Earthen Vessel

I Want More

2012-01-14T08:29:00.007-06:00

"As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God." Ps 42:1 Over the Christmas and new year's break I had a chance to do a little reading. I picked up a book by A.W. Tozer called The Pursuit of God. I highly recommend it. After I finished that I started reading The Spiritual Man by Watchman Nee. Although I will probably be reading it for the rest of 2012, based on what I have read so far, I highly recommend it as well. I have become aware of the fact that I do not commune with God in the way He designed us to commune with Him. I do okay most mornings when I start my day and have no distractions. But as my day goes on, the demands of work and family life take a front seat and my ability to walk in communion with God is greatly affected. It's not that I am doing wrong things, but that I am not listening to the Spirit of God throughout my day, letting Him drive my day through the Truth He has revealed. I have a "necessary" agenda for the day and my ability to have that interrupted or even interpreted by the Spirit is basically not there.

I heard a man telling the kind of stories all Christian love to hear but few of us experience on a regular basis. The stories were radical and they were real and they were recent. They involved busy people, listening to God, following His instructions, and helping lost souls come to Jesus. This man lives that way consistently. He is a busy, working father of 4 with a life full of potential distractions and he said, "When you learn to do that, it becomes so natural..." That is what I want. I am thirsty for this kind of a continual drink from God. Yes, I love the touches of His Spirit through His word in the mornings. I love when God speaks to me in undeniable ways through other events or circumstances. But what I crave, what I long for more than anything is that daily, moment-by-moment communion of His Spirit with my spirit, directing my thoughts and actions and interactions. I want more! Is that possible? I strongly believe the answer is yes! And I am praying with all my heart that God will move me from where I am now to that point that at this moment seems quite far away!

Ironically, when I was praying about that this morning, my thoughts kept getting distracted by various things. I would pray about something, and then my mind would begin to think on that thing and try to devise solutions or conversations, etc. I became very frustrated that the very thing I was praying for and longing for -- communion with God that is constant in spite of life's distractions -- was becoming quite the battle during that very prayer. I cried out to God for help and suddenly, I had a memory of an event that happened a few summers ago. I think I blogged about it at the time. It happened on a day when Josh was in China and Mikiah was busy with an activity. I decided to take Judson to the swimming pool. He did not know how to swim yet and he had a good, healthy fear of the water, usually stayed pretty close to the edge. While we were there, I received a call from my sister. She was on her way to the hospital because my mom had just been admitted. Mom was pretty sick and as it turns out, this was the beginning of her final stay in the hospital before she passed away. As we were talking, my sister suddenly said she had to get off the phone because the tornado sirens were going off and she was driving -- she needed to find a safe place. She hung up. I was miles from mom or my sister and was completely helpless to assist either one of them. Obviously I was a little upset. I glanced back toward the pool to find Judson and began to panic as I did not immediately see him. Surely, the little boy bobbing up and down in the water was not him. He was, after all, surrounded by other swimmers. The swimmer next to him was just staring at him and the lifeguard was just staring at him, so it must just be a kid playing. If he was in serious trouble, all those people watching would be moving to help him, right? Wrong! That kid was not playing. That kid was my little boy and he was desperately trying to keep from drowning while others just stared at him and while I was distracted by some very serious distractions! It turned out okay but it was a scary moment and a horrible sight I will likely always remember. As that memory flooded my mind this morning, God spoke to my heart. Life will always have distractions and demands that scream for attention. In the midst of those, I must have His eyes to see all the drowning souls around me. I must let Him guide my eyes, my thoughts, my energies. Sure, there are things I have to do as a responsible wife, mother and worker -- things I love to do and want to do. But God must be in the driver's seat every day, even in the midst of those demands. He must be able to interrupt me at any given moment and open my eyes to the needs around me. How many drowning souls have I stood next to, completely unaware of their peril? Or worse, how often have I just assumed someone else would rescue them? God, give me grace to let go of my life and cling to yours! Give me your eyes, ears, hands, feet and heart that your desires are lived out in my life.

What Seek Ye?

2011-12-11T07:30:00.004-06:00

In Genesis 37:15, Joseph's father had asked him to go find his brothers and bring him a report as to how they were doing with the flocks. The verse says, "And a certain main found him, and behold, he was wandering in the field: and the man asked him, saying, What seekest thou?" The Hebrew word translated "wandering" in this verse means "to err, go astray, stagger". Joseph thought his brothers were in one field when in reality they had moved to another location. Even though he had gone to the location his father told him, he suddenly found himself in the wrong place to accomplish his stated mission. It took a "certain man" asking a pointed question to get him back to the right field.

We can speculate over the passage, but we don't know Joseph's motives. The fact is, we can get off of the path to accomplish our stated mission for a multitude of reasons. The bottom line is, will we heed the words of a "certain man" in our lives who points us in the direction we need to go? What seekest thou?

Jesus asked this very question of two men who would become his disciples. They had heard about him and began to follow him when he passed by. John 1:38 tells us Jesus' response to their action, "Then Jesus turned, and saw them following, and said to them, What seek ye? They said unto him, Rabbi...where dwellest thou?" They wanted to know where Jesus lived. They wanted a more personal relationship with him.

Pharaoh, a picture of one who has all the "good things" in life, asked Hadad an interesting question in I Kings 11:22, "What have you lacked with me that you seek to go to your own country?" This is a question we may pose in our own minds when God is asking us to seek Him in a different place. Perhaps he wants us in a different field in order to know Him more. Maybe changing fields is uncomfortable. Maybe the current field in which we are wandering is comfortable and offers the opportunity to "lack nothing" physically, but is God there? Are we seeking him in the right place?

So I leave you with this admonition from Jesus in Luke 12:29, 31 "Seek not what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, neither be ye of doubtful mind...but seek ye first the kingdom of God."

The somewhat cliche Christmas saying is applicable...wise men do still seek him.

A Tribute to the Severely Abused

2011-11-17T13:33:00.006-06:00

This is a tribute speech I wrote in honor of the brave souls who have been severely abused. If this is you and you have made, are making, or are considering making the journey to wholeness and healing, I salute you and admire you more than I can express. It is with admittedly limited understanding that I attempt this tribute but my intentions are to honor you and to share with any and all who will hear that God is a God of healing. Only God can turn what Satan meant for evil into a beautiful work of goodness -- a trophy, if you will. This is for you...
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Imagine you discover your most precious possession has been stolen and taken to a distant place.

Imagine you desire to regain what is rightfully yours but learn the journey will be fraught with danger.

Imagine fear greater than any you have ever experienced versus desire beyond your ability to articulate. A battle ensues. Desire wins.

You procure an experienced partner to help guide you on the journey ahead. She prepares you as best she can, warning you it will not be easy but encouraging you that others have successfully made this trip. And so, with tempered reluctance, you begin your journey.

At the outset, you are surprised to learn your precious possession has been traumatically fractured into multiple pieces and fragments have been scattered all along the road to your destination. You decide you must find every piece and carefully reassemble them. But when you attempt to retrieve a part, you discover it is heavily guarded by a host of enemies. Fear freezes you briefly but desire drives you forward. You soon learn that with some effort, the enemies will become allies and join your endeavor to gather and guard the pieces. You find each retrieval more challenging than the previous, each enemy requiring more and more effort to win over. Fear frequently tempts you to turn back, but desire drives you forward. Days turn into weeks and weeks into months. And then one day you arrive. You have only one piece to place before your precious possession is once again complete.

But what if it isn’t what you remember it being? The journey has changed you. What if your desire is disappointed? Fear freezes you again - briefly. Then you breathe deeply and prepare to place the final piece.

It has been said that “courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.” (Ambrose Redmoon)

You are about to meet the courageous traveler in this story. Her journey represents restoration to wholeness from dissociated identity disorder (formerly known as multiple personality disorder). It resulted from countless episodes of ritualistic abuse from infancy through adolescence by her own father and other family members. Thus, her journey. Her journey, however, did not end at restoration. In fact, in many ways it was just beginning. She then bravely forged ahead with a vision to turn her fearful experiences into a fortress for others traveling a similar road, especially children in crisis. This new direction has also been marked by many obstacles and the all-too-familiar battles between fear and desire. Desire won again! When asked where she found the courage to successfully complete these portions of her life’s journey, this traveler answered that it is her relationship with her Heavenly Father, affectionately called Abba, which has enabled her to conquer the roadblocks in her life and turn her pain into a passion to help others. Today we are gathered to celebrate the realization of her vision with the opening of Abba’s Refuge. Ladies and gentleman, it is my great pleasure to introduce to you the founder of Abba’s Refuge....

If you want to learn more about this subject, I highly recommend the book, "Multiple Identities: Understanding and Supporting the Severely Abused" by Diane Hawkins.

The Thief of Unbelief

2011-11-16T19:00:00.006-06:00

Hebrews chapters 3-4 recount the story of the Israelites when the time had finally arrived for them to enter into the land God had promised them. They seemed to have both short-term and long-term memory problems. God had demonstrated time and time again His power and His care for them. However, when an obstacle stood in the road on their journey to inherit God's promise, they had a habit of focusing on the impossible-looking situation rather than the God who had delivered them from such "impossibilities" in the past. Because of their unbelief, most of that original group of Israelites died without ever entering into the land God had promised them. (Heb 4:19)

We see a similar situation in Jesus' time on earth, "And he did not many mighty works there because of their unbelief" (Matt 13:58).

I had a dream not long ago. In the dream I was driving my car in a semi-rural setting, on the edge of a town. As time passed, I found myself no longer driving a car, but sitting in a rocking chair that was being propelled by an unseen force down an unfamiliar road in the "middle of nowhere." The road gradually changed from a paved road, to a gravel road to a path. My response was panic. Where was I? I was going to be late! What am I doing in a rocking chair? Naturally, I climbed out of the rocking chair and proceeded to carry the chair. In front of me loomed a rather difficult-looking hill. I knew it would be very hard to carry my rocking chair up that hill so I chose to walk on the flat ground alongside the road. The flat ground contacted the road again on the other side of the hill. At that point, I got back on the road. I heard a car coming up behind me and I fully anticipated the driver would come to me and offer a ride. But, the car turned off the road in a different direction. Eventually, I was forced to climb a hill, still carrying my rocking chair. At the top of the hill, I was faced with three views representing three options. The first was the road behind me. Should I return? I was sure there was someplace I needed to be at a certain time back there... The path beside the road had given way to a beautiful valley with a breathtaking view. I could sit in that chair and enjoy that view for quite some time! The road in front of me also led to a valley. There was a peaceful looking village in that valley complete with a farmer walking out of his house toward his barn. As my gaze continued past the village, I saw a not-as-peaceful looking city. I thought that perhaps I should go to the village and ask the farmer where I was. At that point my dream ended. What was my choice?

I think the rather odd story in my dream depicts our lives as followers of Jesus. We like to drive and be in control. We enjoy speaking of faith and being involved in activities that proclaim faith but when our Unseen Force desires to drive us in an unfamiliar vehicle through unfamiliar territory, we face a strong temptation to climb out the chair and try to regain control. If we succumb to that temptation, we miss the rest and journey that the chair offers! I am moved to tears at the prospect of the promises of God I have forfeited in my life because of my unbelief!

The good news is, God is a God of second chances -- and third, and more. Jesus often reprimanded his disciples for their unbelief. Yet, after they were empowered by the Holy Spirit to understand, believe and walk in the Truth, they became pillars of faith. They ultimately did get on right road. If we get off of our God-given path, it is not too late to get back on if we will get back in the chair!

I believe in my dream I missed some of the beauty and rewards of the road when I chose the "easy" path. I really had no choice other than to take the flat path because I was carrying my heavy chair! What did I miss on my journey during the time I was not on the road? We want to be careful not to test God in this area or to take advantage of His grace and mercy when we are aware we are off the road. The Israelites tempted Him numerous times in the wilderness until they finally lost all hope of entering into the promises of God in this life.

What obstacles are in your path? Stay in the chair! "Let us labor therefore to enter into that rest, lest any man fall after the same example of unbelief (Heb 4:11, referring to the Israelites who missed the promises of God). I pray I will no longer allow unbelief to be a thief in my life!

Den of Thieves

2011-02-16T08:21:00.003-06:00

My house shall be called a house of prayer; but you have made it a den of thieves. Matthew 21:13.

A house of prayer is nothing less than a place set aside for the purpose of communing with God. Spiritually, our bodies are the temple of God (I Corinthians 3:16). We commune with God via His Spirit that dwells in us. The evidence of that communion is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance. (Galatians 5:22-23) The question then would be, do I have that evidence? If not, why not?

I find it interesting that it was the religious folks that made God's house a den of thieves, rendering it useless as a house of prayer. I think Christians should take note of this and examine ourselves closely. We need to ask hard questions. Do I have love like Jesus does? Do I have joy, real joy? Do I have peace that passes all understanding? And on down the list. I believe the most frequent thief in our temples is not "obvious sin". Consider. Do thieves operate that way? Rather, I believe the most common thief comes disguised in a cloak of "good" that supports religious practices. Wasn't that the case in the temple? Those money changers were simply trying to make it easier for the folks to make their sacrifices. How thoughtful.

Do you find that you hate mankind rather than love? Perhaps your religion and good intentions are unknowingly creating a judgemental spirit rather than a God-driven passion to love sinners into His kingdom.

When you dig deep into your heart and soul, is there a pool of misery rather than a fountain of living water and joy? Perhaps again, strict adherence to seemingly sound scriptural teachings are clogging up the works. Jesus is freedom and inexplicable joy.

Has peace escaped you? Maybe religion has stolen your hope for the miraculous to impact your life daily.

Do you tend to be impatient? Harsh? Have a hard time doing good for those who don't deserve it? Is your faith limitless? Why not? Are you too proud of and busy practing your high moral standards to experience God's power? Do you have temperance in ALL things?

These are hard, hard questions and I suspect that each and every one of us can stand a clean-up and tune-up in this area. Sometimes it can be painful to take that honest look but just imagine if our "temples" operated the way God intends them to operate? Could people then say of the us that these Christians turned the world upside down? I suspect so. Let's get honest and get to God's business. I want to pray a simple yet challenging prayer asking God to reveal the areas in my temple that steal from his house of prayer. Will you join me?

The Ultimate Love Dare

2011-01-31T05:08:00.007-06:00

In Matthew 10:31-38, Jesus challenges his followers with this, "Whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my father which is in heaven. Think not I come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace but a sword...a man's foes shall be they of his own household...and he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me."

Matthew 5:44, "Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you and pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you."

The Ultimate Love Dare is This:

1. Do I love Jesus enough to pick up this cross of division and follow him?

2. Do I love Jesus enough to obey his command in Matthew 5:44 regarding these foes?

1. Love: to feel and exhibit esteem and gratitude to a person, to prize and delight in a thing. The etymology of this word is commonly understood properly to denote love based on esteem as distinct from that expressed by "amo", spontaneous, natural affection. In other words, this is dutiful love and it cannot be faked. It is a command.

2. Bless: to praise, celebrate with praises; to invoke blessing; to consecrate a thing with solemn prayers. It is a command.

3. Do Good: To perform beautifully, finely, excellently, well -- no reason for blame. It is a command.

4. Pray: Present tense, voice almost always translated as active and it is an imperative. It is a command.

It is God who works in us both to will and to do his good pleasure. (Philippians 2:13). Do your work in me, God! Conform me to your image and make me a willing, obedient child to accept with joy your love dare. Amen!

Unbelievable!

2011-01-27T05:29:00.004-06:00

Mark 16 gives the account of Jesus' resurrection. Perhaps the most disturbing verse of this chapter is verse 14, "Afterward he appeared unto the eleven as they sat at meat and upbraided them with their unbelief and hardness of heart, because they believed not them which had seen him after he was risen." Before Jesus' arrest and crucifixion, he had tried to prepare the disciples for this time. He frankly spoke of the events surrounding the his death and resurrection. He even took three of them up to a mountain where they witnessed his transfiguration and saw Moses and Elijah, all proof of the truth of resurrection. Yet they did not understand. These truths Jesus revealed were uncommon. They definitely did not fit in their "boxes" of understanding. Nor would it have fit in ours.

The last verses of Mark 16, verses 15-20, give account of Jesus' charge to the disciples to go and tell, preach the good news of Jesus to everyone. Jesus told them that those who believe and are baptized will be saved but those who are not will be damned. Another difficult truth.

He also says that "these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them: they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover." Then a couple of verses later, "And they went forth, and preached every where, the Lord working with them, and confirming the word with signs following."

In our current day, it is not difficult for us to believe the crucifixion and resurrection. We have the perspective of history and scripture to help us understand and believe these things. I find it interesting that right after Jesus gets on the disciples for not believing he had risen from the dead, he begins to tell them about the signs and wonders that will follow "them who believe." The disciples had no problem believing that. They had already seen these signs and wonders. And now they were actually speaking to the risen Jesus. They believed what he said, obeyed by preaching the word and God confirmed His word with signs.

I have heard this passage explained away many times. I have heard pastors and teachers say that we should not expect signs and wonders in our day because those were just for this specific time in history. However, when I read this passage, I really don't see that. As a matter of fact, I don't see that teaching anywhere in the Bible. God is powerful. God's word is powerful. We have this treasure in our "earthen vessels" so that others can see His power through us and glorify Him (2 Corinthians 4). So why do we try to explain these verses away? What are we afraid of? Yes, there are those who misuse "signs and wonders" just as there are those who misuse all manner of scripture for their own benefit or to suit their own comfort level. But misuse does not negate truth.

I believe if Jesus were to walk into our midst today, he would upbraid us with our unbelief and hardness of heart. We need to pause before we criticize the disciples for their unbelief at something that seems so obviously believable to us. Contemplate this: do I walk in unbelief at the obvious teachings of God's word? Do I read it for the truth it contains or do I try to make it fit within my comfort zone? God confirms His word with power. Do I allow Him to do that in my experience? God, help thou my unbelief!

On Forgiveness

2011-01-21T05:44:00.006-06:00

"And when you stand praying, forgive, if you have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses" Mark 11:25-26

I was looking for an "out" regarding the whole praying and forgiveness issue and I was thinking it would be okay to pray sitting, or even better kneeling or prostrate. Then I discovered the meaning of the word stand as it is used in this passage. It is translated from the Greek word steko which means, "to stand firm; to persevere, to persist; to keep one's standing". Then I thought of Psalms 66:18, "If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me." Could it be that unforgiveness counts as iniquity in my heart? Jesus absolutely forbids unforgiveness. Certainly, a true Christian will not lose their standing as a child of God or their access to God, but the Bible is very clear that there are things that cut off communication with our Father.

Are you persevering and standing firm in prayer? Do you feel as though God does not hear those prayers or answer those prayers you have been praying for weeks, months or even years? I know I have some of those. There can be several reasons for that, but I think it would serve us well to investigate the possibility of unforgiveness and bitterness in our hearts. On a very personal note, I have recently been surprised at some of the ugliness that has been revealed in my heart. Certain events in my life have pried open the mouth of a concealed well of bitterness and anger so that those rivers of living water are competing with, well, sewer water! Yuck.

This morning as I was praying about how in the world to have complete victory over unforgiveness, a verse came to mind. "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." Those were the words of Jesus as he hung on the cross. He uttered these words after being unjustly and severely beaten, mocked, humiliated and AS he was enduring a most painful form of death. I have previously realized that I have no right to hold unforgiveness in my heart if perfect Jesus forgives all things and endured all that he did. That in itself is a huge motivation for forgiveness. But apparently I need more motivation as I continue to struggle with "repeat offenders," especially those offenses that deeply hurt.

This morning when that verse came to mind, it begged a different question. Rather than the usual, how do I have the right to hold unforgiveness in my heart, it was the question of how could Jesus say they didn't know what they were doing? Of course they knew. They knew he was a just man. In all likelihood, many of them knew who he really was, their Messiah. They knew he did not deserve death. They knew they beat him and mocked him and humiliated him and crucified him unjustly. They absolutely knew what they were doing. Yet Jesus said they did not.

Jesus understood better than any could that the events of those days were fueled by a cosmic battle, a struggle so huge that the majority of the fight could not and would not be observed by the human eye. He understood that the people who hated him and acted so harshly on that hate were driven by unseen forces in the most intense battle of Good versus Evil. "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood." (Ephesians 6) I believe Jesus could look at them and have compassion on them because he understood this intense battle and its effect on them and because he knew who they were apart from the sin that had them in its grip as a result of that battle.

