willing to give even more?

4. Am I able to worship and rejoice as I do?

5. Do I fear God enough that I will not withhold my children from Him?

This brings me back to yesterday's blog. ALL of life is by grace through faith. This letting go is beyond my natural ability. Giving even more? Beyond my natural ability. Worshipping and rejoicing as I do? Beyond my natural ability. Fearing God as I should? Beyond my natural ability. However, I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me by grace through faith. My desire for my children to have significant faith in their Creator necessarily brings me to this point of letting go -- even when it happens earlier than anticipated! The letting go begins now as I watch my eldest go far, far away for the summer. If you read this, please pray for Josh as he follows God to China. And please pray for me as I follow God to letting go -- by grace through faith.

Perspective

A sermon I heard Sunday put a bit of a different perspective on familiar truths. The perspective was not so radical that anyone could take issue with it, but it is, I believe, potentially life changing. I am convinced, that though many Christians believe salvation and "big" things we do for God are through His grace and power alone, we do not exercise that same belief in daily living and "Christian disciplines". Isn't it my responsibility to be disciplined enough to read and pray daily? Isn't it my responsibility to walk through the mundane things in my life in a Christ-like manner? No! ALL of life is by grace through faith. It is God who works in us BOTH to will and to do what He calls us to do. What did He call us to do? Follow Him. Follow Him to my Bible. Follow Him to His Throne of Grace. Follow Him to my kitchen, to work, to my laundry room, to my school books, to my "taxi" job, to the grocery store, to the dance studio, to my lawnmower, to the books I read, to the conversations I have, to my interactions with my family, to my ministries at church. That's it. It's that simple. Follow Him. The preacher said it like this, "Stop trying to be something and let God make you into what you can never be." Yes, I need those "Christian disciplines" in my life -- praying, reading my Bible, fasting, etc. But, I will fail miserably if I try to do them by my own will. I'll either fail by not following through with those good intentions and/or fail to experience the joy of God-empowered daily living. In place of joy will likely be disappointment -- in myself and/or in God because I did everything I was "supposed" to do but... The whole thing, all of life from salvation to eternity is by grace through faith. What beautiful freedom we have to enjoy life more abundantly! I'm responsible for only one thing -- Follow Christ.

Earthen Vessel: Quirky Tag

Quirky Tag

I've been tagged by Amanda. I'll play along, but this will take some thought. Six unspectacular quirky things about myself...

1. I have a hard time sitting still. In fact, that is the most challenging thing about my job as a medical transcriptionist.

2. I find it difficult to pray when I am not moving. This is NOT related to number one. A few years ago I found that the best time to pray is when I'm out walking or jogging early in the morning -- can't fall asleep and/or get interrupted. The drawback is on those rare occasions the weather does not cooperate, I have to walk around in my house or on my covered patio while I pray in order to concentrate. Hmm, maybe it is related to number one...

3. I have a "black thumb of death" rather than a green thumb when it comes to growing things, which is a real bummer as I love flowers, fresh veggies, etc.

4. I have an eye phobia. I fear being poked in the eyes. I have no idea where this phobia came from, but I could definitely be goggle queen!

5. I'm not good with toenails -- especially on other adults. I don't like someone else to manicure my toenails, and I don't like to do someone else's toenails -- especially the clipping part. Polishing isn't so bad.

6. I have overcome my fear of spiders, thanks to my children. I have grown from having dreams of spider-covered hallway walls and taking literally days to move an encyclopedia off a recently crushed spider to killing them with my bare hands! Oh yeah, I am spider woman!

Here are the rules:
* Link the person who tagged you
* Mention the rules in your blog
* Tell about six unspectacular quirks of yours
* Tag six following bloggers by linking them
* Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged

Uh, I'm going to have to explore the world of blogging to come up with six bloggers. I'm sort of a loner in the blogging world at this point. I'll work on that one as time allows. If anyone has suggestions of who I can tag, please do pass them along. Those of you who are just readers and not bloggers -- get a blog and play tag with me! :o) Sadly, my blogging exploration time is fairly limited until school's out, so until June...