And so it is with us. It is true we have no right to hold unforgiveness. There are, however, in each of our lives those situations that demand we continually revisit this issue of forgiveness. It is those repeat offenses that produce deep pain that result in deep and sometimes hidden wells of unforgiveness and bitterness despite our best attempts to cut off the supply to those wells. What are we to do with that? How can we pray effectively and run the race unencumbered by the "weight and sin"? I defer to my life verse, "With man this is impossible but with God all things are possible." The Bible says it is God who works in us both to will and to do his good pleasure.

So here is my prayer. God, work in me both to will and to do what you have shown me about forgiveness. Not only do I need to relinquish my perceived right to be offended, but I need to understand the offenders as Jesus understood his offenders. Help me be able to honestly say, "Father, forgive _________, for they know not what they do." And may others find the grace to say the same of me when I am the offender.

Amazing Vision, Petrifying Path

2011-01-20T05:46:00.004-06:00

It's hard to say how many times I have started a project with intense excitement in terms of the goal and then quickly became overwhelmed at the enormity of actually carrying out of the steps to reach that goal. Sometimes I determine the project is not worth pursuing and other times I persevere because I really, really want to reach that goal. I believe this is a fairly common human experience.

I am intrigued by Mark 10:32, "And they were in the way going up to Jerusalem; and Jesus went before them: and they were amazed; and as they followed, they were afraid. And he took again the twelve, and began to tell them what things should happen unto him."

Did you notice that? When Jesus began to lead them, they were amazed. The word amazed has a flavor of fear intermixed with wonder and awe. What happened as they began to actually follow Jesus' leading? They were afraid. In the Greek, the word translated afraid actually means "to put to flight by terrifying (to scare away)". In the context of this passage, the disciples were probably starting to understand why they were going to Jerusalem. They were beginning to see that this was not a pleasure trip. It was, however, a most necessary part of God's plan for mankind. There is much we can learn from this verse.

There have been times I have embarked on a new journey in my spiritual walk. Often my initial approach is one of amazement -- fear, awe, wonder. But as I walk it out, there are generally moments of indescribable fear. Times I cry out to God, "Did I understand you correctly? Is that really you up ahead on this path?" At times I am paralyzed with fear and stop dead in my tracks. Thankfully, though, God encourages my lead feet to follow his lead and as the path becomes more clear, the fear dissipates, purpose becomes evident and joy overtakes fear. Notice I did not say the path becomes easier. I said it becomes more clear. Its purpose is evident and it is of eternal value. Let us encourage one another to continue the journey. Let us be motivated to listen to our Leader as He coaxes us through those fears and leads us on our perfect path. Have you left the path? Meet Him there again. He so desires us to follow.

As a Little Child

2011-01-19T05:24:00.005-06:00

Consider this verse in Mark 10, "Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein." Did you catch that? We MUST receive the kingdom of God as a child. We WILL NOT enter in otherwise. We don't often talk about the straight and narrow road or Jesus' teaching on that fact that few will enter in. Rarely do I hear teaching or preaching on receiving God's kingdom as a child. Often the focus of the teaching on this portion of the gospel is on our need to love and invest in our children. That is definitely important, but we tend to pass right over the fact that we are instructed very specifically by Jesus to accept God's kingdom as a child. One of the definitions of the word "child" in Strong's Online Bible is "metaphorically children in intellect". Of course, this is the only way an adult can do anything as a child. We cannot physically become a child. Does this mean we have "blind faith"? Absolutely not. Children do not blindly accept most things. If you have a child, you know that. You understand the thousands of "whys" that proceed out of the mouth of a child. What it does mean is that we approach God on the platform of belief, understanding He is Truth. It is from there we make our inquiries and seek to understand. It is in that stance, as a curious child whose understanding of life is incomplete, that we grow in our understanding of truth and our ability to grasp the concepts of faith. The Bible specifically says that God uses the foolish things of the world to confound the wise. It specifically teaches that God doesn't think like we think. He does not work like we work. His ways are higher and better. When we seek Him with our man-made intellect, he does not make sense. If we continue to seek him in that fashion, we will eventually grow weary of this God and choose a wider path that will indeed lead to destruction. But, if we approach him as a child, marvelous things await. Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor has entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for them that love him. Believe. You will be continually amazed!

Just in Time

2011-01-18T16:48:00.005-06:00

I love the story of the mount of transfiguration, which happens to be what I was reading this morning in Mark 9. I usually get a chuckle out of Peter's response because it's just such a typical human response to an awkward situation. Let me back up.

In this story, Jesus asked Peter, James and John to go with him up to a high mountain, away from everyone else. Here, these three disciples had the amazing experience of seeing Jesus transformed from his earthly body in his heavenly form, "..and he was transfigured before them, and his raiment became shining, exceeding white as snow; so as no fuller on earth can white them". As if that wasn't enough, "and there appeared unto them Eilias (Elijah) and Moses: and they were talking to Jesus".

Don't just glitz over this. Maybe you have heard this story a thousand times, but think about this. Can you just imagine? Wow! What an experience. If this didn't prove Jesus, nothing would. If this didn't prove resurrection, nothing would. What would my response have been? It's hard to say. I suspect I would have been perhaps speechless and in a dead faint; or if I managed to stay on my feet, I may have eventually felt compelled to some sort of action as Peter did. He surmised it was good for them to be there and then suggested they build three tabernacles -- one for Jesus, one for Elias and one for Moses. Brilliant! He was afraid. And I would have been as well.

This was an amazing revelation Jesus gave them to prepare them for his coming death and subsequent resurrection. They would need the assurance of who Jesus is as well as the assurance of the resurrection to give them hope during the dark hours between Jesus' death and resurrection. But, at the moment of the revelation, they really didn't know what to do with it.

As I read this account this morning, I started to recall some specific things God has revealed to me over the years. Often He has re-taught me a truth that struck me in a deeper or slightly different way than it had before. Often, those truths were in direct preparation for an upcoming situation in my life. Those are sweet, intimate times with my Father.

I also thought of how often my strongest desire is to take that revelation and act on it immediately. I become like Peter...since I have this great truth now, I must DO something about it. And then my flesh takes over and if I don't heed the "whoa" of the Holy Spirit, I can create one huge mess! Lesson -- wait on God. He is precious to prepare us and we must remember that it is sometimes days, weeks, months or even years before that piece of preparation finds its proper place in the puzzle of our life.

Eight the Great

2011-01-15T06:07:00.004-06:00

I love the book of Mark. I don't know if I have ever heard anyone say that Mark is their favorite gospel, but I do have a tendency toward the abnormal... What I love about Mark is the glimpse it gives us into how Jesus felt when he encountered a variety of individuals in an array of situations. He felt compassion, love, anger, frustration -- the whole realm of emotions we each experience. This blog entry is just a synopsis of some things I learned from Mark chapter 8 in this read through.

Verses 1-9 tell the story of Jesus feeding about 4000 people with 7 loaves of bread and a few small fishes. What I found interesting is that the people were not asking for food. They had been seeking Jesus and feasting on his words for 3 days. Before Jesus sent them on their way, he had compassion on their physical needs and performed a with-man-this-is-impossible-but-with-God-all-things-are-possible act in order to meet their needs. It was easy for Jesus to provide for them physically. It was his desire to provide for them physically. He did it out of compassion. He did it, too, because they sought him. Oh that my focus would be Jesus alone!

Verses 10-13 Jesus encounters the Pharisees. They, too, were seeking Jesus but their motives were all wrong. They were tempting him and trying to find error with Jesus. They were seeking reasons to support their unbelief. They asked Jesus for a sign. Jesus refused. We know he was capable of showing them a sign. He just performed an amazing miracle in the previous verses. In the previous chapters, the Pharisees themselves had either witnessed or at least surely heard of all the miracles that Jesus did. Seeking Jesus out of bitterness and strife is a dead-end street in our spiritual journey.

Verses 14-21 talk about the disciples being paranoid that Jesus was getting on them for forgetting to bring bread on their journey. Jesus starts warning them to beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and their minds immediately go to the physical -- "he knows we forgot to bring bread". Jesus tells them their hearts are hard and reminds them of the miracle they just witnessed. He asks them how they could possible not understand. This part really steps on my toes right now -- ouch! The current circumstances in my life are such that the temptation to focus on the physical is strong. Have I not seen great miracles, even as recently as last week? Do I not remember? Why is it that my mind immediately goes to the physical when Jesus' desire is to teach me a much more profound lesson of the spiritual through my physical circumstances?

Verses 22-26 are interesting because Jesus heals a blind man. But this is different than the other healings we have seen in Mark thus far. This time, the healing takes two touches from Jesus. Why? Was this particular miracle too big to be done in just one touch? Of course not. Remember, we're talking about the one who created everything. The lessons here are undoubtedly many, but the one obvious theme is that God does not work the same way even in similar circumstances -- a consistent truth throughout the Bible. Healings can be instantaneous and healings can take time. Jesus is sovereign. Jesus is omnipotent. He does not fit in my box.

In verses 27-33 Peter declares correctly who Jesus is, "You are the Christ!" Then Peter immediately tries to correct Jesus' teaching on the difficult things that Jesus must soon endure. Oops! Jesus rebukes Peter with harsh words, "Get thee behind me Satan: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but the things that be of men." Ouch! Recognizing Jesus is only the beginning of this journey. Savoring the things of God is a heart matter.

Finally, verses 34-38 are touching really. Sometimes it is easy to fall into condemnation when I see so much of myself reflected in the mess-ups of the disciples. My heart is hard. My faith is small. I don't savor the things of God. I'm a mess! But Jesus loves his disciples. He continues to teach them. They are sometimes quite slow. I am often quite slow. Jesus is full of mercy, love and compassion. He continues to teach. And the teaching here is not a light one. Do I want to follow Jesus? Yes! Take up my cross. Lose my life. Do not be ashamed. Savor this teaching of God! Enter grace.

All Stopped Up and With No Way to Flow

2010-08-29T16:21:00.003-05:00

John 7:38-39 He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water. (But this spake he of the Spirit, which they that believe on him should receive: for the Holy Ghost was not yet given; because that Jesus was not yet glorified.)

A year or two ago I spent quite some time studying Ps 51. I was particularly intrigued by verse 6, "Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom." You can read more detail about that in my blog, but the main thing God showed me is that that the inward parts include every little cavity of my inner man. Interestingly, the word "belly" used in John 7 above also means the whole thing, every cavity.

I also learned that the hidden part means "to stop up, shut up and keep closed." I get an image of God pouring His Spirit into me at the time of salvation, much like the top of the waterfall in this picture. However, my river is down to a trickle because of the "rocks" in my inward parts -- those things that are hidden.

At the time God first revealed this truth to me, I prayed earnestly that he would show me anything hidden. I believed those hidden things to be mostly related to sin in my life, and indeed, sin does play a big role in blocking the rivers of living water. However, I am convinced it is more than this.

When the children of Israel were finally allowed out of the wilderness brought on by their sin of unbelief, they were commissioned to go and inhabit a land of abundance promised to them generations before by God Almighty. However, this promised land was already inhabited by enemies, and many of those enemies were very intimidating. Read about their history sometime. You will find that although they did have some amazing victories through God's power, they fell short of complete victory. They did not persevere to conquer all the enemies in their land. Instead, they chose to dwell with them, thinking there was room enough for everyone. Inevitably, this would affect their walk with God and they would fall into sin. This was a pattern in the nation of Israel all throughout the Old Testament. They failed to press on to completely destroy every enemy in the land and thus never fully occupied the promised land.

2 Corinthians 10 says that our battle is not against our flesh but our battle is spiritual. Many of the big sins we think about that might block our flow of living waters are sins of the flesh. Yes, those do need to be removed. But 2 Corinthians 10 says our battle is spiritual and the weapons of our warfare are mighty through the pulling down of strongholds. What is a stronghold? In combat, it is an area of land that actually belongs to one army that has been fortified and occupied by the enemy army. This stronghold may be big or it may be small, but any that is left in place, represents an incomplete occupation and an incomplete victory.

Spiritually speaking, we are in dangerous territory when we allow these strongholds to go unchecked. May I be bold enough to say that I believe a vast majority of true Christ followers do just that? 2 Corinthians 10 talks about casting down imaginations and EVERY high thought that exalts itself against the knowledge of God and bringing EVERY thought into obedience. This is not limited simply to those thoughts we would automatically label "sinful". Hebrews 12 says that we are to lay aside every weight and sin as we patiently run this race. There are weights, rocks, blockages that are not purposeful sin, but that weigh us down in this race and serve to stop the flow of living water.

Satan is the father of lies. Jesus says this in the gospels. In a recent blog I wrote about my "dandelion rejection". From that small incident as a child, I bought into a lie that said I would be rejected when I tried to do something kind for people. From that point until the day I recognized the lie, my behavior flowed from the fear of rejected acts of kindness and I was not even aware of it! Thus, the flow of living water was slowed down. How many other lies are there that block that flow? I suspect a great many!

It is easy for me to understand how children who grow up in abusive or otherwise traumatic environments would have a lot of rocks to remove from their rivers. Unfortunately, I have been very slow to realize that we all receive injuries that lead to lies and ultimately to enemy fortresses in territory that rightfully belongs to God. Thus, the flow is slowed to a mere trickle, a shadow of what it should be if we allowed God to identify and remove the hidden parts from our inward parts.

I know I have mixed metaphors throughout this blog. It is, admittedly, fairly poor form in terms of writing. However, I pray that the readers will take heed to this message. How many otherwise strong, committed believers in Jesus Christ do you know who truly flow with living waters? Personally, I don't know many at all. I know a lot who trickle, myself included. I challenge you to pray a simple prayer and then persevere with God to complete victory, His total occupation of your inward parts. I am praying this prayer...

God, reveal to me the enemy strongholds in your blood-bought territory of my inward parts. Make me to be completely and thoroughly occupied by you so that your rivers of living water may flow from me and refresh all those whose paths you allow my path to cross. I thank you and praise you in advance for doing this work in my life and pray many of your children will arrive at this truth as well.

My Cup Runneth Over

2010-07-26T20:03:00.006-05:00

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Psalms 23:5

In the presence of the most intimidating enemies in my life thus far, God has prepared many feasts for me. That word "table" is translated from the Hebrew word "shulchan", which means "of king’s table, private use, sacred uses". Tears fill my eyes when I recall some of the precious tables the King set for me when I felt I was surely in the shadow of the valley of death. Those were sweet times of fellowship -- precious times to cry out to my Savior, my Father, my Daddy. Times He held me and gently directed me to follow His truth even when every fiber of my flesh screamed in opposition. During those seasons when the winds of my life were swirling in confusion, God's table was a sturdy refuge. When battling those winds weakened me such that I couldn't possibly take another step, His table was a source of nourishment that gave me the supernatural strength needed to simply not grow weary in well doing. When the darkness of my circumstances permitted only the tiniest light to illuminate merely one small step in front of me, His table fed me with promises like, "the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee" and " the path of the just is as the shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day". God's table. I am in awe. I am humbled.

Then, as though His table weren't enough, He abundantly anointed my head with his healing, empowering oil. God poured the healing oil of His Holy Spirit over the wounds inflicted by my enemies. In all honesty, I believed those wounds to be fatal, or at least permanently debilitating. How could I possibly walk again? How could I even begin to look into the eyes of my brothers and sisters in Christ. Surely they would see how unsightly my enemies had left me. No, I must not get too close to them lest they see my wounds and scars.

But God... God anointed my head with oil. God poured His own Spirit directly onto my wounds. Oh, it stung at times, but in the end, the stinging eased and the scars miraculously transformed into something new and beautiful. Gradually, as those wounds have healed, God has shown me this simple truth.

My cup runneth over. Let it run out to those who, too, are wounded in battle that they may also feast at the table of the King and experience the healing and empowering of His anointing oil.

Mother's Day 2010

2010-05-09T15:52:00.012-05:00

Here is how my family blessed me today!

Judson: It started with the 1st grade mother's day tea Friday afternoon. They sang songs: "You Gave Me Your Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookie", "My Mom, the Light of My LIfe", "Mother's are My Kind of People", "My Mom". He has showered me with paper flowers ever since and today made me the cutest card with a "heart tree" and these words: "nothing can stop the (picture of a heart) tree...Rosis are red. Vilites are blue. I dont car. I Love you. evin if im mad or sad. I love you. rosis are red. Vilits are blue."

How cute is that?! Judson, thank you for blessing me with tons of hugs and kisses and expressions of your love. I love you so much, buddy! Keep using your loving heart to bless others! (tears...)

Mikiah: Mikiah put a lot of time and creativity into a cute and beautiful card with hearts and flowers and a picture of mother and daugthter on front with these words:

I bet I can think of words to describe you that start with every word of the alphabet…
Awesome, Beautiful, Christian, Diligent, Elegant, Funny, Gorgeous, Helping, Important, Just, Kind, Loving, Mommy, Nice, Outstanding, Patient, Queen, Radiant, Sweet, Touching, Unique, Virtuous, Wonderful, X…umm, Yawns, and Zesty!

Kiah, thank you so much! You bring so much joy into my life. Always, always, always use your creativity and compassion to bless those around you. (more tears...)

Josh: Josh bought me a dozen beautiful roses of varying colors and sang me this song he wrote especially for Mother's Day 2010:

She held her little baby boy tightly in her arms
Praying blessings over him, that God would seize his heart.
Little did she know the impact that her prayers would make.
The boy prays every day to thank God for his mom of faith.

Chorus
And I am who I am today
Because your prayers have saved
And I praise the Lord every day
That I have a mom like you.

Several years later, her seeds began to grow.
This little boy of six asked her just how he could know
That he would spend eternity wrapped in God's loving arms.
Then mother prayed with son and led him to the Lord.

As this boy grew older, he began to dream.
At 14 he flew off to share the gospel of the King.
His mom encouraged him to follow the leading of the Lord.
So, with his mom behind him, he took up his Holy Sword.

Soon after this, sickness struck, the son's life fell apart.
As her little boy neared death, it began to break her heart.
But praise the Lord his mom still prayed.
Because of her, he's a live today.

Mom, I'm growing older, soon I'll be a man.
But I'll rmemeber everything that's made me who I am.
Your love for me, your care. Your words of wisdom, too.
I just hope someday that I might find a wife like you.

Josh, never ever ever stop writing your songs that make me cry (from joy, of course). I love you so much and pray you'll keep blessing others with the gifts God has blessed you. Thank you! (Even more tears...)

Jim: At my request, my wonderful husband grilled hamburgers. Yes, that's what I was craving! He made every last bit of lunch which was very, very yummy! He and the family cleaned up every bit of the mess. But, the most touching thing was the prayer he prayed before lunch. More, more, more tears. Next month we will celebrate our 25th wedding anniversay. God has greatly blessed us this year beyond my ability to express. This, beyond a doubt, is the beat year yet.

Honey, what can I say? I love you beyond expression. You are amazing and I love what God is doing in you and through you. I can't wait for the adventure of the next 25 years!

Thank you, most amazing family, for a very memorable day. Thank you, Most Amazing God, for a wonderful family.

Now for a nap. I'm exhausted from all that crying! :o)

Let Jesus in Your Ship

2010-04-27T06:17:00.003-05:00

John 6:15-21 When Jesus therefore perceived that they would come and take him by force, to make him a king, he departed again into a mountain himself alone. And when even was now come, his disciples went down unto the sea, And entered into a ship, and went over the sea toward Capernaum. And it was now dark, and Jesus was not come to them. And the sea arose by reason of a great wind that blew. So when they had rowed about five and twenty or thirty furlongs, they see Jesus walking on the sea, and drawing nigh unto the ship: and they were afraid. But he saith unto them, It is I; be not afraid. Then they willingly received him into the ship: and immediately the ship was at the land whither they went.

As I was grappling with the Holy Spirit last night regarding some unfamiliar waters in which I find myself, He led me to this passage in John. He reminded me He has control over my unfamiliar waters, asked me to recognize him in them, and showed me not to fear. He challenged me to willingly accept him into my life's boat tossed about in the waters for the purpose of arriving in the place He wishes me to go. Praise God!

What waters do you find yourself in today? Will you willingly let Jesus into your vessel? He has a destination for you! Life and it's storms are not random.

Examine Yourselves

2010-04-19T06:09:00.002-05:00

I Peter 1:15-16: As he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation; Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.

Recently, as I look at the concept of being holy, and I couple that command with the words of 2 Corinthians 13:5, "Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith," I am overwhelmed with a desire to do just that. My prayer today, and hopefully every day from hence forth, is that God will show me any "manner of conversation" in my life that is not holy. I have a strong desire for a deeper understanding of holiness. I know we cannot be seen by God as holy except through the blood of Jesus. I understand that doctrine. But I also see God commanding us to live holy lives. This is not conforming to a set of rules set forth by man, but conforming to the image of Christ. At the risk of using a Christian cliche', I think perhaps asking the question, what would Jesus do, is a pretty good idea! I think holiness encompasses more than my finite mind can comprehend, but in the context of I Peter 1, holiness is generated by strong, holy thinking (verse13), and by abandoning our old lifestyle that did not reflect God (verse 14). It sounds so simple, but how much of what I think, say and do reflect true godliness and how much reflects patterns that have been established from childhood that perhaps are not godly, are unholy? At present, my spiritual quest is focused on this matter of holy living as dictated by God. I believe it will fall somewhere between careful conformation to man's religious rules and regulations and permissiveness in the name of liberty in Christ. I'm not convinced that the practice of true holiness even belongs on the same continuum with the two... God, I pray you would show me my heart as it compares to your standard of holiness.

The Long Defeat

2010-03-08T22:49:00.004-06:00

The Long Defeat - by Sara Groves

I have joined the long defeat

that falling set in motion

all my strength and energy

are raindrops in the ocean

so conditioned for the win

to share in victor's stories

but in the place of ambition's din

I've heard of other glories

I pray for an idea

and a way I cannot see

It's too heavy to carry

and impossible to leave

I can't just fight when I think I'll win

that's the end of all belief

and nothing has provoked it more

than a possible defeat

I pray for an idea

and a way I cannot see

It's too heavy to carry

and impossible to leave

We walk a while we sit and rest

we lay it on the altar

I won't pretend to know what's next

but what I have I've offered

I pray for a vision

and a way I cannot see

It's too heavy to carry

and impossible to leave

I pray for inspiration

and a way I cannot see

It's too heavy to carry

and impossible to leave

2 Corinthians 4:8 ¶ We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; {in despair: or, altogether without help, or, means}9 Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;10 Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body.11 For we which live are alway delivered unto death for Jesus’ sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh.12 So then death worketh in us, but life in you.13 We having the same spirit of faith, according as it is written, I believed, and therefore have I spoken; we also believe, and therefore speak;14 Knowing that he which raised up the Lord Jesus shall raise up us also by Jesus, and shall present us with you.15 For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many redound to the glory of God.16 For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;18 While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.

My heart at times grows so heavy I believe I cannot bear it any longer. I want so badly to stop, but there are those things in life that are eternal and are worth the fight. Be not weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap if we faint not. Be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Not by might, nor by power, but but His Spirit!

Provoking Parents

2010-02-27T07:45:00.002-06:00

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)

Perhaps the most horrific form of selfishness comes in the form of selfish parents. I have seen example after example of neglect -- physical, spiritual, emotional -- on the part of parents toward their children. I have seen the devastating results of the selfishness. Parents, it's time to grow up. It's time to let go of your own perceived needs and strive for higher ground. You get angry at your children and their behavior, not even recognizing that you are the primary reason they act out. Open your eyes -- open your hearts!

And those of you that think you can live a double life, hiding the real you from your children...think again! This is perhaps even more devastating than those who openly reject and neglect their children. How does a child reconcile the father who speaks one thing with conviction and lives quite another thing, supposing that lifestyle to be hidden from the eyes of his loved ones? The only person you are deceiving is yourself. Unfortunately, you are not the only person affected by the deception.

At a time when your love for your children should provoke you to strive for godliness, your lack of godliness is causing your children to struggle with their own. Shame on you! Grow up! Humble yourself before your God and your children. You will not be sorry if you do.

The Dandelion Rejection

2009-12-27T14:46:00.004-06:00

To him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin. - James 4:17

I have recently been going through a book called Freedom Class Manual (Revalesio Ministries). The book covers topics such as The Power of Salvation, Our Original Design, Strongholds, The Authority of the Believer, Effect of Injustice, Blessings and Curses, and Intercession & Breaking Generational Patterns. I have been especially intrigued by the Strongholds chapter and its accompanying worksheets. Generally when I think of strongholds, I think of specific sins such as drug or alcohol addition, pornography or other sexual sins, bitterness, food addition, etc. This particular book takes the roots of those sins to the true strongholds and categorizes them as anger, fear, passivity, rejection, shame and unforgiveness.

As I was making my way through the worksheet on passivity - simply the opposite of initiation -- I began to see myself on the pages. I realized that I have for years lived in fear of doing good deeds. It's not only a fear of sharing the gospel, but an actual fear of doing something as simple as shoveling a neighbor's driveway. My fear has not stemmed from a desire for the good deed to remain anonymous, but it has been a fear of angering someone through an act of kindness. I have often thought to myself, "What if they don't want me to ....?" As much as I hate to admit it, this truth about myself is unavoidable. I can look back on my life and see that I have often found convenient excuses for passivity. It's not that the desire to do good was absent, but frequently I have been paralyzed by fear and have thus passed over countless opportunities to do good deeds. Now that I see this about myself, I can also see what an irrational and ungodly fear this is! As I have pondered the root of this fear, I have realized it does not stem from my family life. I had a happy, loving, stable family -- not perfect, but happy and secure. So, then, what? Why this fear? Slowly, another childhood memory began to surface. It was an event that seemed rather harmless. It was not one of those horrific things one often hears of that many children have to endure. It was probably no more than an adult having a bad day. But, over the years, I have recalled this event from time to time. It is a memory that has stuck with me and apparently effected me in a profound way. The event and its ensuring affect was undetected by anyone until now.

As a young child I would go out of my way to do kind things for anybody or anything. I was particularly fond of older people and animals and really enjoyed showing them affection. I was happy and friendly and uninhibited in my expression of those traits. I remember one warm summer day, I picked a lovely bouquet of dandelions. I excitedly ran to my elderly neighbor's back door and knocked on the door, smiling in anticipation of her joy at receiving my dandelion gift. Much to my dismay, she frowned down at me and told me she didn't want those weeds. I was really surprised and rather crushed, but I tried not to let it show. I really didn't understand why someone would reject my lovely gift.

Several years later, I recall my mother asking me a question. "What happened to you?" she asked, "You used to be so happy and so caring." I really didn't have any idea what had happened to me, but now I can see that I had become fearful of expressing joy and concern because of this one small grumpy-grown-up dandelion rejection.

I think there are several lessons to learn from the dandelion rejection. First, I think we as adults need to be extremely careful when interacting with children. The Bible says, "whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea" (Matthew 18:6). That is some serious talk by our Savior. If you want to see me get my dander up, just talk about an injustice inflicted upon a child by an adult. Nothing makes me angrier than child molestation and abuse! I have personally known several people who have been abused and have had to overcome many difficult things in their adulthood because of the horrific wrongs committed against them as a child. The satanic influence behind those wrongs and the strongholds created by those wrongs are very easy to identify. However, I have never stopped to think of the "small" wounds that occur in childhood that Satan can take advantage of. It took me 30 to 40 years to identify and question the irrationality of my fear that lead to passivity. Do you know how many good deeds were overlooked, how many missed opportunities were created by that one seemingly insignificant event in my life? Oh, how Satan used that and probably other events that followed to build as huge lie in my mind. The result? I have not become the person God created me to be. I have neglected the gifts He gave me. And I didn't even realize it! If I am so affected by this one small rejection, is it any wonder that so many kids, teens and adults struggle as a result of the huge injustices they faced as children? Adults, we MUST take heed to Jesus' warning. Our offenses to children are indeed serious!

Parents, another lesson we can learn from the dandelion rejection is to equip our children to recognize who they were created to be and to identify lies that would keep them from realizing that potential. I have no delusions about being a perfect mother. I have made mistakes in words and in deeds with my children. I will make more mistakes with them. I am saved and growing in grace daily, but I still mess up! I want my kids to be equipped to deal with any opportunities I or another individual may give the enemy to mess with them. I want their confidence to be in God and what He says about them. Not in any person or any person's actions toward them.

Finally, I think it is important for each of us to recognize our potential in Christ. Some of us grew up in circumstances that were horrible beyond description. Others grew up in good, loving, strong families. What I am learning is that regardless of circumstances, Satan's goal is to target those areas in which God has gifted us and make sure those gifts never come under the influence of the Holy Spirit. Satan's tactics for neutralizing us are many! On the other hand, regardless of our childhood experiences, God has gifted each of us and wants to fully empower those gifts to be used for His Kingdom and His glory. That means ALL of us! He loves us each dearly. He is so passionate about each of us that he willingly gave his life for us. He loves us so much, that he spoke harsh words to any who will harm us as children. So, we each have a choice. Admittedly, the choices may be painful and seem impossible for some, but they are still a reality. We have a choice to remain the person we have become in order to cope with injustices in our lives, or we can choose to allow God to heal the wounds inflicted by those injustices and transform us into our original design.

Christmas Cheer

2009-12-25T14:08:00.004-06:00

I love Christmas! I have thoroughly enjoyed this day with my family. I love the laziness of the day and the joy of watching the kids open presents. I found great joy in listening to my husband read the Christmas story from the Gospel of Luke with tears in his eyes and his voice cracking with emotion in response to the love of our God. I love the fact that there are several inches of snow outside today -- no official reading because of the blowing snow, but enough to keep us from traveling down south to spend an evening with my family. I love the fact that this year we are missing Christmas with my extended family because of a beautiful snow rather than Josh's debilitating illness. I have so much to be thankful for!

One thing I have to be thankful for this year is a movement of the Holy Spirit we have been witnessing among the youth in Raytown. In September, Josh felt led to start a Bible study for Raytown High School boys. It started on a Monday night with about five boys in our basement. The group has expanded to about 27 to 30 guys every Monday night. They have graduated from our basement to our detached two-car garage, fixed up to accommodate a group of teens complete with donated carpet, furniture, TV's, game systems and an air-hockey table. This group is known as the Band of Brothers, or BOB, and their meeting place affectionately called "The BOB". We are seeing lives transformed, and our lives are being transformed in the process.

Monday night, December 22, 2009, we held our first annual BOB Christmas party at Ridgeview Christian Church in Raytown. The kids invited teenage boys and girls to come and eat, play games and hear two bands, "Me Personally" and "This My Father". There were about 50 to 60 kids there, and it was an amazing night. I saw teens sharing their faith with a boldness I desire to have! In the end, 11 kids came to the altar to express their desire to follow Jesus. It looks as though we will be starting a Band of Sisters (BOS?!) as well. God is moving, and it is such an honor to be permitted a small part in that movement.

As I've seen probably twenty-some kids come to Christ this year, I've been thinking much about salvation and repentance. Today the following article by Catherine Booth. Repentance is the missing element in Christianity today -- at least "Christianity" in America. This article bears repeating. I came away asking God, what is my Isaac? Read the following, and you will see what I mean.

THE HIGHWAY OF OUR GOD

By CATHERINE BOOTH
PART I: ENTERING THE HIGHWAY
CHAPTER ONE What is Repentance?

IN the mouths of three witnesses--John the Baptist, Jesus Christ and the Apostle Paul--this word shall be established, that repentance is an indispensable condition of entering the Kingdom of God.

People generally are all at sea on this subject, as though insisting that repentance were an arbitrary arrangement on the part of God. I believe God has made human salvation as easy as His almighty, infinite mind could make it. But there is a necessity in the case that we should 'repent and turn to God.' It is just as necessary that my feelings be changed and brought to repentance toward God as it is that the wicked, disobedient boy should have his feelings brought back into harmony with his father before he can be forgiven. Precisely the same laws of mind are brought into action in both cases, and there is the same necessity in both.

If any father has a prodigal son, I ask, How is it that you are not reconciled to your son? You love him intensely. Probably you are more conscious of your love for him than for any other of your children. Your heart yearns over him, you pray for him, you dream of him, your bowels yearn over him. Why are you not reconciled? Why are you obliged to hold him at arm's length and not have him come in and out, and live with you on the same terms as the affectionate, obedient daughter? 'Oh!' you say, 'the case is different. I cannot. It is not "I would not", but "I cannot". Before that can possibly be the boy's feelings must be changed toward me. He has mistaken notions and thinks I am hard and exacting. I have done all a father could do, but he will go on in defiance of my will. You say, 'As a wise and righteous father I must insist on a change in him. He must confess his sin and ask me to forgive him. Then I should run to meet him and put my arms around his neck!' But there is a 'cannot' in the case.

Just so. It is not that God does not love you, sinner, or that the great benevolent heart of God has not, as it were, wept tears of blood over you. It is not that He would not put His loving arms around you this moment if you would only come to His feet, and confess your wrong, and seek His pardon. He cannot. The laws of His universe are against His doing so. The good of, it may be, millions of immortal beings is involved. He dare not and cannot until there is a change of mind in you. You must repent. 'Except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.'

Well, if repentance be an indispensable condition of salvation, let us try to find out what repentance really is. How full of confusion the world and the Church are upon this subject!
Repentance is not merely conviction of sin. If it were, what a different world we should have, for there are tens of thousands on whose hearts God's Spirit has done His office by convincing them of sin. We should be perfectly astounded if we had any conception of the multitudes whom God has convinced of sin, as he did Agrippa and Festus. They are convinced of sin, but they go no further. That is not repentance. They live this week as they did last.

Neither is repentance mere sorrow for sin. I have seen people weep bitterly and writhe and struggle, yet hug their idols, and vain has it been to try to shake them from them. If Jesus Christ would have saved them with those idols they would have had no objection at all. If they could have got through the strait gate with one particular idol they would have gone through long since, but to part with it is another thing. Some people will weep like your stubborn child when you want him to do something which he does not want to do. He will cry, and when you apply the rod he will cry harder, but he will not yield. When he yields he becomes a penitent, but until he does he is merely a convicted sinner.

When God applies the rod of His Spirit, of His providence, of His word, sinners will cry, and wince, and whine, and make you believe they are praying and want to be saved, but all the while they are holding their necks as stiff as iron. They will not submit. The moment they submit they become true penitents and are saved. There is no mistake more common than for people to suppose they are penitents when they are not.

Repentance, therefore, is not mere sorrow for sin. A man may be ever so sorry and all the way down to death be hugging some forbidden thing, as the young ruler hugged his possessions. But that is not repentance. Neither is repentance a promise that you will forsake sin in the future. If it were there would be many more penitents. There is scarcely a poor drunkard that does not promise, in his own mind, or to his poor wife, or somebody, that he will forsake his cups. There is scarcely any kind of a sinner who does not continually promise that he will one day give up his sin and turn to God, but he does not do it.

What then is repentance? Repentance is simply renouncing sin--turning round from darkness to light, from the power of Satan unto God. This is giving up sin in your heart, in purpose, in desire, resolving that you will give up every evil thing, and that you will do it now. Of course this involves sorrow; for how will any sane man turn himself round from a given course into another if he does not repent having taken that forbidden course? It implies, also, hatred of the course he formerly took, and from which he turns.

He is like the prodigal who, when he sat in the swine-yard amongst the husks and the filth, fully resolved, and at last acted. He went, and that was the test of his penitence. He might have sat resolving and promising till now, if he had lived as long, and he would never have got the father's kiss, the father's welcome, if he had not started; but he went, and went to his father honestly and said 'I have sinned'--which implied a great deal more in his language then than it does in ours now. Then comes the proof of his submission, 'and am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants'--put me in a stable, or set me to clean the boots, so that I can be in thy family and have thy smile. That is Jesus Christ's own beautiful illustration of true penitence.

Submission is the test of penitence. My child may be willing to do a hundred and fifty other things, but if he is not willing to submit on the one point of controversy he is a rebel, and remains one until he yields.

Here is just the difference between a spurious and a real repentance. I am afraid we have had in our churches thousands who had a spurious repentance: they were convinced of sin--they were sorry for it; they wanted to live a better life, to love God in a sort of general way; but they skipped over the real point of controversy with God; they hid it from their pastor, perhaps, and from the deacons, and from the people who talked with them.

Abraham might have been willing to give up every other thing he possessed, but if he had not been willing to give up Isaac, all else would have been useless. It is your Isaac that God wants. You have got an Isaac, just as the young ruler had his possessions. You have got something that you are holding on to, that the Holy Spirit says you must let go, and you say, 'I can't.' Very well; then you must stop outside the Kingdom.

Then another difficulty comes in, and people say, 'I have not the power to repent.' There is a grand mistake. You have the power, or God would not command it. You can repent. You can this moment lift up your eyes to Heaven and say, with the prodigal, 'Father, I have sinned, and I renounce my sin.' You may not be able to weep. God nowhere requires or commands that.
But you are able, this very moment, to renounce sin in purpose, in resolution. Mind you do not confound the renouncing of the sin with the power of saving yourself from it. If you renounce it, Jesus will come and save you from it, like the man with the withered hand whom Jesus intended to heal. Where was the power to come from to heal him? From Jesus. The benevolence, the love, that prompted that healing all came from Jesus; but Jesus wanted a condition, and that was the response of the man's will. So He said, 'Stretch forth thine hand.' If the man had been like some of you he would have said, 'What an unreasonable command. You know I cannot do it.' Jesus wanted that 'I will, Lord' to be inside the man, the response of his will. The moment he said that, Jesus supplied strength. He stretched forth his hand and you know what happened.
Stretch out your withered hand, whatever it may be, and say, 'I will, Lord.' You have the power and mind, you have the obligation, which is universal and immediate. God 'now commandeth all men everywhere to repent' and to believe the gospel. What a tyrant He must be if He commands that and yet knows you have not the power!

Now, do not say, 'I do not feel enough.' Do you feel enough to be willing to forsake your sin? That is the point. Any man who does not repent enough to forsake his sin is not a penitent at all. When you repent enough to forsake your sin, that moment your repentance is sincere and you may take hold of Jesus with a firm grasp. Then 'believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved.'

So, what is your Isaac? What is your "withered hand" you fear you cannot bear to stretch out to our Lord and Savior? Do it, my friend, and meet the living Jesus Christ whose birth we celebrate on this day. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Love Check List

2009-11-15T22:23:00.005-06:00

It is good to frequently visit I Corinthians 13, "The Love Chapter", to evaluate how we're doing at loving. Here is a check list straight from the Bible. How am I doing?

Love is longsuffering (patient)
Love is kind
Love does not envy
Love does not vaunt itself (boast)
Love is not puffed up (proud)
Love does not behave itself unseemly (to act unbecomingly)
Love does not seek her own (see Philippians 2:4)
Love is not easily provoked
Love thinks no evil
Love does not rejoice in iniquity (unrighteousness, injustice)
Love rejoices in the truth
Love bears all things (to hide/conceal in relation to faults of others)
Love believes all things
Love hopes all things (hope as in waiting with confidence)
Love endures all things (remain, persevere)
Love never fails

Though an ideal relationship has this kind of love flowing both directions, there is nothing in this chapter that specifies love only loves if it's being loved. In fact, words like "does not seek her own", "bears all things", "endures all things" speak very loudly of a sacrificial, unconditional love.
That is the kind of love Jesus shows us. Here is an interesting thing to think about. The Bible says we love God because He first loved us (I John 4:19). He demonstrated that love toward us in Christ.

What if we demonstrated Christ's love in all of our relationships? What if, in time, Christ in us transformed formerly unloving people to people who love because we first loved them? What if that person who does not love God, learns about the love of God demonstrated in us and not only grows to love us, but grows to love the One who loves through us? In some relationships, this is impossible to do in our own power. It's truly a high calling. I have written previously that the means of enduring a lopsided love comes from focusing on Jesus and all that He endured for us (Hebrews 13). Recently, though, God has challenged me to take this a step further. I Corinthians 8:3 says, "if any man love God, the same is known of him." When I read that verse this week, the thought came to mind that if my love for God is to show in my love for others, then my love for God must be very deep. It needs to run deeper than any obstacle that would keep me from sharing that love. It needs to be based in something even deeper than what God did for me in the person of Jesus. It needs to be based in something even deeper than what God does for me each day. It needs to be based in the very person, the character of God Himself. The character of God is manifest in those things He does for us, but it is so much more. It is beyond comprehension. It is worthy of our attention. In I Corinthians 7, Paul stated how he wished everyone could be single like he was. He understood that is not very realistic! His reason stated in verse 35 is interesting, though, "that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction". That word "distraction" means excessive worry. Stay with me here....

A difficult relationship certainly can be the source of distraction. When we are distracted from building our relationship with God, it greatly affects our ability to love God. When our ability to love God is out of balance, our ability to love others is lost. The point? Focus! Focus on God. Focus on knowing him. Focus on loving him. If that focus is there, the love check list will be a reality in even your most difficult relationships.