My Parents and Alzheimer's Disease

Many days I have my parents on my mind. I love them so much, and I thank God for the precious gift of parents who love Him and who trained me up in the way I should go. I have a few "heroes" in my life. My dad is one at the top of my list. He is a man who has always demonstrated unconditional love for God, family and all people. He is a man who gives and expects nothing in return. He is a man who rarely makes a negative comment, who can find good in anything. Even as my mom has been gradually taken away from us by her progressing Alzheimer's disease, my dad has always found a way to put a positive spin on their situation. He has cared for her and has continued to show his undying love for the woman who is at present but a shell of her former self. Her former self was funny and creative, a woman who always had a special touch that made our house a home. Here is a poem my father wrote that beautifully expresses this "thief" called Alzheimer's disease, and the frustration of watching the one you love gradually being stolen away. Praise God, when we are all together in heaven one day, she -- and all of us -- will be whole, delightfully more so than we have ever known! "If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable...But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ" (I Co 15:19,57)

THE THIEF

Just how and when the thief stepped in
I have no clue, nor do those sleuths
who I've called on to help me solve
the mystery of missing links
that once held cells together in
a mind that served her well back when
she reared a striking family;
created lovely works of art
with yarn and beads and her own skill.
The thief began his devious deeds
by robbing her of knowing how
to get back to our country home
from a short drive to buy some bread.
Too soon he stole from her the place
in which for years she'd kept her "Trix"
and other breakfast cereals.
The robber slipped away with all
the means she had of cooking meals.
In broad daylight the scum would steal
her lipstick, purse, and socks and shoes.
In recent months, he hides the bath,
and sneaks off with the oddest stuff.
He'll dress her in the strangest clothes,
as if to call attention to
a woman who had never wanted
that before the thief stole in.
I think the culprit now has aides
abetting him to lame her frame,
and also tangle up her talk.
Sometimes the thief provokes a sob,
because it's hard for her to know
how precious things could vanish so!
But up to now this evil crook
has not purloined her smile, nor zest
for three or more good meals a day.
If ever I can find this thief,
I'll batter him till he returns
the loot that's left this one so stripped
of almost all that she once was.

After the Storm

After witnessing visible evidence of but a small degree of God's awesome power in last night's storm, the words to this song echo in my heart today. This demonstration of His awesome power accentuates his amazing grace and love!

Who Am I (Casting Crowns)
Who am I?

That the Lord of all the earth,

Would care to know my name,

Would care to feel my hurt.

Who am I?

That the bright and morning star,

Would choose to light the way,

For my ever wondering heart.

Not because of who I am.

But because of what you've done.

Not because of what I've done.

But because of who you are.

Chorus:

I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow.

A wave tossed in the ocean,

A vapor in the wind.

Still you hear me when I'm calling,

Lord you catch me when I'm falling,

And you told me who I am.

I am yours. I am yours.

Who am I?

That the eyes that see my sin

Would look on me with love

And watch me rise again

Who am I?

That the voice that calm the sea,

Would call out through the rain,

And calm the storm in me.

Not because of who I am.

But because what of youve done.

Not because of what I've done.

But because of who you are.

Chorus x 2

Whom shall I fear?

Whom shall I fear?

'Cuz I am yours.

I am yours.

Out of the Mouth of Fuzzy

When you need a laugh, try checking this blog from time to time as I am going to attempt to keep his quotes updated. So many quotes, so little time...

Referring to his brother going to China..."I'm going to China. I'm going to Oklahoma first, and then going to China..." (After a recent baseball trip to Tulsa.)
"Everybody is not keeping the counter clean. I clean it and everyone else doesn't." (Referring to his recent obsession with having everything in place in the bathroom and in his room. My reply? Welcome to my world!)
"I'm not sick, I just have a stomachache!"
"...and God, I like the Devil, I just don't like what he does." (Bedtime prayer)
Some time ago, we were in the car, and I was zoning out a bit as Judson was telling me his very lengthy version of the Israelites crossing the Red Sea on their way out Egypt. I perked up when I heard this line, though: "...and then God took a paper towel and dried up all the water -- a GREAT BIG paper towel!"