Pays to Be Frugal

2009-10-23T08:37:00.004-05:00

Getting into couponing and such these days. It really is saving me money and getting less and less time consuming as I get organized.

Here are some helpful links:

http://paystobefrugal.com/2009/10/18/merry-christmas-100-visa-giftcard-giveaway/

http://www.couponmom.com/

http://www.moneysavingmom.com/

Send me yours if you know of others!

All My Heart

2009-08-26T22:26:00.003-05:00

I do a lot of things with "all my heart", but I wonder how much my heart lines up with God's desires? What does He say I should do with all my heart?

-Seek Him (Deuteronomy 4:29, Jeremiah 29:13)

-Love Him (Deuteronomy 6:5, 13:3, 30:6; Matthew 22:37, Mark 12:30&33, Luke 10:27)

-Serve Him (Deuteronomy 10:12; Joshua 22:5, 1 Samuel 12:20&24,)

-Do His commandments (Deuteronomy 26:16, 30:2)

-Turn to Him (Deuteronomy 30:10)

-Walk before Him (I Kings 2:4)

-Praise Him (Psalms 86:12)

-Trust Him (Proverbs 3:5)

-Believe Him (Acts 8:37)

Does my heart truly belong to God? All of it? There are promises attached to these -- look them up! He is the Life worth giving all your heart...

Seek Ye First

2009-08-21T05:15:00.003-05:00

Matthew 6:33-34 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

I haven't blogged for a while. I unintentionally took the summer off! Life is busy. I don't know anyone who isn't nearly out of their minds with busyness. Most of our busyness is probably self-made. I do a lot of planning. I don't know a mom who doesn't plan. It is necessary to feed, clothe and generally take care of the interests of a family. Planning isn't wrong in and of itself. I find it ironic, though, when I'm busy planning because I'm planning to be busy. When my plan becomes that thing that I seek, it is wrong. Jesus said, to seek FIRST the kingdom of God. Jesus said to take NO thought for tomorrow. I have always put the word "thought" in the context of being anxious. The definition does include anxiety, but it encompasses so much more than that. It also means "to care for, look out for (a thing); to seek to promote one’s interests; caring or providing for". I've always thought because God is a God of order, I must have an orderly life, and that order is accomplished by planning. Psalms 37:23 says, "The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD..." Do I plan and seek to follow my plan so much that I leave no room for God to order my steps each day? I know there is a balance here. I believe the balance is achieved by leaving a good portion of our days unscheduled and unplanned so that there is room for God to order our steps that day. I don't want to be so busy that my direction cannot be changed. I don't want to plan God out of my day. How can I reach out to others and meet the needs of others when my own plans are my master. Are all these activities really necessary? They may be good, but are they best? Remember what Jesus said to Martha -- the busy planner? Martha had just expressed her frustration to Jesus about the fact that Mary, her sister, had left Martha to do all the work while Mary sat at the feet of Jesus. Much to Martha's surprise, Jesus did not reprimand Mary for not serving Him with Martha. Instead, he reprimanded Martha, "Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." Most of the things that consume my day will go to the grave with me. How much time do I spend with Jesus? How much do I really let Him order my steps in those things that will not be taken away? Now the question is, how to move from B (busyness), to A (at His feet). How does this become a reality in my life? This will be my meditation for the day and my prayer, "Show me, God how to seek Your Kingdom first. Show my how to take NO thought for tomorrow. Let me be willing and able to obey you in each step of my day. May You be the one who orders my steps."

The Effort of Getting Dressed

2009-05-28T04:31:00.004-05:00

"Put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness." (Ephesians 4:24)

Recently I have been having a lot of trouble getting up on time. When I oversleep, it has a pretty negative effect on my entire day. Usually it means I will either not spend time in the Bible and in prayer -- or at least not quality time. If I do spend the time, then it means I'm late to work, which takes away time "doing school" with the kids. To my dismay, even at my seasoned age, I found myself in the habit over oversleeping and seemingly powerless to break the habit. I mentioned this struggle to a good friend when we were having coffee Monday. To my surprise, she was having the same problem. So, in keeping with true friendship, we agreed to help each other and are now making that 4:00 am "accountability call". I can't say I am enjoying dragging my weary bones out of bed that early again, but certainly I am enjoying the benefits of reestablishing that habit.

I've been studying Ephesians 4 this week. Today I spent some time just meditating on verse 24. The terminology Paul uses, "put on the new man", implies effort. When we put on clothes in the morning, we have to put at least a bit of effort into that process. It requires purposeful thought and physical action. We may not always enjoy the effort, and at times expend minimal effort, but we HAVE to put forth some effort, or settle for the alternative of not getting dressed at all (which is an unsettling thought!).

I have to admit, most days I don't spend a lot of time thinking about what I am going to wear. I am a casual person unless the day's activities require otherwise. But, spiritually each day does require more than just casual dressing. I am called to be an ambassador of Christ each day, and the dress code is pretty specific. This "new man" is created in righteousness and holiness, just like God is righteous and holy. These are not character qualities that come naturally to the human race! In fact, if you read verse 22 of Ephesian 4, before we can think about putting on this new man, we have to "put off" the old man -- the one that is not righteous and holy; the one we were before we were in Christ. 2 Corinthians 2:17, says "if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." This new man becomes part of our spiritual wardrobe the moment we accept Jesus Christ as our Savior. Unfortunately, as long as we have this flesh to contend with, the old man is also still part of our wardrobe (see Romans 7:14-25). We are commanded, though, to reckon that old man as dead (Romans 6:11-13). So, part of my daily effort is to ignore that old, smelly outfit hanging in my spiritual closet and make the choice to put on the new duds each day. Thus, the 4:00 am wake-up call. That new man really is much more pleasant (for everyone) and definitely worth the effort!

Firstborn From the Dead Pics

2009-05-26T16:15:00.008-05:00

The kids had the amazing opportunity to be part of the "Firstborn from the Dead" Saturday and Sunday. Pictures could not even begin to convey the power of this story of Christ's life, death and resurrection. Wow!

"Glory in the Highest" - Kiah was an angel (I'm of the opinion she still is!)

"Holy"

"Holy"

Saturday was a LONG day for the five "Boys Athletic Movement" boys -- and for me as the rehearsal stage mom. We were there from 10 am to 10:00 p.m. I was stage mom from 10:00 a.m. to 6:00 pm. The boys were great all things considered. My patience only thinned toward the end... :o)

Before the show...

Small room - lots of fun!

A goofy moment.

Here is part of Judson's piece. Those little guys were SOOO cute! He was in another scene, too, but we didn't get that one on video. We did order the DVD...

Here's one of Mikiah's pieces. This is the garden scene before the crucifixion. The video does not convey the intensity of this scene. It was so cool! Mikiah was a "Pharitree"...

Excited about This Performance!

2009-05-17T15:59:00.005-05:00

Mikiah and Judson are in this performance coming up Saturday and Sunday, May 23rd and 24th. What I have seen in the rehearsals is really amazing. If you enjoy watching shows, you will love this one. Hope to see you there!

Performance is 1 week away. Tickets are going fast.
Dramatic Truth School of the Arts Presents
LOCATION:
The Bell Center
MidAmerica Nazarene University
2030 E. College Way
Olathe, Kansas

SATURDAY, MAY 23 7:00 pm Evening Performance
SUNDAY, MAY 24 3:00 pm Matinee Performance
TICKET PRICES:
$10 Adults,
$5 Students under 18,
$5 Students over 18 with a current student ID.

Purity Ball

2009-05-11T19:37:00.010-05:00

My little girl is not so little any more... Friday night, Jim and Mikiah attended a purity ball for fathers (or moms) and daughters. I had the great pleasure of being a server during the dinner. The event was absolutely lovely and very heart-warming! They shared some laughs and some special moments. One of those moments included a covenant spoken and signed by each:

Father:
I will protect you from unqualified young men.
I will be diligent to lovingly guard you from even the presence of temptation.
I will teach you God's principles concerning life and marriage.
I will pray for you, seek for you, and commmunicate with you concerning God's choice of your life's partner.

Daughter:
I will accept your protection and keep myself pure for my husband.
I acknowledge that I am capable of being deceived, and will immediately come to you should any tempatation present itself.
I will listen and learn and wait for God's best for my life.
I will seek first the Kingdom of God, look foward to entering a betrothing relationship, and wait for your blessing before entering into marriage.

They had a wonderful dinner, great speakers, quiet time together and a blast dancing. Below are some pics of the big date...

Enjoying some daddy time!

There is only one beautiful girl I will let dance with my man.

Okay, Jim will kill me for putting this here, but the chicken dance is always a hoot (squawk?)

Josh took some pics before the ball.

This is my favorite.

A beautiful girl on a beautiful day.

She is a nature lover...

Waiting for Prince Charming (no hurry)!

The Assailant

2009-05-01T08:54:00.004-05:00

He's sneaky, this assailant that relentlessly stalks me, looking for opportunities to initiate an attack. In the old days, I used to accept his periodic attacks as normal. I would sense his presence and wait in dread as I anticipated the hours, days and sometimes even weeks in which I would become battered under his relentless blows. Time and wisdom have given me the much-needed weapons for a counter-attack against this dark foe. Now, when I sense the heavy cloud of hopelessness, helplessness or sadness that surround his barrage of poison arrows to my soul, I am -- though at times weak or slow to respond -- prepared.

My weapon? I Corinthian 4:7-8, is among the many in my arsenal. "But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us. We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body. For we which live are alway delivered unto death for Jesus' sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh. So then death worketh in us, but life in you."

Another favorite is found in Ephesians 6, "Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God..."

And some artillery from Romans 8... "(vs 18)For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us... (vs 28) And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose... (vs 31) What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us? He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things? ... (vs 35-39) Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

POW! BAM! WHACK!!! There, that should put him back in his place... :o)

Judson's First T-Ball Game

2009-04-26T19:00:00.007-05:00

Before the game...

Ready to "pitch".

Here's the wind-up...

... and the pitch!

Last-minute instructions in the batter's box.

Swing, batter, swing!

Rounding first.

Resting for a moment on base.

Can't wait for next week! :o)

Thoughts on Life, Death and Eternity

2009-04-24T04:57:00.004-05:00

Proverbs 24:11-12 "If thou forbear to deliver them that are drawn unto death, and those that are ready to be slain; If thou sayest, Behold, we knew it not; doth not he that pondereth the heart consider it? and he that keepeth thy soul, doth not he know it? and shall not he render to every man according to his works?"

If you have read many entries of my blog, you probably know that I often "preach" to those who go by the name "Christian". I want preface this particular blog by saying that I preach to myself first and foremost. It has been a while since I've had an entry. It's spring, which has proven to be as busy a time of year as the Christmas season -- if not more so! In my busyness, these verses should cause me to stop dead in my tracks and evaluate...

Do I do everything I can to deliver them that are drawn unto death, and those that are ready to be slain? Well, of course, if I saw someone in danger of dying, I would absolutely do anything in my power to rescue them! Wouldn't you? I would have to have a pretty severed conscience to stand idly by and watch another human die!

Reality check... I do have a severed conscience. I do come across dying people every day when I step out of my home. Romans 6:23 says that the wages of sin is death. That means anyone who has ever broken God's law is being "drawn unto death" and are "ready to be slain". Romans 3:23 clearly states that all have sinned, and I think the truth of this verse is pretty evident! Man's struggle with sin is obvious even to my six-year-old, who made this statement not too long ago, "Mom, I just don't understand it. I asked Jesus to come into my heart, but I still keep sinning...." (Romans 7!) From birth until physical death, we struggle with sin. It is, unfortunately, human nature ever since Adam and Eve exercised their free will to disobey God.

What about that death? Don't we all die anyway? The death referenced in Romans 6:23, is far worse than any physical death. It is a spiritual death. It is eternal separation from our Creator God. I'm talking about being apart from the One Being who loves us more than mere mortals can comprehend. I'm speaking of the difference between an eternity with purpose, power and peace and an eternity in the tormenting darkness of fiery hell. Yes, I believe in heaven and hell. The Bible references hell (Hades) even more often than it references heaven. They are both very real and both very eternal states of existence.

According to these verses in Proverbs, the One who keeps my soul from hell, the One in whom I have trusted and who I claim is Lord of my life, considers (discerns, understands), the fact that I do not deliver those that are drawn unto death. He not only considers it, he gives back to me according to my works. My eternal destiny is fixed. I have trusted in the blood of Jesus as the payment for the penalty I deserve for my own sins (death). However, there is still much to be gained or lost in my eternal existence. I Corinthians 3:11-15 says, "For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ. Now if any man build upon this foundation gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, stubble; Every man’s work shall be made manifest: for the day shall declare it, because it shall be revealed by fire; and the fire shall try every man’s work of what sort it is. If any man’s work abide which he hath built thereupon, he shall receive a reward. If any man’s work shall be burned, he shall suffer loss: but he himself shall be saved; yet so as by fire."

So, I have to ask myself this question. In all my busyness, in all the works that I work every day, how much of that will withstand the test of eternity? How many of my efforts are geared toward rescuing my fellow man from spiritual death? Am I so self-focused that I am satisfied with knowing my soul is being safely kept? If I really believe the Bible is true, why doesn't this truth drive my actions? Consider, confess, change...

Forgiveness Revisited

2009-03-25T05:22:00.006-05:00

Everyone has at least one person or group of people in their lives that have caused them deep pain. We all have to deal with this issue of forgiveness, and it is admittedly a tough issue. The problem with unforgiveness is that it holds us prisoner. We think our bitterness punishes the other person or protects us, when in reality we are greatly harmed. Sometimes we may truly desire to forgive and try to forgive, but the wounds are so deep that complete forgiveness seems impossible. Sometimes we may have to face that hurtful situation day in and day out, and just when we think we have reached forgiveness, something happens that reopens that old wound. These are real issues. I find myself struggling in this area at times. It bothers me that the well of bitterness and unforgiveness seems to go deep and have an endless supply! The deeper the heart issue, the deeper I must dip into God's Word...

The first mention of forgiveness in the Bible is in Genesis 50:17. As a brief background, Joseph was the youngest of 12 brothers. Joseph was favored by his father, and Joseph flaunted it a bit. His brothers were extremely jealous and eventually plotted to kill him. The oldest brother talked the others out of killing Joseph, and in the end they sold Joseph into slavery. Joseph ended up in Egypt in a series of unpleasant circumstances, but was faithful to God through it all. Finally, God elevated Joseph to the position of second in command under Pharaoh because God had given Joseph wisdom to interpret dreams and Pharaoh had had two very troubling dreams. Through the dreams, Joseph predicted seven good years of harvest and seven years of famine. Pharaoh put Joseph in charge of preparing for the famine. During the famine, people from all over came to Egypt to buy food, including Joseph's brothers. Long story a bit shorter, Joseph's entire family ends up moving to Egypt, and years later when their father dies, Joseph's brothers are a little nervous that he will now seek revenge on them for all the evil they did. When Joseph realizes their fear, this is his response: "And Joseph said unto them, Fear not: for am I in the place of God? But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive. Now therefore fear ye not: I will nourish you, and your little ones. And he comforted them, and spake kindly unto them."

What can I learn from this? Keys to forgiving:
1. Am I God that I can choose not to forgive?
2. God is in control of all my circumstances, even the ones that appear evil.
3. How I should respond out of forgiveness to those who hurt me.

I want to spend some time on the response. First, I should be willing to nourish them. The Hebrew word translated "nourish" means: to seize, contain, measure...to sustain, maintain, contain...to support, nourish... to endure...to be supplied. In other words, nourish is not necessarily an emotional response, but a calculated response – a choice to support and sustain.

My second response to should to comfort them, which means exactly what we think. Again, this is a choice, not necessarily an emotional response. Though, admittedly, emotions help in this regard!

Finally, I need to speak kindly unto them. This is where it gets interesting. Look at the definition of the Hebrew word translated "kindly": inner man, mind, will, heart, understanding, inner part, midst, heart (of man), soul, heart (of man), mind, knowledge, thinking, reflection, memory. inclination, resolution, determination (of will), conscience, heart (of moral character), as seat of appetites, as seat of emotions and passions, as seat of courage.

Yes, nourishing, comforting and even words are all calculated responses and clear choices. There is a reason, though, that "words" was translated that way. You see, words are tricky. Yes, my words are my choice and come from my will, but ultimately, my words come from my heart. In Matthew 12:34, Jesus says, "...out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh." Though forgiveness IS a choice, it cannot be feigned. It MUST be a heart understanding that I have no right to hold on to unforgiveness. Ephesians 4:32 puts it this way, "be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you." If I stop and truly consider my own need for forgiveness and the price Christ paid in order that I can be forgiven, it should melt away every hard place in my heart that wants to close against the possibility of forgiving and loving with the love of God.

If you read the joy blogs, you might remember in Psalms 51 that we have "inward parts" and "hidden parts" that we tend to purposely or inadvertently block off from God. I believe a vast majority of those "parts" have unforgiveness at their root. This is HUGE. If we can allow God to do His work in those areas and we choose to forgive from our hearts, we will experience healing and joy such as we have never known. This is what I seek. I pray you will as well.

Why Have You Done This?

2009-03-24T13:57:00.006-05:00

"And an angel of the LORD came up from Gilgal to Bochim, and said, I made you to go up out of Egypt, and have brought you unto the land which I sware unto your fathers; and I said, I will never break my covenant with you. And ye shall make no league with the inhabitants of this land; ye shall throw down their altars: but ye have not obeyed my voice: why have ye done this?" (Judges 2:1-2)

Translated -- I did what I said I would do, why didn't you? The bottom line is, God is faithful. Humans are not. We cannot be perfect because we still have our sin nature to contend with. I think the problem lies in the very obvious fact that most of us don't bother to contend with sin in our lives. We don't try to be different at all. We justify it in all kinds of ways, "I need to develop a relationship with them so I can witness to them...", "It may be a sex chat room but it is a perfect place to share Truth...", "I have liberty in Christ...", "I don't have that gift...", "I can't help it, it's just the way God made me...", "If that person wouldn't have done this to me...", etc. Jesus echoed God's desire for us to "make no league with the inhabitants of the land" when he prayed for us in John 17, "I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil. They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth. As thou hast sent me into the world, even so have I also sent them into the world. And for their sakes I sanctify myself, that they also might be sanctified through the truth."

Many of us know God's truth, but knowing and living are two very different things. Knowledge alone guarantees we will still have to answer that haunting question, "Why have ye done this?" If we fail to allow the Truth to sanctify us -- separate us, make us different, desire a holy lifestyle -- we have missed the point. God is not interested in how much we know or even how much we help others along the way by sharing that knowledge with them. God is interested in our obedience. He wants us to pursue Him more than we pursue anything in life. He wants us to love Him with all our heart, soul, mind and strength.

This question strikes fear in my heart. Why doesn't the Truth impact my life more? Why doesn't it impact the average Christian's life more? Why have we made no difference between ourselves and the rest of the land? Why have we done this? May God in His great mercy deliver us from ourselves before we find ourselves unable to look into the eyes of the One Who gave His all for our salvation, unable to use our old standby answers when He queries, "Why have ye done this?"

Lesson from the Dog

2009-03-05T08:01:00.003-06:00

This morning the neighbor's dog started barking. My dog, Gracie, not to be outdone, immediately started growling and doing her "pre-bark woofing" as she made her way to the window to see what all the commotion was about. I started to give Gracie my usual, "Dog, you don't even know what you're barking at...." speech, when I was suddenly struck with this amusing thought. (Well, it amused me anyway...) How often do we humans practice premature or misdirected barking?

Gracie, as it turned out, was joining the neighbor's dog in barking at the school bus -- not an unexpected visitor on the block. Gracie also barks at the daily visit from the mailman. It seems silly. You would think she would begin to expect the bus and the mailman to appear nearly daily at about the same time. For some reason, she thinks it is her duty to bark. I often wonder if she would bark to warn of real danger!

The human parallel can be made in many different walks of life -- professional, parental, educational -- but, I like to pick on Christians :o) It seems Christians often "bark up the wrong tree". We seem surprised at the actions of those who do not share our faith when in reality, they are just living out their lives in the most expected fashion. Why, then, do we carry on so? Did you know Jesus barked more at the religious folks than anyone else? Perhaps we should stop to investigate the things that make God bark before we join the masses in their paroxysmal barking...

Revival

2009-03-02T05:59:00.005-06:00

Bear with me today. My heart is very heavy for this nation -- for those of us who claim the name of Christ in this nation. We are failing miserably. We are playing church. We are practicing religion. We are not earthen vessels displaying the power of God to a dying nation. We are "bloodguilty". I studied a couple of verses in Isaiah today. Mind you, these are things God said to His people, Israel. He could say these words to His people today as well.

ISAIAH 1
3 The ox knoweth his owner, and the ass his master’s crib: but Israel doth not know, my people doth not consider.
4 Ah sinful nation, a people laden with iniquity, a seed of evildoers, children that are corrupters: they have forsaken the LORD, they have provoked the Holy One of Israel unto anger, they are gone away backward.

Doth not know mean the obvious plus to perceive and see, find out and discern, to discriminate, distinguish, to know by experience , to recognise, admit, acknowledge, confess, to consider, be acquainted with, to have knowledge, be wise

Doth not consider means to discern, understand, to perceive, discern, to understand, know (with the mind) , to observe, mark, give heed to, distinguish, consider, to have insight, to be intelligent, discreet,

Sinful nation means to sin, miss, miss the way, go wrong, incur guilt, forfeit, purify from uncleanness.

Laden with iniquity mean heavy, great, massive, abundant, numerous, dull, hard, difficult, burdensome, very oppressive, numerous, rich... plus perversity, depravity, iniquity, guilt or punishment of iniquityity, consequence of or punishment for iniquity

Seed of evildoers means to be bad, be evil, to be displeasin,to be sad, to be injurious, to be wicked, be evil, to break, shatter, to be broken, be broken in pieces, be broken asunder

Children that are corrupters means to destroy, corrupt, go to ruin, decay, to be marred, be spoiled, be injured, , be rotted, to pervert, corrupt (morally) .

Forsaken the Lord means to leave, loose, forsake, to depart from, leave behind, leave, let alone, to forsake, neglect, apostatise.

Provoked the Holy One of Israel unto anger mean (provoked and anger) to spurn, contemn, despise, abhor (spurn – reject with contempt; contemn = look down on with disdain)

Will you join me in prayer for Christians in this nation? We have so much, but we do not know God. We do not consider God. Pray that God will mercifully draw us. Pray that we will no longer be satisfied with playing church. Pray that our praise and programs will be born from hearts that are broken and spirits that are contrite before a Holy God. Are we really ready to meet our Maker and Redeemer? If Christians aren't ready, how much less the rest of the world? They are rejecting Jesus because we are not showing them Jesus. How can they know Him when we don't know Him. How could they desire to be Christians when we even make God sick? We would do well to consider and take heed!

"And unto the angel of the church of the Laodiceans write; These things saith the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the beginning of the creation of God; I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot. So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth. Because thou sayest, I am rich, and increased with goods, and have need of nothing; and knowest not that thou art wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked: I counsel thee to buy of me gold tried in the fire, that thou mayest be rich; and white raiment, that thou mayest be clothed, and that the shame of thy nakedness do not appear; and anoint thine eyes with eyesalve, that thou mayest see." (Rev 3:14-18)

Filter Failure

2009-03-01T07:21:00.007-06:00

This morning I had filter failure. It's quite distressing to pour a cup of delicious-smelling coffee, raise it toward my lips with great anticipation and then see the dreaded coffee ground or two floating on top - yuck! My coffee was rendered useless...

As a follower of Jesus, I have "filter failure" from time to time, too. Jesus said we are in the world, but not of the world. (John 17:15 and others) Allow me to expand on the coffee analogy. In this case, I would be the coffee maker (Mrs. Coffee). The water would represent the Holy Spirit of God and the Word of God, which are pure and a vital part of my makeup. The coffee grounds represent the world that I live in. The filter would be my sensitivity to the Spirit and the Word. See where I am going with this?... As a Christian, I am indwelled by the Holy Spirit at the point of salvation. I have access to the Bible and a billion Bible study helps. These are the things by which my "new man" is driven. In coffee making, when the water mixes perfectly with the grounds, the result is very satisfying -- even powerful for some of us! When God in us mixes with the world in which we live, the results can also be very satisfying -- even powerful. I believe it is what the Bible calls "abundant life".

If, however, my filter isn't working, my new man mixes a little too much with the world. Just as filter failure destroys the purpose of my coffee (drinking), so does spiritual filter failure destroy my purpose as a Christian. I am not effective as a tool through which God's power can work, nor am I of much use to those who do not know Christ personally. I have lost my purpose, and that's a pretty miserable place to live. Ever been there? I certainly have...

The good news is, filter failure is fixable! Hebrews 12:1 instructs us to lay aside the weight and the sin that slow us down in this Christian race. The weights are the things that are not necessarily sin, but are not necessarily helping us along. The sin is -- well, sin! I John 1:9 says we simply confess our sins and God is faithful and just to forgive us AND to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. When we become sensitive to God in our lives and purpose to obey Him, past failures are just that -- in the past. He wants to take us where we are right now and brew up a fresh, good pot of coffee -- something in our little lives that will be useful and powerful. There's a worthy goal...

Memory Problems

2009-02-18T05:27:00.004-06:00

Matthew 16:9 Do ye not yet understand, neither remember the five loaves of the five thousand, and how many baskets ye took up?

Judson has a Little Critters book in which one of the stories is entitled "I Just Forgot". The "Little Critter" is explaining away some of his behavior by that phrase every parent has heard (and used themselves!) -- "I forgot". This morning, when I was out for my morning jog, I was reflecting on the events of the previous day. The day started out very well. I was encouraged by an answered prayer and by all that God does to remind me He has life well under control. Though Josh is well on the road to recovery, certainly there are still some very difficult challenges along the way, and yesterday was one of those challenging days. There were several other little aggravations that came up during the day, and before I knew it, my joyful, victory attitude had dissolved into blech and blah! This morning when I was recalling the events of yesterday, this little verse in Matthew 16:9 came to mind... "Do ye not yet understand, neither remember..." I had to chuckle to myself as I compared my "I just forgot" attitude toward my Heavenly Father to those I sometimes encounter from my own children. I encourage you to do a little search in the Bible on the word "remember". May we all endeavor to remember those things God has done to assure and reassure us of His promises and His power. In those moments we begin to feel overwhelmed by our circumstances, let's take a moment to rewind and remember. Certainly, I don't care to have the story of my life sprinkled with the phrase, "I just forgot"! :o) Blessings, friend!

Cry out to Jesus

2009-02-17T09:55:00.002-06:00

Cry Out To Jesus by Third Day

To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the daysYou had were not enough
When you said goodbye

And to all of the peopleWith Burdens and Pains
Keepin' you back from your lives
You believe there is nothing
And there is no one
Who can make it right

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
And love for the broken heart
And there is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus
Cry out to Jesus

For the marraige that's struggling
Just to hang on
They've lost all of theirFaith and love
And they've done all they can
To make it right again
Still it's not enough

For ones who can't break
The addictions and chains
Who try to get up
But you crawl back again
Just remember that you're
Not alone in your shame
And your suffering

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
And love for the broken heart
And there is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus
Cry out to Jesus
Cry out to Jesus

When you're lonely
And it feels like
The whole world is fallin' on you
You just reach out
You just cry out
To Jesus
Cry to Jesus

To the widow
Who suffers from being alone
Wipin' the tears from her eyes
And for the children
Around the world
Without a home
Say a prayer tonight

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
And love for the broken heart
And there is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
And love for the broken heart
And there is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus
Cry out to Jesus

Oh cry out to Jesus
Cry to Jesus

Joy Part 4

2009-02-12T05:48:00.004-06:00

Psalms 51:8 Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.

In this case "hear" means to listen and obey. What's up with that? How do you listen and obey joy and gladness? I think you could go a lot of directions with this. In light of the historical context of David confessing his sin of adultery and murder, I will consider Deuteronomy 28 as a springboard for this verse. In this chapter, God is telling the Israelites the potential results of their response to His commandments. He says if they will listen and obey his commands, they will receive great blessings. However, "if thou wilt not hearken unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to observe to do all his commandments and his statutes which I command thee this day; that all these curses shall come upon thee, and overtake thee". That is some serious stuff! As He is explaining the curses, He says in verses 45-48, "Moreover all these curses shall come upon thee, and shall pursue thee, and overtake thee, till thou be destroyed; because thou hearkenedst not unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to keep his commandments and his statutes which he commanded thee: And they shall be upon thee for a sign and for a wonder, and upon thy seed for ever. Because thou servedst not the LORD thy God with joyfulness, and with gladness of heart, for the abundance of all things; Therefore shalt thou serve thine enemies which the LORD shall send against thee, in hunger, and in thirst, and in nakedness, and in want of all things: and he shall put a yoke of iron upon thy neck, until he have destroyed thee."

I think when we lose our joy, when serving God becomes a task rather than a pleasure, we find ourselves in that state because we have forgotten "the abundance of all things". It is very easy to get weighed down by life. Our human nature is to live in the present circumstances, short-sighted, focused on that thing that is demanding our physical attention. In doing so, we quite naturally lose sight of the abundance of all things. However, when we begin to allow God to remind us of all he has blessed us with, and when we allow him to put truth and wisdom in our inward and hidden parts, we can Supernaturally begin to focus on the reality of the abundance of all things. Our journey in this life is a vapor. Our circumstances at this moment are for just this moment. Our standing in Christ, our daily fellowship with the Creator of the universe is unchanging. In that abundance, we find joy. In that amazing gift, we can hear joy and gladness and serve the Giver in accordance. However, as with every aspect of our journey with God, we cannot make this happen by desire alone. We must pray daily to have God's perspective. We must diligently continue to ask him to unplug our stopped up places and to make us hear joy and gladness. It doesn't mean we won't experience the other emotions of life. Jesus certainly did. David certainly did. It simply means our focus will be on that thing that speaks most loudly in our heart. It that thing in your life your current circumstance or is that thing consistently joy and gladness at the abundance of all things? Oh, that God would constantly cause me to remember these truths! Coming up: broken bones that rejoice!

Joy - Part 3

2009-02-10T06:14:00.002-06:00

Today, I'll take a look at Psalms 51:7, "Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow." Hyssop is a plant that was often used in the Old Testament to dip in blood as part of the Jewish sacrifices. Interestingly, it was also used to paint blood on the doorways of the Israelites before the visit of the death angel and just before their escape from Egypt. These are such great pictures for the New Testament Christian. Hebrews 9 offers several verses that clarify the picture these Old Testament rituals paint for the New Testament believer:

Hebrews 9: 15-28: And for this cause he is the mediator of the new testament, that by means of death, for the redemption of the transgressions that were under the first testament, they which are called might receive the promise of eternal inheritance. For where a testament is, there must also of necessity be the death of the testator. For a testament is of force after men are dead: otherwise it is of no strength at all while the testator liveth. Whereupon neither the first testament was dedicated without blood. For when Moses had spoken every precept to all the people according to the law, he took the blood of calves and of goats, with water, and scarlet wool, and hyssop, and sprinkled both the book, and all the people, Saying, This is the blood of the testament which God hath enjoined unto you. Moreover he sprinkled with blood both the tabernacle, and all the vessels of the ministry. And almost all things are by the law purged with blood; and without shedding of blood is no remission. It was therefore necessary that the patterns of things in the heavens should be purified with these; but the heavenly things themselves with better sacrifices than these. For Christ is not entered into the holy places made with hands, which are the figures of the true; but into heaven itself, now to appear in the presence of God for us: Nor yet that he should offer himself often, as the high priest entereth into the holy place every year with blood of others; For then must he often have suffered since the foundation of the world: but now once in the end of the world hath he appeared to put away sin by the sacrifice of himself. And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment: So Christ was once offered to bear the sins of many; and unto them that look for him shall he appear the second time without sin unto salvation.

Again, those of us who have accepted Jesus' sacrifice for the punishment of our sin have so much in which to rejoice!

There is an important point to remember in our rejoicing. God does view us through the blood of Jesus as redeemed and holy, but let us be mindful of the importance of living holy lives. Though our standing in Christ is unmovable, our state in life is always changing. Simply stated, unconfessed sin will rob our joy. Ps 66:18 says, "If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me." When our daily relationship with God is blocked -- stopped up as referenced in part 2 of the joy blogs -- we cannot possibly have joy.

One last thing to consider... If you are familiar with the Old Testament sacrificial system, and the care the priests took to cleanse themselves before entering into the Holy of Holies, you know how vital it was that their cleansing be carried out correctly. The priests would die immediately upon entering into the presence of God were they not properly cleansed. Friend, if you are a Christ-follower, the Bible says the presence of God dwells IN us. Let's ponder that today. Every day I deserve death as I am in the presence of the Holy God. Every day, His mercy and grace give me life! Am I careful to be clean in the presence of my Savior? Am I joyful at the gift of His great mercy? Thank you, Jesus!

Joy - Part 2

2009-02-01T14:34:00.006-06:00

In regards to the joy of our salvation in Psalms 51, I note that the requests David makes of God that lead up to his petition for restoration of joy are promises the New Testament believer has in place.

Verse 1: "Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions." Colossians 2:13-14 says, "And you, being dead in your sins and the uncircumcision of your flesh, hath he quickened together with him, having forgiven you all trespasses; Blotting out the handwriting of ordinances that was against us, which was contrary to us, and took it out of the way, nailing it to his cross; And having spoiled principalities and powers, he made a shew of them openly, triumphing over them in it." Consider the transgressions blotted out!

David continues in verses 2 and 3: "Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me." 1 John 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." Done deal.

David goes on to admit that his sin, though affecting many lives, was only against God and continues by acknowledging his sinful nature -- the same nature with which we are all born according to Romans 3:23.

So why do we still lack joy? David had to ask for the things we already have. Happy is our state! Indeed, I think we fail to grasp the significance of salvation, as I mentioned in part 1 of the joy blogs. However, I believe there are other contributing factors as well.... The next verse in Psalms 51 is one that I find very intriguing. Verse 6: "Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom." The Hebrew word translated "inward parts" is only used one other time in the Bible, and that is in Job 38:36 which says, "Who hath put wisdom in the inward parts? or who hath given understanding to the heart?" In the context, this is a rhetorical question asked by God himself.

The Hebrew word translated "hidden" means to stop up, shut up or keep close. Yes, we have places inside us that are stopped up -- blocked from anything going in or coming out. It reminds me of Job 41:15, speaking in reference to Leviathan, a picture of Satan, "His scales are his pride, shut up together as with a close seal. Relate this to Paul. By way of review, Paul was a religious zealot, doing those things he felt sure were pleasing God. At the time, those things happened to involve active persecution of early Christians. On his way to one such persecution session, God literally stopped him in his tracks and temporarily blinded him in order to get his attention and reveal Truth. When Paul finally received his sight again, Acts 9:18 describes it like this, "And immediately there fell from his eyes as it had been scales: and he received sight forthwith, and arose, and was baptized." It seems that those hidden parts in which God desires to inject wisdom, are our "blind spots", the hard, prideful places that we manage to keep shut up. I think we are afraid to open these stopped up places -- far too uncomfortable! Face it, we all have them. If you're reading this and thinking of someone you know, may I encourage you to turn your eyes upward and ask God to reveal those very places within yourself!

The beautiful thing about the whole concept of the inward parts and hidden part is that God is the only one who can inject truth and wisdom into our innermost being. Sure, we can acquire knowledge. Lots of people do. We can even have an emotional response to that knowledge. Lots of us do that as well. But, how often does that knowledge and/or emotional response translate into true change? I submit to you, never! Without an injection of truth into our hidden parts, we remain unchanged. Therefore, Christians are often some of the most miserable people you will meet. Sad isn't it? We have this knowledge and these experiences that really don't translate into real life. The resultant misery manifests in our lack of joy and sometimes downright meanness. Sadly, some of the meanest people I have known claim the title "Christian". So what now? What do we do? We pray. We pray and ask God to break up those scales and open up those hidden parts. We ask him to do the impossible -- the thing that no man can do. We pray for soft hearts and ask God to change us. He wants to do that. Psalms 51 says that it is his desire!

For the one who cries this prayer to God, the stopped up places will be unplugged, and "out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water" (John 7:38). We become free, and the joy of our salvation is restored. Then will we "teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee".

Isaiah 12:3 "Therefore with joy shall ye draw water out of the wells of salvation." So, why don't we? Just do it!

Joy, Part 1

2009-01-31T20:28:00.003-06:00

It is my pleasure to share the news that Josh is on the mend. Over the last several days, I have found myself "happy-shy" in regard to his progress because I am afraid to hope that the three-month ordeal is actually ending. To be truthful, I'm a little ashamed at my doubt and subsequent lack of joy. As I was praying in regard to this attitude glitch the other morning, Psalms 51:12 came to mind: "Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit." Yes, I am indeed in need of joy restoration!

I am also finishing reading Hudson Taylor's autobiography, and I have been struck with the fact that Mr. Taylor had such joy simply in his relationship with God. He was a man who truly delighted in the Lord. He writes of his surrender to service, "The presence of God became unutterably real and blessed, and though but a child under sixteen, I remember stretching myself on the ground, and lying there silent before Him with unspeakable awe and unspeakable joy." There are many such passages in Mr. Hudson's book.

Because my blatant lack of joy coincided with reading about Mr. Taylor's joy and the recollection of Ps 51:12, I thought it might be a good idea to look at the entire chapter of Psalms 51. I'm still in the process of picking this chapter apart and am thoroughly enjoying it.

Just after David begs for the restoration of the joy of his salvation, he pens these words in verse 13, "Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee." Again, I thought of Hudson Taylor, an amazing missionary to China and the founder of China Inland Missions. Not only did this man have true joy, he had an incredible burden for the souls of men. I want to share a few quotes from his book demonstrating his burden:

In reference to his experience providing medical care to a dying man with a hardened heart Mr. Taylor writes, "I could bear it no longer. Bursting into tears, I crossed the room and said, 'My friend, whether you will hear or whether you will forbear, I must deliver my soul,' and went on to speak very earnestly to him, telling him with many tears how much I wished that he would let me pray with him. To my unspeakable joy he did not turn away, but replied, 'If it will be a relief to you, do.' I need scarcely say that I fell on my knees and poured out my whole soul to God on his behalf...within a few days he definitely accepted Christ as his Saviour...I have often thought since, in connection with this case and the work of God generally, of the words, 'He that goeth forth weeping, and bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.' Perhaps if there were more of that intense distress for souls that leads to tears, we should more frequently see the results we desire. Sometimes it may be that while we are complaining of the hardness of the hearts of those we are seeking to benefit, the hardness of our own hearts, and our own feeble apprehensions of the solemn reality of eternal things, may be the true cause of our want of success."

Later in the book, Mr. Taylor shares about a Chinese man who drowned because onlookers hesitated to assist and only grudgingly did so after Mr. Taylor agreed to give them all the money he had with him. Mr. Taylor had just shared the gospel with the drowned man, but does not believe the man had yet had a heart change. He writes, "To myself this incident was profoundly sad and full of significance, suggesting a far more mournful reality. Were not those fisherman actually guilty of this poor Chinaman's death? Assuredly they were. And yet, let us pause ere we pronounce judgment against them, lest a greater than Nathan answer, 'Thou art the man.' Is it so hardhearted, so wicked a thing to neglect to save the body? Of how much sorer punishment, then, is he worthy who leaves the soul to perish, and Cain-like says, 'Am I my brother's keeper?'... Let us remember, let us pray for, let us labor for the unevangelized Chinese; or we shall sin against our own souls."

I plan to share more about what I am discovering about joy in Psalms 51, but this joy-evangelism connection was the first thing of which I took note. Dear friends, may I say that I believe the majority of us fail to win many souls to Christ not for lack of opportunity but for lack of joy we should have in our own salvation. May I take that a step further and suggest that our absence of joy comes from a lack of understanding just what a precious Gift we have in Christ. We do not appreciate the awesomeness of the gift, therefore we do not sense urgency in sharing that gift. I am making this a matter of fervent prayer! Stay tuned for more of Psalms 51...

Let Your Light So Shine

2009-01-23T08:18:00.004-06:00

For Josh

A broken basin

Might disguise

A Divine plan

To let your Light

So shine before man,

But your vessel's in

The Master's hand.

Moved with Compassion

2009-01-20T05:30:00.007-06:00

"And Jesus, moved with compassion, put forth his hand, and touched him, and saith unto him, I will; be thou clean." (Mark 1:41) Jesus, at the request of a leper who recognized Jesus' power, was moved with compassion. He touched an untouchable out of compassion.

I ask the question...when is the last time I was moved with compassion. When did compassion motivate me to action without self-regard? Furthermore, when did compassion move me to personally touch individuals I have not taken time to know and love, people who might make me uncomfortable if I have not compassion? There is a world of sin-diseased people who need their lives touched by Jesus. I am His hands. I am His feet. I show His heart. Or do I? Do you? Oh, that I will be moved with compassion!

The Path Less Traveled

2009-01-17T04:50:00.011-06:00

The Road Not Taken (Robert Frost)

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

"It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes" (Ps 119:71) This verse, albeit quite true, has always made me squirm! The principle is certainly not something I care to equate with "life more abundantly". In practice, the trying of our faith accomplishes much. It forces us to question and confirm God's statutes as they apply to life. I've been pondering some of the promises of God, particularly promises that relate to the way or path in which He leads us. When I read things like "the path of the just is as a shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day", the words "shining light" and "perfect day" bring an image to mind that is not always compatible with reality. While I understand the path is not always easy, perhaps my definition of difficult has favored the lighter side. In the process of wrestling with some of these promises, I recalled the story of the Israelite's flight from Egypt. They were desperate to escape slavery and go to the land God promised them, "flowing with milk and honey". The way to the land was extremely difficult. There were daunting obstacles in their path. Over and over again God removed those obstacles, and in doing so one would naturally assume their faith grew. Perhaps it did to some degree. However, when they were finally ready to enter the land they met with their greatest obstacle -- themselves. The men who went to spy out the land admitted that the land was indeed "flowing with milk and honey", but most of them were taken back by what they perceived as giant enemies in the land. I can hear them now..."you mean we came all this way and faced all those obstacles and this is the land -- full of more obstacles?" I think they believed that when they arrived in the place God was leading them, their battles would be finished. What a disappointment for them -- if they were looking through men's eyes. Two of the spies were excited. Sure, there were some enemies in the land, but hadn't God always been faithful? The land itself was amazing!

They came to the proverbial fork in the road. Would they take the path of faith and enter the land? Most did not. Most were done battling. They had had enough drama, enough excitement. They were ready to rest and take it easy for a while. They chose to diverge to a more pleasant-looking path. They spent the rest of their lives wandering, without purpose. Oh, but those who did get to go into the land -- they would say without a doubt that taking the path less traveled made all the difference.

"There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death." (Pr 14:12) The other side of that coin would be the ways of life. Sometimes the ways of life just don't seem right. That path doesn't look too full of life! It is extremely uncomfortable. But it is the path of life. The path in which we can fully experience God. He didn't promise us a life of ease. In fact, He promised just the opposite (in this life you will have tribulation...). However, He also promised us life more abundantly. Life with purpose. Life that means something now and in eternity. We can choose to diverge onto a path that seems easier, but what a life we will miss! We will be the peripherals, the wanderers. Ultimately, there will be no regrets when we choose to take the path less traveled --the path of most resistance. We will have times we strongly desire to step off the path. But, my friend, choosing the path of faith truly does make all the difference. Stay the course. The promises of God lie ahead, and in those promises the bitter battles of the path fade to naught.

Beam Me Up, Scotty

2009-01-13T09:06:00.004-06:00

I think it's time! :o)

Anguish

2009-01-11T19:49:00.010-06:00

Agonizing

Necrotizing

God in question

Undeniable

Inviable

Self in question

Hasten to halt

The Shaking and The Shack

2009-01-01T09:23:00.008-06:00

If I were to succinctly summarize 2008, I believe "foundation-shaking" would be fitting. I often write about the fact that God has frequently shattered the box, forcing Himself outside of my understanding. For some, the elusive nature of God causes complete disbelief, anger and bitterness. They completely turn away from Him because their understanding of Him and their life experience cause too much dissonance. It's too uncomfortable to see the dissonance through to resolution. For others, it is an invitation to a smorgasbord faith -- picking and choosing those things about Him that are palatable, appealing to the mind and soul. I have had my faith challenged on many levels over the years, as do most women and men who contemplate the spiritual. I have questioned and I have wrestled with the doctrines in which I was trained up. I used to believe there is a specific season in all our lives in which our faith is challenged and forced to be personally defined. Many years into my own discovery of faith, I now know there are many of those seasons in life, perhaps one continuous season... I am reading a book, The Shack, by William Young. Several months ago, before the onset of Josh's illness, it was recommended to me by a couple of friends. Because I was number 600-and-something on the waiting list at our library, I requested this book for Christmas. I didn't know what I was getting into. It is difficult to read. It truly challenges one's image of God. My own image of God has been defined in part by the church, in part by my own wonderful father, and in part by my interpretation of my experiences in light of my understanding of the Bible. I believe to have faith in a God one can fully comprehend would be at best depressing and at worst pointless, a waste of precious time and resources. In spite of that, my quest to understand Him continues. Josh's illness is definitely one of those seasons in which my faith is being severely challenged -- a defining moment, if you will. My response to the challenge is a renewed effort to understand God. It is interesting that I am reading The Shack at this particular season in life. The main character has a peripheral faith in God due to deep scars left from his childhood and, more recently, "the great sadness" of the traumatic loss of a child. His desire to believe in his image of God has forced him to repress anger and bitterness that he believes are sins. Rather than letting those "bad" emotions out and grappling with them, he chooses to keep his faith at a safe distance and ignore the gnawing questions he feels he shouldn't ask. In one weekend, he's forced to asked these forbidden questions. This book and my current challenges are tapping on the walls of my God box once again. The shattering of those walls resonates deep into my spirit, crushing it into millions of pieces. I read in Psalms 24:18 that "The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart: and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit." I desire that closeness. I am in a perfect position to attain further intimacy. What will I do with it? James 4:6-10, "...he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud and giveth grace unto the humble. Submit yourselves therefore to God...Draw nigh to God and he will draw nigh to you...Be afflicted and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up." My heart is broken. My spirit is crushed. Will I proudly turn my back on my faith because God is not logical? Or will I choose to humbly believe His mercy endures forever and His love is pure. Will I choose to go deeper in a relationship with the God I cannot comprehend. Will I allow the season of mourning and affliction to sever or submerge? "I will bless the LORD, who hath given me counsel: my reins also instruct me in the night seasons. I have set the LORD always before me: because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved. Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope...Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore." (Ps 16:7-9, 11) So let it be.

Psalms 34

2008-12-31T07:14:00.002-06:00

Psalm 34 brings comfort to me today. Verse 19: "Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the LORD delivereth him out of them all."

Christmas 2008

2008-12-28T16:03:00.017-06:00

We had our first wake-up call from Judson at 3:40 a.m.! In a whisper, "Mom, Santa came early, it's Christmas!" We instructed him it was not morning yet, please go back to bed. 4:00 a.m., "Mom, it's morning!" We called Mikiah down to our room (yes, she was also awake). We instructed them it was not morning until 6:00 a.m. Promptly at 6:00, "Mom, it's morning!" As much as I don't like to be awakened at 3:40 a.m., I just had to smile at remembering how excited I used to get when I was a kid. What fun! Well, needless to say, it was still dark outside when we opened presents. Thus, there are no pictures of Josh in this batch because his eyes are very light sensitive -- a flash in the eyes would have produced a less-than-joyous picture I'm afraid. We did have a very nice morning -- day, actually.

I have to share about my awesome coworkers. About 10:30 or so on Christmas morning, a co-worker's husband (also a friend of ours), came to the door with a bag of goodies. On first glance, we thought it was a bag of candy and other yummy items. We thanked him, visited for a while and said goodbye. Then, we opened the bag...our mouths were hanging open in wonder as we pulled gift after gift out of this little bag. My coworkers in St. Joseph Medical Center and St. Mary's Medical Center transcription department all pooled together and gave us numerous gift cards (Blockbuster, Pizza Hut, McDonald's, Applebee's, etc.), snacks, some cash, a massage for me and an I-tunes card for Josh. You know, when people ask us what they can to do help, I honestly don't know what to tell them. We really have no need -- simply a big desire for Josh to get well and life to get back to "normal". However, some of these wonderful ladies must have been down a similar road and known that though I cannot identify any real needs, this was a thoughtful, awesome gift that will give us some entertainment, relaxation, and the ability to eat out as that need arises from time to time. I've never had a massage, and honestly there has probably been no other time in my life that I would have looked forward to getting one like I am now!

Well, here's a few pics from Christmas morning...

Judson's Cookies for Santa. Ho, ho, ho! :o)

Adding to her pig collection...number 38 I believe.

Ta-da

Our tradition since the year we were really, really poor is to buy our Christmas tree two days before Christmas. We found out way back then you can get them really cheap. That year we got it for $5. This year, $15, but still a great deal for such a nice tree. Last year it was free -- we got a flat tire from a pothole in the parking lot so they gave us the tree and paid for the tire repair! Good deal, but I wouldn't recommend you try it!

He's just all that.

The Comforters

2008-12-26T16:57:00.003-06:00

She died last summer, severing many years
of pleasant marriage ties that held them near
to one another until death pulled her away
and left him struggling almost every day.

How could he mend the tear and close the gap
unseen by those who've never felt the tap
of life's goodbye on the window of the soul...
who've never tried to round a fraction to a whole?

His help came not from dark and distant hills,
but from the Maker of those mounds who fills
the lonesome valleys with His light and love
sent freely from His vantage point above

to bless the mourners through His Spirit and
His Word, by kindness of a loving band
of family knit to him through ties of blood
and blessed bonds of spiritual brotherhood.

He found another source of comfort in old
and sometimes faded photos, mines of gold
in sepia tones, all stashed away in books
of picture albums, boxes, and in nooks

that would surprise him as he searched to bring
the past back to the present...not to cling
to portraits of what seemed were better days,
but also to remember: nothing stays,

except the love that made them man and wife,
which saw them through and blessed their life,
then took her to a place far more sublime,
is also his until the end of time.

Written by my dad, Ken Roller, November 2008, in honor of my mom, Connie, who passed away in July. A year of firsts without the love of his life.

Happy 80th Birthday, Dad!

2008-12-19T19:36:00.004-06:00

This one's for you, dad. We love you SO much!

Mystery of Christmas 2008!

2008-12-18T21:02:00.007-06:00

The American!

The Russian...

Judson's 6th Birthday and New Birthday!

2008-12-18T19:50:00.005-06:00

I'm a bit behind... Judson turned 6 on October 5th! What a big boy. The better news? Judson had a spiritual birthday on December 10th. Grandpa Roller (dad) prayed with Judson in the midst our our crazy week of Josh's treatments and Mikiah's Mystery of Christmas performances. A perfect example of God working in the midst of the storm! What a great blessing -- years ago my dad did the same thing with me... :o)

Mikiah 12th Birthday!

2008-12-18T19:20:00.004-06:00

Where does time go?...
\

Losing Your Life

2008-12-14T05:58:00.007-06:00

Have you ever had a season in your life that caused you to move so far away from normal that you actually couldn't recall what "normal" was? I think everyone experiences the need to redefine normal from time to time. It happened in our home with the birth of each child. It's happening again now as we are nearing the eight-week mark of Josh's illness. So, this morning when I read Matthew 16:25, it took on a bit of different meaning for me... "whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it". The Greek word translated "lose" in this passage doesn't mean to misplace something; it means "to put out of the way entirely, abolish, put an end to, ruin." That's a pretty strong word! But, certainly there are times when our life's course is altered to such a degree it is put out of the way entirely. The question is, what do we do with that? Do we mourn the loss of what we thought we had? Do we fight and argue as Peter did with Jesus about Jesus' impending death (see Matthew 16)? Or, do we understand God is sovereign and relinquish our hold on our life to lose it for Christ's sake, for the purpose of making us a little more like Him?

Losing my life for Christ's sake doesn't end at that loss. It ends with finding my life. One of the definitions of the Greek word translated "find" in Matthew 16 is "to find by enquiry, thought, examination, scrutiny, observation, to find out by practice and experience." If there is one thing all life- altering experiences have in common, it is their propensity to provoke pondering. In those seasons, we become introspective, examining every aspect of our lives, measuring their worth, and redefining our priorities according to our discoveries. If we do this in the context of God as our head, truly we do find our lives. This, friend, is another reason we can have peace in life's storms. Those storms are not without purpose. On the contrary, they serve many purposes. Losing our life in the storms is only part of the "silver lining". I am eternally grateful to be doing life with Jesus!

For Josh

2008-12-12T05:54:00.004-06:00

My son, Josh, is in a season of testing. It is a season more physically, emotionally and spiritually demanding than any I have personally faced. He is physically debilitated and in pain daily. We know God has a purpose for this season. I won't presume to know His exact purpose for His ways are not my ways. I do, however, know that He has one, and He preparing Josh through this fire from which he shall come forth as gold. I breathe this prayer from Psalms 91 as a reminder to my son, who is so faithfully trusting God through this trial, of God's promise of continued faithfulness to him.

1 He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.
3 Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.
4 He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.
5 Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day;
6 Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.
7 A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee.
8 Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked.
9 Because thou hast made the LORD, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation;
10 There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling.
11 For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.
12 They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.
13 Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet.
14 Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name.
15 He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him.
16 With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.

Paradigm Shift

2008-11-29T09:52:00.004-06:00

Several days ago I was reading in John 18. This is the account of Judas betraying Christ in the garden. Peter, in his usual quick manner, took out his sword and cut off the high priests' servant's ear. In most of the great underdog-hero-type movies, this is the point where Jesus and his small band of disciples would all pull out their swords and begin to fight for their cause -- sometimes winning against all odds, sometimes not, but always leaving us with the feeling that their cause was worth fighting and dying for. Once again, Jesus' response to Peter's action forces a paradigm shift. He says, "Put up thy sword into the sheath: the cup which my Father hath given me, shall I not drink it?" Then, Jesus let them bind him up and take him away to his death.

This morning I was reading in Matthew 5, an account of the sermon on the mount. Listen to verses 11 and 12, "Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. Rejoice, and be exceeding glad" -- What!? Are you kidding!? Why? "For great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you."

God really does not fit in the box we try to keep Him in. My box has become significantly larger over the years, but I think I still try to keep Him in some sort of box -- to be able to comprehend the incomprehensible. Isaiah 55:8-9, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." God doesn't always make sense. Think of the distance between the heavens and the earth. Really stop and ponder that gap. It's huge! This represents the difference in the way God thinks and works from the way we think and work. I am so aware of my need to view life from an eternal perspective. There's something to meditate on for a good long while...

Some reading this post may know about Josh's illness. While he was in China, an old knee injury began acting up. When he returned home, his knee continued to worsen until he had to walk with a crutch. One morning he awakened and his knee was completely healed. The circumstances surrounding that healing, which I won't go into the details of now, left no doubt that it was God who healed Josh's knee. Directly after that, he began fighting an extreme case of depression that hit suddenly and seemingly out of nowhere. We dealt with this very serious depression for two weeks before it disappeared as suddenly as it had appeared. His counselor suspected there was a physiologic source for the depression, and that suspicion was confirmed just a few days after the depression went away. A day or two after that, Josh was running in a race after school when he was suddenly hit with headache, dizziness, chest pain, shortness of breath, extreme weakness, etc. The headache and dizziness persisted, and over the next two weeks would progress into a neurological disorder leading to six days in the hospital, numerous tests (many quite painful), and ultimately a diagnosis of "etiology undetermined". His mystery illness has left him debilitated requiring a walker to get around the house and a wheelchair for longer distances. He is unable to use his right hand very well. He tires easily. He is beginning physical therapy and occupational therapy three times a week. It's been a tough, tough time for him and for all of us. All the doctors assure us this is not a permanent condition, and most patients make a full recovery within weeks to months.

In all this I have asked a few questions. In light of God's answer to Job, I have hesitatingly pondered the question "Why?" Why allow such a debilitating process in a boy who is so sold out to God, who touches so many lives with his love for Jesus and who has a strong desire to share that love in China. Why allow this strong, passionate Christian man to experience weakness and physical/emotional pain to this degree. But, even as I dared think these questions, I knew the answer. The answer lies in the paradigm shift. I have to change my thinking to match God's. I have to once again allow God to shatter that box. As hard as it is to watch my son struggle, to hear his walker moving across the floor, and to see his loneliness from time to time when he can't participate in life in the same way he always has, I know God has allowed this. I have already seen some good things come from it. I believe there are many more in store. So, while I do privately shed tears, I also take great comfort in the knowledge that God is very much in control. Just because I don't understand it, I can relax, and yes even rejoice.

I will leave you with this rather long writing by Josh. He wrote this shortly after getting out of the hospital. This alone is evidence of one way God is working...

One Life To Love (by Josh Hulme)

Well, I'm writing this note to just kinda reflect on everything that's happened over the last couple of months up to this moment, what God has taught me through everything as well. To tell this whole story accurately, I have to go back to last spring during baseball season. I was playing in a game against Lee's Summit out at Legacy park, when I was bulldogged twice that game. For those of you that don't know what that is, its where the runner coming home basically tackles the catcher, and its very illegal. Now, I continued to play through that game, and I even played the next game 2 days later. This was a dumb idea, but i did it anyway. Consequently, i suffered from a knee injury that would be the catalyst for a future attack.

I've noticed that in life, there are things that happen that leave us injured. Many of us just keep playing the game instead of stopping to heal the wounds life leaves on us. I would highly encourage you not to do this, because those wounds that are never completely healed are ways that Satan can gain footholds in our lives. Satan isn't going to attack you where you are strongest and most powerful, that'd be pretty dumb. No, Satan is going to find your Achilles heel and use that weak spot to bring your whole life crashing down. That's why we need the full armour of God, not just part of it, our whole lives need to be protected and covered by God's grace and power, especially our weak parts.

Well, my knee would play a similar roll in bringing down my physical being. While I was in China (we're assuming either Guiyang or Beijing), I caught a very interesting virus. This virus was a variant of the disease Guillain-Barre, and something that seemed to be relatively small would do a ton of damage. Viruses, like Satan, will find a weak spot in your body and attack that place first. Because of my injury that spring the first thing to go was my knee, and this was only the beginning. By the time I was back home in America, I had pushed through enough to seem OK, but this virus was just waiting to make its big move. In about mid-September, it once again attacked my knee to the point I couldn't walk on it, and i had to use a crutch to get around. I went to see doctors that looked at my knee, but they couldn't find the problem. I know now its because the problem wasn't in my knee, rather it was something far worse, this same little disease. Well, One day in late September, Upon waking up I found that God had healed my knee quite miraculously, but the virus wasn't gone, it just moved to another place to attack, this time it was in my head- the Limbic System. Because of this new attack, I actually entered into a state of deep depression that came on suddenly for no apparent reason, and then, 3 weeks later, it was gone just as quickly as it had come on. But still this disease wasn't done, not yet. Now it attacked me harder than it had at any other time. One day while I was running a race after school for our drug free week, my body basically shut down. I had heart palpitations, breathing difficulty, skin discoloration, weakness, a headache, nausea and dizziness. After about an hour the breathing became easier and my heart started to beat normally, and even the nausea seemed to go away, but the rest of the symptoms would remain. The next day I woke up with a splitting headache and felt incredibly weak. When i stood up to walk I got incredibly dizzy and almost collapsed. I missed that day of school and lay down, hoping to get better. Instead I actually got much worse. My symptoms continued to progress to the point where I was taken to the doctor. My first doctor had no idea what the problem was, she told me to get some rest and if the symptoms continue, come back a few days later. Well, the symptoms continued, and worsened, I had blood drawn, and then eventually was entered into the ER. During this ER visit, my right hand started shaking uncontrollably, this was a new symptom, and very strange. After many tests and still no answers, I was released from the ER and sent home with some pain medication and once again, a wish to get better. Well, I continued to get gradually worse, and by the end of that week, my right hand that had been shaking was now limp and unusable, that was followed by facial spasms as well as shaking in my left arm and legs. That Monday my doctors decided to put me as an impatient into Children's Mercy Hospital. Once in the hospital, I started to get worse and worse until I peaked on that Wednesday. The doctors ran tons of tests, but all they could find was an elevated protein level in my spine. Finally, on Friday, one crazy doctor had a hypothesis that it was a Chinese Disease related to Guillian-Barre, and he decided he wanted to treat me for it. Well, praise be to God in Heaven, the treatment worked and now today, I'm doing much better. Both of my hands work, and I'm not having any more spasms, I only have to relearn to walk through physical therapy, and in a couple of weeks I should be back to normal. Now what has God taught me through all of this? He's taught me tons but here are some of the main things. One is that He IS sovereign, He had a plan for everything that's been going on over the last few months. I've always believed God had a plan for my life, and He was in control, but what happened seemed to just not fit with everything else. I truly started to question God's timing and planning through all of this, but now I'm starting to see just how much He really is in control, and just how powerful He really is. He never once forgot about me through all of this, He never gave up on me, He always stood there, waiting with open arms, and now I know my relationship with Him will never be the same, and I as a person have been forever changed for the better.The other big thing God taught me was purpose and just... life, what its about. I sat in my home one night as I was slowly loosing the ability to use my limbs. I sat there thinking, what if this destroys me, what if I never recover, will I have lost my purpose, will China just become a dream, something I once did? But as I sat there, I realized that serving God isn't what you do, its the heart you have. I'd known this, but I guess I'd never really applied it. I think I've lived my life trying to just do as much as I can for the Kingdom of God, and not always looking at the heart behind it. And I know that if this would have caused me to never be able to return to China, I would still be able to find purpose by serving God how I could. No matter what happens God is always listening, I could still pray, I could encourage people, I could still serve God in the small things everyday, by giving glory to Him in the smallest things that I do every minute of every day. And as I looked back over what I'd done in my life, I was truly joy-filled. I had memories from China racing through my head, of little kids hugging me and jumping on me and of them hearing about Jesus for the first time in many of their lives. I know I’m not perfect, and I've not taken every chance that God has given me, but after looking at this, and seeing that I had served in at least some places, and found true purpose in life, I was truly filled with joy, and I knew that if this were to take me down, I could be happy with how I have served God.

Now that I'm recovering from this disease, even though it may recur, I am filled with more of a sense of purpose in my life. I am going to look for ways to serve God in the little things, as well as in China. To make purpose a state of heart, not a state of where i am or what I'm doing. This is what the Bible truly means when it says 'love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and all your mind'. We can't always control what happens, but we can always control how we approach it, with a heart for God, or a heart for ourselves.

Lastly, I made this video, its mostly personal, but I encourage you to put your own life story in there. Its the song by 33 Miles, One life to love, The chorus says:

You only get just one time around

You only get one shot at this One chance,

to find out The one thing that you don't wanna miss

One day when it's all said and done

I hope you see that it was enough,

this One ride, one try, one life... To love....

That's what I'm gonna leave you with. If ever you were on your death bed, was what you did enough? Because we only get one shot at this, but heaven lasts forever, eternity isn't to far away, but what we do in this time we're bound in will determine what happens then. We only have one life to love, so love how the Bible says, unconditionally, towards your Father in heaven, and allow His love to reflect through you.

And thank you to all my friends who have been such a great help and encouragement through this time, here's my video: http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=44288331154

Dark Before Dawn

2008-11-01T09:15:00.003-05:00

I was reading Mark 15 today. It is an account of the crucifixion. I can't imagine how those who had followed Jesus in his earthly ministry must have felt. From a human perspective, this was a dark, dark time. Can you imagine the confusion? Yes, Jesus had warned them of this moment and even told them He would conquer death, but they truly did not comprehend. This was definitely out of the box for them -- and I suspect would have been for us as well. How do I know? Human nature. I am the same way. There are those times in life that are very dark. There are times when the "comfort zone" is no where in sight -- times with normalcy has taken a back seat, or perhaps left the vehicle altogether. I have found my faith pushed to the max, and I so desire it to grow rather than falter. I think of John the Baptist as he sat in prison. I'm sure he was thinking that this was not the scenario he envisioned for his life. In that dark hour, he questioned. Many do. I do. Mark 16:14 really pierces my heart, "Afterward he (Jesus) appeared unto the eleven as they sat at meat, and upbraided them with their unbelief and hardness of heart, because they believed not them which had seen him after he was risen." Mark 15 was a dark hour as evidenced by phrases like, "they smote him on the head with a reed, and did spit upon him", and "He was numbered with the transgressors. And they that passed by railed on him, wagging their heads...", and "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?" But, shining in the dark hour, was a bright light seen in verse 38, "And the veil of the temple was rent in twain from top to the bottom." This was victory! (It's interesting that the evidence of victory was seen in a completely different location than the evidence of the darkness...) In our dark hours, Jesus does give us light. We must look for it. We tend to be blinded by the darkness. I am in a dark hour right now. Thus, I find myself in the position of the father who had brought his child to Jesus for healing. Jesus told him that all things are possible to him that believes. The father, desperate to believe, said, "Lord, I believe; help thou my unbelief." So say I.

Narrow the Gap

2008-10-30T07:04:00.004-05:00

Often we are blinded to the vastness of the gap between our words and actions. It is a gap that when attempted to be traversed by those we love is certain to cause injury or death to those relationships. We all have gaps. Rather than asking our loved ones to traverse those gaps, let's attempt to narrow and close them. Be real. Say what you mean. Mean what you say...

Persistence

2008-10-24T05:52:00.003-05:00

Mark 10:46-52 "And they came to Jericho: and as he went out of Jericho with his disciples and a great number of people, blind Bartimaeus, the son of Timaeus, sat by the highway side begging. And when he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to cry out, and say, Jesus, thou Son of David, have mercy on me. And many charged him that he should hold his peace: but he cried the more a great deal, Thou Son of David, have mercy on me. And Jesus stood still, and commanded him to be called. And they call the blind man, saying unto him, Be of good comfort, rise; he calleth thee. And he, casting away his garment, rose, and came to Jesus. And Jesus answered and said unto him, What wilt thou that I should do unto thee? The blind man said unto him, Lord, that I might receive my sight. And Jesus said unto him, Go thy way; thy faith hath made thee whole. And immediately he received his sight, and followed Jesus in the way." I love the persistence of Blind Bartimaeus. He knew the One Person that could fix his chronic problem of blindness was Jesus. He knew Jesus was passing near. He knew this was his chance to be whole, to finally be rid of this thing in his life that had caused him so much distress. He knew that if Jesus chose to heal him, his life would be forever changed. So, what did he do? He cried out to Jesus to have mercy on him. When others tried to get him to be quiet, probably embarrassed at the open show of faith and desperation -- he cried even more! I love that. Can you imagine the thoughts of the naysayers? "He's had this problem for so long. If God wanted to heal him, he would have already done it!" or "This man is such an embarrassment to us. God is not interested in touching lives of people like him!" or "He keeps complaining about his problem. Why doesn't he just accept that this is his lot in life and learn to be content?" "Man, this guy is such a power-sucker!" Oh, I'm sure we could all think of more comments along these lines that we have heard and -- gasp -- even said or thought ourselves! So, what is the issue or issues in life that seem to be a recurring theme for you? What is your persistent ailment? I encourage you, friend, never give up. When you think you have exhausted all your options and you yourself are exhausted, and when everyone around you seems to be encouraging you to sit down and be quiet, cry out "all the more a great deal" to Jesus. In faith continue to call upon Him for healing. Never give up. Never, ever give up!

Another Fuzzy Funny

2008-10-23T19:11:00.003-05:00

Judson: Can I have dessert?

Mom: What do you want?

Judson: What do we have?

Mom: One cookie, lots of candy.

Judson: I'll have lots of candy!

Overwhelming Odds

2008-10-17T08:27:00.004-05:00

I just love this about God -- He loves doing the "impossible". Every time I find myself facing a situation with some sort of impossibility involved, I can go to any number of places in the Bible and find that this is most often where God works. Otherwise, I guess it would be too easy for us to take credit for working out a situation. The story of King Jehoshaphat (what a name, huh?) in 2 Chronicles 20 is one of my favorites. Here is this king who is suddenly faced with the news that a huge army of Judah's enemies is heading their direction with the intent of destroying Judah. How does the king respond? "And Jehoshaphat feared, and set himself to seek the LORD and proclaimed a fast throughout all Judah." Then he reminded God (in front of the whole nation) of some very important things..."art thou not God in heaven? and rulest not thou over all the kingdoms of the heathen? and in thine hand is there not power and might, so that none is able to withstand thee...O our God, wilt though not judge them, for we have no might against this great company that cometh against us; neither know we what to do: but our eyes are upon thee." If you read on, you will find the story ends well. God does prove Himself once again. In fact, Judah was instructed this way, "Tomorrow go ye down against them...Ye shall not need to fight in this battle: set yourselves, stand ye still, and see the salvation of the LORD with you, O Judah and Jerusalem: fear not, nor be dismayed; tomorrow go out against them: for the LORD will be with you." Judah's response? "Jehoshaphat bowed his head with his face to the ground: and all Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem fell before the LORD, worshipping the LORD." I really can't comment further on this.

What is the giant, the overwhelming situation you are facing today? We all have them from time to time -- sometimes seemingly all the time! I encourage you to respond just as Jehoshaphat did: fear, seek the LORD, and proclaim a fast in the manner God leads you. Entreat the Lord, and see that He delights to show Himself powerful on our behalf and for His Great Name. Then, when He does give you victory -- and He will -- don't forget to respond with humility and worship. No room for pride when God mercifully intervenes in our lives! Can you even wrap your mind around the fact that the God of the universe, Creator and Sustainer of all life would intervene? Thus I end up here again... "What is man that thou art mindful of him?"

Battle

2008-10-10T05:28:00.003-05:00

My family is facing a huge challenge right now. I desire so much to see God's power prevail. I know He is bigger than anything we face. My verse for today is 2 Chronicles 14:11, "And Asa cried unto the LORD his God and said, LORD, it is nothing for thee to help, whether with many or with them that have no power: help us, O LORD God; for we rest in thee, and in thy name we go against this multitude. O LORD, thou art our God; let no man prevail against thee."

Sowing and Reaping

2008-10-01T07:55:00.005-05:00

Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap if we faint not. - Galatians 6:7-9

Most of us have seasons of sowing to the flesh. Unfortunately, those seasons often reap corruption that can affect the course of our lives. It is not an accident that these principles of sowing and reaping and not being weary in well doing are side by side in scripture. Two observations I have made. First, those of us who have had seasons of sowing to the flesh have many occasions to potentially grow weary and faint as we seek to sow to the Spirit in the midst of the corruption we have reaped. God does redeem us. God does make all things new. God does not necessarily erase the consequences of our sin. King David is an example that comes to mind. David's life was forever altered after his season of sowing to the flesh. Yet, David recognized God's holiness and righteousness. He did not grow bitter and angry with God, but rather continued to call upon him and draw near to him. Thus, in spite of David's season of sowing to the flesh and reaping horrible corruption in his life and the life of his family, at the end of David's life, God was able to say that he was a man after God's own heart. For those of us in this situation in our lives, may we strive to have that said of us as well. We must not grow weary.

On the other hand, some have purposed in their hearts from a young age not to sow to the flesh. They are sowing to the Spirit with much fervor. This path, too, is difficult. This requires much strength and much endurance. This is definitely not the path of least resistance, but the promise remains -- in due season you will reap the fruit of the good seed you are sowing. Never bend, never turn, never give up or give in. Fight the good fight and be a Daniel in this world! Having lived with the consequences of sowing to my flesh, I can say without a doubt that you will never regret avoiding the additional pain from reaping corruption. I encourage you to continue to stand strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Great is your reward in heaven, dear friend!

Ye Do Err

2008-09-30T05:15:00.003-05:00

Matthew 22:29, "Jesus...said unto them, Ye do err, not knowing the scriptures, nor the power of God".

When Jesus says "Ye do err", we ought to pay attention! He was speaking to religious folks when he said this. They were some of the prominent religious leaders of that day, in fact. But how they erred! Thus, we would do well to ask ourselves these two questions:
1) Do I know the scriptures? (Not in light of what I already believe, but in the purity of what they say.)
2) Do I know the power of God? (Does my life reflect that power?)

Recently in my reading of scripture, specifically in the gospels, God has been highlighting once again the connection between my faith in Him and the demonstration of His power. Some verses that stand out...
Matthew 17:20: Jesus was answering the disciples' question as to why they were powerless in a ministry situation, and he said, "Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you."

Matthew 13:58: "And he did not many might works there because of their unbelief."

Matthew 8:13: "...and as thou hast believe, so be it done unto thee."

2 Corinthians 13:4-5: "For though he was crucified through weakness, yet he lived by the power of God. For we also are weak in him, but we shall live with him by the power of God toward you.
Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves..."

Do I know the power of God in my life? Do I believe what He says? Do I, though weak in him, live with him by the power of God? Do you? I admonish you, friends, together let us examine ourselves...

Yet Another Judson Funny...

2008-09-19T21:56:00.004-05:00

Yesterday in the car, Judson was sharing with me the story of Moses. You might recall, the last time he told me the story -- it was when the Israelites were crossing the Red Sea and he said God took a paper towel and dried up the water -- "a great big paper towel"...

Well, this time, he took me back to the beginning of Moses' life. He told a precious version of Moses as a baby all the way through the plagues. At one point he told how Moses went to the desert and there was a bush burning up. Judson remembered the Voice in the bush that said, "Moses, take off your sandals. You are on holy ground." At that point, Judson interrupted the story to tell me that that is his favorite part. When I asked him why he said, "I like the holy ground. It's cool. You can drop sticks on it and they turn to snakes!"... :o)

Well, I have to agree. Holy ground is very cool!

The Bestest Worstest Day Ever

2008-09-12T22:40:00.003-05:00

Tonight when I was praying with Judson, he did his typical conversation starter between my prayer and his prayer. He said, "Today was the bestest worstest day ever." He went on to explain that it was bad because of the tornado (we had warnings in the area that sent us to the basement for a while) and because his room was messy. The tornado also wasted his time to clean his room, he stated. It was the best day because he got to play on the computer and make a really cool book in school. (So cool, in fact, that he didn't even realize he had "done school", and late in the day exclaimed, "Mom, we forgot to do school today!")

I had to chuckle when he explained his perception of "bestest" and "worstest". As I type this, my Mr.-Fix-It husband is fixing our freezer once again. I wasn't kidding about the long breaking-down streak we've been on. The freezer is only one of the things this week. Some of the malfunctions involved my employment this week, and ultimately made for an extremely frustrating week at work, throwing my schedule off, etc. I have also been dealing with some physical irritations, and all in all just had a blah week. I wouldn't call it the "worstest" week ever by any means, but I might use the word "bad".

So, Judson's retelling of his day kind of gave me some perspective. My worstest and bestest days ever are as simple in God's eyes as are Judson's in mine. :o)

It Is Good For Me That I Have Been Afflicted

2008-09-06T12:56:00.007-05:00

Psalms 119:71 It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes.

We all go through difficult times. For me, the reward of the difficult times in life is a more intimate relationship with God as those seasons tend to draw me nearer to the One who sustains me and can give me wisdom if I listen and obey Thus, those times do, as this verse states, produce a better understanding of God's word, his statutes. Yet, I have noticed they can also produce pride -- pride at coming through the trial in such a "spiritual" fashion. It is generally not purposeful pride, perhaps not even recognizable as pride until sometime later. I think a season of affliction is different. It has the potential to take us beyond the superficial and reveal the depths of our human depravity in a very personal way. It is during those times we learn that the law of sin and death applies to us as well. Not that we necessarily have a time of untethered sin, but that those afflictions come in the form of seemingly untethered blows that ultimately (and mercifully) crush through previously undetected hard hearts and reveal sin -- the very sin for which Christ died. Many of us are are considered good people by our peers. We live moral lives for the most part and try to do good things. I think it is difficult in our culture to be acutely aware of the depth of our sin. I know it is difficult for me. It truly did take a time of intense affliction to show me my depravity and ultimately produce in me a new level of appreciation for what Jesus did for me -- unfathomable.

There are those verses that seem to be a recurring theme. Psalms 8:4 is one that I keep coming back to... "What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him?" What a precious Savior...

A Birthday to Remember

2008-09-03T22:44:00.004-05:00

I'm another year older today. My family was wonderful. Judson showered me with wonderful homemade, glitter-covered cards all day long. Mikiah also made me a lovely card, gave me a Toby Mac CD and baked me my favorite angel food cake. I intended to post a picture of her lovely cake, but it was devoured before anyone had a chance to take a picture :o( My husband gave me a gift card via Judson to go buy those traveling pants (yay!), and found a unique, much-needed lamp for my living room. He even included a card that said I still light up his life! What a turn-on!

The day had it's ups and downs. In particular, work and school were a bit frustrating today. It was just one of those days when in many ways I felt a bit like a failure. The showering of love by my family was such a blessing! Then, when Josh sang a song that he wrote for me as his birthday present (along with a Benetti's Coffee Experience gift card - yum!), the tears rolled freely down my cheeks. The timing could not have been better. I'll close this post with the words of his song...

Behind Every Soul
Behind every soul that lives,
And every soul that stands for the Truth
There was another, and there was a mother

Behind everything that breathes,
A single drop of this breath of life
For us, there you are

Chorus
And where would we be,
If it wasn’t for you
You’ve given us breath
But you’ve nurtured us too
And I’m here to say,
If it wasn’t for you
I’d be lost, without you

Everyone that hears,
A little child talk about our Lord
Wouldn’t be here, if it wasn’t for you

Every dance for our Father,
Wouldn’t be a glorifying praise

And every soul that’s won
In China for God’s Son
Would be dead if it wasn’t for you

And for every prayer that was cried to hold us together
And for every tear that was shed, as we separated
This songs for you... and we say
Thank you
We say thank you
We say thank you
We say thank you for everything you’ve done

Motherhood and the Traveling Pants

2008-08-22T05:26:00.007-05:00

I' m not referring to the traveling pants that may initially come to mind -- summer adventures and growing-up lessons shared between good friends. I'm speaking of the kind of pants that are ever traveling just out of reach of their potential owner -- me! We have been in a rather lengthy breaking-down season. Normally when things break down, it happens in sets of three. Everyone knows that. We have been through multiple sets of three over the last several weeks. What does that have to do with pants? I've been planning now for several months to get a new pair of jeans. My favorite jeans finally earned the right to be retired to the Museum of Jeans With Holes In Unacceptable Places. My jean-buying plans, however, keep getting delayed "one more pay period". (Jean buying is another blog all of it's own!) Things that break must be fixed. And, I endeavor not to put my own "needs" above those of my family. It's simply a season of life that sometimes necessitates traveling pants. (By the way, it's a season I'm enjoying immensely.)

It reminds me of the passage in James 4 that refers to our plans when we say such things as, "To day or to morrow we will go into such a city, and continue there a year, and buy and sell, and get gain...ye know not what shall be on the morrow...ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that." Admittedly, James probably didn't have jeans on his mind when he wrote this, but the lesson is applicable.

Actually, it is the time of year when I plan until my brain feels like someone took it out, played with it, and put it back in upside down -- school curriculum, fall schedules, etc. Last week I just happened to pick up a little devotional book we have that was written by Henry Blackaby, and the devotion for that day was incredibly timely. (It was almost as if God knew I needed a little reminder...) The thought was based on one small phrase from the model prayer Jesus gave his disciples in Matthew 6, "Thy will be done, in earth as it is in heaven". In heaven, God's will is done as soon as it is known. On earth, not so much. I sometimes get so involved in planning, I can't even discern God's will, much less perform it. I need to to slow down, pray, and listen. God has a plan. I would do well to seek that plan and make sure "my plans" fall in line!

Happy fall (almost), my dear readers!

Humbled

2008-08-09T06:42:00.005-05:00

It seems I have spent a great deal of time this summer dealing with fear. This, of course was precipitated by Josh, my 15-year-old, spending the summer doing mission work in China. My biggest times of fear are when he is traveling. Yesterday he flew from Xining to Shanghai, and will fly home from there on Tuesday after a couple of days of touring. So, of course, those ugly fears have been trying to get the best of me -- again...

This morning as I was walking and praying, I said some words I have uttered at least hundreds of times over the years, "..thank you for sending Jesus..." I literally stopped in my tracks as I was struck anew by the magnitude of this truth. God sent his only begotten, beloved Son to minister, to manifest the love of God and ultimately to be despised, rejected, tortured and killed. This thought literally takes my breath away.

My son has been busy doing work with eternal value this summer. There are souls that will experience eternal life rather than eternal death because of the manner in which God allowed him to spend the last nine weeks. Yet, that eternal life would not even be possible had God not willingly given His son for the ultimate purpose of dying. I have rejoiced at the opportunity Josh has been given and shed tears of joy as I have heard some of his stories. I have also shed tears from missing him and tears as I have feared for his safety. I have been surprised by my own reluctance and resistance to letting go.

I have pondered these things -- God's willingness versus my struggle. I have wrestled with feelings of condemnation, guilt, etc. Why have I had such a difficult time trusting God in this? Why has it been so incredibly hard to let go when this mission has been so obviously orchestrated by God from the very beginning? Then it hit me. It's perspective -- again.

God has a perfect understanding of eternal life versus eternal death. I only have an understanding of the pain of temporal loss, accentuated by the loss of my mother this summer. God knows as only God can what it means when something has eternal value. My knowledge and understanding are limited by the constraints of time, space and my earthen vessel. Oh, I pray that as I seek to know God's mind, He will do me the great honor bestowing His abundant grace that I might allow His mind to be more a part of me than my own mind.

I John 3:1, "Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God..."

I John 4:9-10, "In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propititation for our sins.

I John 4:18, "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love."

I am humbled. I am awed.

God Incomprehensible

2008-08-05T06:12:00.003-05:00

"Lord, how great is our dilemma! In Thy Presence silence best becomes us, but love inflames our hearts and constrains us to speak. Were we to hold our peace the stones would cry out; yet if we speak, what shall we say? Teach us to know that we cannot know, for the things of God knoweth no man, but the Spirit of God. Let faith support us where reason fails, and we shall think because we believe, not in order that we may believe." AW Tozer in The Knowledge of the Holy p 12

Crunch time! (AKA Contentment)

2008-08-03T16:05:00.005-05:00

Call it pinchin' pennies if you prefer... I think most people are really feeling the effects of our troubled economy. For those of us who were living on a fairly tight budget before, it can be an incredible challenge at times -- okay, all the time. I won't go into the details of our finances -- boring. There will always be those who are better off and always be those who are worse off than we are. I am just thankful we have our home, can pay our bills on time and have all our needs -- and then some...

With Josh gone for the entire summer, I don't think we have felt the crunch from rising food prices quite as drastically as others -- yet. In my very, very excited state of anticipating his homecoming (nine days -- but who's counting?), I am also trying to think through the practical things like menus, groceries, school lunches, etc. It seems with every purchase I make these days -- anything from clothes to gum -- I stop and ask myself, "Do we really need this?" There are those things I have decided we don't need that I have either completely stopped buying or drastically cut down on (chips, for instance). These are things that we might enjoy but that aren't beneficial and certainly not budget-friendly. These have become what they should have been all along -- an occasional treat. There are also things I feel we really do need that we just can't swing right now, which brings me right back to the evaluation stage.

Philippians 4:11-13 says, "Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

I Timothy 6:6-12, "But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and raiment let us be therewith content. But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition. For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness. Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, whereunto thou art also called, and hast professed a good profession before many witnesses."

Philippians 4:19, "But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus."

Wow! It's time to really start believing and living these verses. So, I evaluate:

1. Do I really trust that God will provide all my need?

2. Do I really believe He knows my needs versus my wants better than I do?

3. Am I satisfied just to have food and clothes?

4. Am I satisfied to have just enough food -- no excess?

5. Am I satisfied to have just water to drink?

6. Am I satisfied with any clothes?

7. Is my focus to follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness?

8. Am I fighting the good fight of faith or am I fighting "giving up" things to make ends meet?

9. Am I "laying hold" on eternal life, or am I trying to get my hands on more?

I have always measured my state of contentment based on being satisfied to have less than others are satisfied to have. (How silly is that?) Now for the true heart test... Am I content with God? Is He enough? Is His judgement of what I need at this season of life enough? Friend, how can I say no? How can I be discontent at the supply given by the One who was willing to give up everything, including His life, for me? There is much contemplating to be done on this matter.

One last thought on this.... Today, our pastor spoke on how the church in America has allowed much compromise. We have stepped out of the Light and become accustomed to walking in darkness. (I wrote about this in the blog http://foofycoffeelover.blogspot.com/2008/04/light-versus-darkness.html.) Do you think if we are forced to become somewhat minimalistic in our lifestyle, we might also be forced to take a look at what things are truly valuable versus the things we have or do that have no eternal value? What about things that truly are ungodly that we passively or actively allow (TV, music, etc)? Perhaps there will be much, much benefit in our lives if we are forced to place a value on everything in order to assess whether it is something we really can do without... Maybe, this is the exact place we want to be! "...for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content..." Is it true?

Some Pics of Punk in China

2008-08-01T10:16:00.003-05:00

Can I just say how much I really miss my boy? He's been gone since June 10th, but will be back in just 11 days on August 12th. Here are a few pics I found of him in China -- looks like a hair cut is in order! :o) I just can't wait to see him in person and hear all about his great adventure!

Almost Empty Nest!

2008-07-27T17:54:00.004-05:00

Well, we're not totally empty, but down to one kid for a few days. Yes, Josh is still in China (two weeks and two days more -- but who's counting), and Mikiah just left for camp until Thursday. Originally, I was going to go to camp as a counselor, but they had too many lady counselors. Now I find myself with the wonderful position of a week off work and three-and-a-half days to enjoy Fuzzy and mommy time! We have all kinds of plans for the week -- zoo, miniature golf, bowling, and Kaleidoscope. He and I will both need to stay busy or we might just go crazy from the calmness around here!

Truthfully, though I was disappointed I did not get to go to camp with Mikiah, I am really looking forward to the time with Judson. Since we homeschool, I don't get to spend much time with him by myself. He's a pretty funny little guy, too, so it should be a great week!

Another Funny from the Fuzz...

2008-07-26T16:36:00.002-05:00

Fuzz: Okay, have fun, mom.

Mom: Okay.

Fuzz: I'm just kidding. Mom's don't get to have fun...

:o)

Another Poem in Mom's Memory

2008-07-22T10:01:00.004-05:00

This is the poem my brother, Jim, wrote and read at mom's memorial service. As background, Jim and I were sitting with mom in her hospital room two days before she passed away. We were talking in low tones because we thought she was finally resting after being restless for a while. Mom had a saying she would use quite often when we were kids and being a bit -- well, wordy perhaps... :o) She would say, "blow it out your ditty bag". It wasn't until recently I learned that a ditty bag is a bag used by armed forces personnel to carry small items such as sewing implement. Anyway, as we were talking, mom suddenly opened her eyes and said very loudly, "Oh, blow it out your ditty bag!". We, of course, had a good laugh over this and all the memories it evoked. That incident was the inspiration for Jim's poem:

Blow It Out Your Ditty Bag
By Jim Roller

I remember you singing silly songs about
Lonely petunias in an onion patch
And a man named John Jacob Jingle Heimer Schmidt..
Your endless repertoire I’ll never match.

I remember you calling us all home for supper.
With your patented two fingered shrill.
How you made such an incredibly loud whistle
Is one of this life’s top mysteries still.

I remember the amazing basketball cake.
Cut it straight from the middle down you said,
So I did, never expecting what happened next.
It exploded and I pert near dropped dead.

I remember you daily sending us to school
With a prayer my own boys now know by heart.
Let my words and thoughts always please God is its theme.
God’s Word to us you would always impart.

I remember so many other neat things, Mom,
Like scavenger hunts and long games of tag.
But one thing I know I’ll not easily forget;
You saying, "Blow it out your ditty bag."

Blessed are They that Mourn

2008-07-19T06:44:00.006-05:00

Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. (Matthew 5:4)

Since the loss of my mother I have been doing what any person does in a time of grief. I have been contemplating some of the issues involved in life and death. In the beginning, God created man to be the keeper of His creation. (Genesis 2:5, 15) After God created the first man, Adam, God observed that it is not good for man to be alone, so he made him a help meet, Eve. (Genesis 2:5) My father was blessed with his help meet for 59 years. I've been with my husband for a mere 23 years, and yet I cannot imagine my life without him and the incredible void that would be present. I grieve not only for my loss of a mother, but for the void my father surely feels at the loss of his wife of 59 years.

So, how can scripture say "blessed are they that mourn"? In what way is mourning a blessing? As the verse says, the blessing is in the comforting. When Jesus was about to be crucified and leave his temporary home on earth to take his rightful place in heaven, he knew his absence would leave a huge void in the lives of his followers. Addressing this issue, Jesus speaks to his disciples in John 16:4-7, "But these things have I told you, that when the time shall come, ye may remember that I told you of them. And these things I said not unto you at the beginning, because I was with you. But now I go my way to him that sent me; and none of you asketh me, Whither goest thou? But because I have said these things unto you, sorrow hath filled your heart. Nevertheless I tell you the truth; It is expedient for you that I go away: for if I go not away, the Comforter will not come unto you; but if I depart, I will send him unto you."

Christ's lesson I believe transfers to every loss in our lives. With every loss, there comes a void, with every void a need to be comforted, and with every need to be comforted, a more pronounced need for a Comforter who will never leave us. James 4:8 admonishes us to "draw nigh unto God, and he will draw nigh unto you." In our loss, if we seek to fill that void with God through the comfort His indwelling Spirit brings, we draw near to him, and he to us. In that sense, the old saying, "no pain, no gain" is very real. In our pain, we gain Christ.

The Thessalonians experienced great persecution. They truly knew the meaning of painful loss. In those two short books in the Bible, some form of the word "comfort" is used six times. The promises of Jesus and their hope of eternal life were great sources of comfort for them during this time. They comforted one another with these truths. Those, too, are great sources of comfort for us.

Paul sums it up nicely in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, "Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort, Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God."

By the way, though my father certainly does miss my mother, and he does grieve for that loss, no doubt feeling that void at times, he is doing wonderfully. His relationship with God is such that he has experienced that promised blessed comfort throughout my mom's illness and in her death. He continues to press toward the mark of the high calling, seeking God's direction for this new season of life. He is a living example of the comfort of God.

Are you grieving? Though my grief diminishes a bit with each passing day, it is certainly still very real. God desires to comfort you and me. God desires us to draw near to him so that he may draw near to us. He can and will fill the voids from any loss we experience.

Psalms 145:16, "Thou openest thine hand, and satisfiest the desire of every living thing."

In Memory

2008-07-16T14:15:00.006-05:00

My beloved mother went to her eternal home Saturday, July 12, 2008 at 1:45 a.m. Words cannot express my gratitude to my heavenly Father for my family -- my husband, children, father, late mother, brothers, sister, brother-in-law, sisters-in-law, nieces, nephews, great-nieces and great-nephews. From my parents have sprung five children with their spouses, fifteen grandchildren and nine great-grandchildren. An amazing group!

The time with my father, mother, siblings and siblings-in-law was precious -- from the hospital room to the memorial service. I will at some point chronicle the different parts of the experience, but right now I want to share some things written by two of my brothers. My siblings and I were privledged to be able to share some personal memories of our mother. I shared the poem, "Last Impressions", written on this blog three or four posts ago. Three of us wrote poems, one of us an essay, and my sister spoke beautifully of my mother's ability to shepherd her flock of five. I have not yet received a copy of my brother Jim's poem, but here is John's poem and Doug's essay. I share them in honor of my mother. Because I am the youngest of five, my strongest memories of my mother were formed from the time in her life with personality changes were already taking place, likely due to the Alzheimer's disease. Though I loved her dearly already, the precious hours spent over the last week with my family have introduced me to the mother I did not know or had forgotten. This mother was not only creative and loving, but joyful and full of passion for family, life and her Lord and Savior. This is the mother now most prominent in my memory bank. Here are their writings...

White Envelopes
by John Roller
Set aside carefully in white envelopes in the drawer
Always money for God first
Followed by groceries, food, gas, clothes
Emergency funds for the worst
Looking back, I don’t know how she did it
Five of us, all needing something
Not understanding from where the money came
Just asking for what it might bring
Never a time when there wasn’t a meal
Or shoes, or packed brown lunch sack
Or the required white choir shirt
Or home room holiday party snack
Why didn’t I ever stop and hug her
Or say thank you with a kiss
Thinking white envelopes were magic
Her enveloped love I somehow missed.

MEMORIES OF MY MOTHER
by Doug Roller
The curtain began closing on my mother’s mind long before the last act of her life was over, perhaps when she was in her early forties. Whether she was already suffering from the effects of Alzheimer’s or from some unrelated problem, I cannot say. What I can say is that most people who are here today knew my mother in a different way than those who knew her during the opening acts of her life. Many of those people live—or lived—far away on the plains of south-central Kansas, where she spent her childhood, the middle child in a family of three girls, and the designated "boy" who helped her father sow, cultivate, and harvest winter wheat in the red-dirt fields of Harper County.

Many others who knew her hailed from the oil-boom town of Perryton, at the northern tip of the Texas Panhandle, where she spent most of the early years of her married life and undertook the daunting process of raising five children overdosed on energy and imagination, a condition that was exacerbated by the boredom that sometimes accompanied living in the country on long summer days. We weren’t bad kids, but when you’ve got a brand new set of bunk beds, a screwdriver, and a need to distinguish which bed belongs to whom, the unblemished woodwork practically screams for a name to be carved into it. And when you read about a winepress in a Bible story book, but you can’t find enough grapes to try it, a loaded mulberry tree actually works quite nicely. Unfortunately the Bible story book didn’t mention what happens when you walk barefoot across the living room carpet after finishing a hard day at the winery.

In our family’s case, the mulberries didn’t fall far from the tree. Both Mom and Dad had put together impressive resumes of childhood mischief, and neither had lost their zest for an adventure or the urge to be creative. I’ll never forget Mom’s creative use of language when she discovered my artwork on the bunk beds. And oratory was not her only gift. She played piano, painted, wrote poetry, and sang funny songs with names like "I’m a Lonely Little Petunia in an Onion Patch." She made the most incredible birthday cakes. And she made us laugh and sing and pray together, and occasionally she scared us to death. Every day was a new adventure.

When the curtain began to close, it happened so slowly that we can’t even say when it began. When did she put away her oil paints and brushes for the last time? When did she compose her last poem? Even before the doctor delivered the official diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease ten years ago, these passions and many of the little things that defined the mother of my childhood days had disappeared behind the curtain. My dad, who showed incredible patience and love throughout this disappearing act, wrote a poem entitled "The Thief," which says it best:

Just how and when the thief slipped in
I have no clue, nor do those sleuths
whom I've called on to help me solve
the mystery of missing links
that once held cells together in
a mind that served her well back when
she reared a striking family;
created lovely works of art
with yarn and beads and her own skill.
The thief began his devious deeds
by robbing her of knowing how
to get back to our country home
from a short drive to buy some bread.
Too soon he stole from her the place
in which for years she'd kept her "Trix"
and other breakfast cereals.
The robber slipped away with all
the means she had of cooking meals.
In broad daylight the scum would steal
her lipstick, purse, and socks and shoes.
In recent months, he hides the bath,
and sneaks off with the oddest stuff.
He'll dress her in the strangest clothes,
as if to call attention to
a woman who had never wanted
that before the thief stole in.
I think the culprit now has aides
abetting him to lame her frame,
and also tangle up her talk.
Sometimes the thief provokes a sob,
because it's hard for her to know
how precious things could vanish so!
But up to now this evil crook
has not purloined her smile, nor zest
for three or more good meals a day.
If ever I can find this thief,
I'll batter him till he returns
the loot that's left this one so stripped
of almost all that she once was.

It wasn’t until the day after Mom’s passing, as we were going through her keepsakes, that I realized just how much The Thief had stolen. Dad came across a letter—forgotten by him and unknown to the rest of us—explaining, from Mom’s point of view, an event that has become one of the stories that make up the canon of our family history: The Tearing Down of the Barn Roof. As background, it was the summer of 1964. I was ten. Kenna was nine. John was seven. Jim was a baby. Jane had not yet worked up the courage to be born into such a family as ours. We lived in a wonderful rock house a few miles west of Perryton. It had an old run-down barn behind it which served very briefly as a clubhouse for us kids—until we came home one evening covered with lice from the section that had once housed the chickens. Talk about a lousy day!

Anyway, Mom, who always had an eye for the aesthetic, didn’t like that old barn, and was constantly after Dad to tear it down. Dad, who was a busy man and perhaps slightly less focused on the aesthetic, kept telling her that he would get around to it and—knowing my mother—asked her not to take matters into her own hands. That’s where our story begins, and
I’m going to tell it to you in Mom’s own words (edited slightly):

Dear Ken,

You see, it was this way:

The children were hot and sweaty and beginning to get cross with one another, so when the suggestion was dropped that they start tearing down the south garage, who was I to shatter their world of fun, since it had to be done anyway?

So as soon as I was sure that you and Jim were out of sight, I gave into their pleas and to the plea of that faraway voice of yore that seemed to say, "Why not? More fun than trimming a hedge any ol’ day!" So I found myself shinnying up the locust tree onto the roof. You can’t imagine the feeling of exuberance it gave me, nor the pleasant memories it brought back!
I settled back and watched the children take turns pulling those stubborn nails out of the roof. Kenna pulled awhile and then came to one that wouldn’t budge. Little did we know at the time that it held the roof in place. Carefully picking her way back up to solid roof, she turned the chore over to John, who knew just where to step to get down to that nail. Struggling for several minutes, he finally asked, "Mother, why don’t you see if you can get this nail out?"

"OK," I replied. "Let me go down and get the ladder."

"No, it’s too rotten!" replied Doug, "And the roof is too weak to hold you. Let’s quit for tonight!"

"No!" I replied. "If that tin were to blow off, it could really hurt someone. We must finish the job we’ve started!" At this point everything happened so fast that all I remember was the surprised gasp from three little mouths as one end of the roof collapsed and Mother took the fancy, feet-first dive, landing in the most relaxed form of one idly passing the time of day.

Then someone shouted, "John!" And here he came zipping down to greet me, hammer clutched tightly in his hand high above his head. I shall never forget his expression, all eyes, ready to pop clean out of their sockets. How I wish you could have shared this moment of humor!

That is why I wrote this down for you. How thankful I am that Jim was not nearby and that John wasn’t hurt. Surely God’s guardian angels were working overtime. I am wondering what events to look forward to tomorrow. Let’s never cease enjoying every minute with our fun-filled kids!

My love always,

Yours Truly

What Mom doesn’t say is that she cut her ankle pretty badly when she fell. Dad got home just in time to watch her limp his direction as we ran ahead to tell him the story. In an even, measured voice that we heard so often when he was most angry, he simply told Mom that any woman who could take it upon herself to tear down a barn with three little children could undoubtedly drive herself to the doctor for stitches. Mom, in an equally measured response, proceeded to oblige him, with Kenna riding shotgun. I’m sure the letter, which was typewritten on an old Smith-Corona manual typewriter, was her strategy for charming herself back into his good graces. It obviously worked.

When I read Mom’s letter, I was overcome for the first time with the magnitude of our loss. I wept. How could The Thief have done this to us? I realized that it was not just her memory that he took, but also our memory of the person she really was. But I was also overcome with the joy of finding her again. She was not the woman in the hospital bed staring blankly at us after the tubes that supported her life were pulled, the last nails holding up her collapsing building. She was and always will be to me, the beautiful, audacious, creative mother standing on that Texas Panhandle stage with the curtain wide open, wondering what events to look forward to tomorrow.

-- Doug Roller, July 15, 2008

Prayer For Today

2008-07-05T12:07:00.004-05:00

In those times when my thoughts are cluttered with doubts, fears and insecurities, my prayer is simply...

Precious Father, may I never think too highly of myself or too little of You.

Contrary Winds

2008-07-02T08:03:00.009-05:00

Most mornings I go out early for a "run" -- okay jog or fast walk may be a more accurate description... Most mornings I really enjoy this time. It is usually early enough that it's still very quiet outside. Many times the stars and moon are still out, and it's just a beautiful, quiet time that I use to pray and get focused for the day. Today, however, was not one of those mornings. Today, this aging "earthen vessel" was a bit more stiff and achy than I care to admit. Today, no matter which direction I was running, a strong wind was almost always blowing against me. When the strong wind would subside briefly, the humidity literally took my breath away! It was not a pleasant outing today. I didn't feel the benefit of my run that I usually enjoy. It was rather torturous today, and quite honestly, it made even praying a bit more of a challenge...

As I was running and considering all these things, it made me think how much my morning "runs" illustrate this life journey we are in. There are those seasons in life when it seems that no matter which direction we turn, the winds are contrary. In Acts 27, Paul describes a sailing journey from Sidon to Cyprus in which the "winds were contrary". He uses such language as "the wind, not suffering (allowing) us", "sailing was now dangerous" "tempestuous winds", "exceedingly tossed", "no small tempest lay on us", "all hope that we should be saved was then taken away", and he even eludes to a wind that seemed soft, but was deceiving. It was a journey fraught with trials that ended in a shipwreck. The good news? Paul was able to be a strong testimony of the power of God through this tumultuous journey. He was not traveling alone. There were many others taking the same journey as he. However, they did not know his God. Though Paul suffered the same trials of the trip, he did so with a different perspective, and thus was able, in the end, to demonstrate his God to the unbelievers on this journey. Though the journey ended with a destroyed ship -- the vehicle in which they traveled, "it came to pass they escaped all safe to land". Oh, there are so many great lessons in this story! My question, then, is how do we run the journey of life when the winds are contrary? Do we keep going when we perhaps aren't "feeling" the same feeling we normally enjoy? Do we "jump ship" when things get a bit stormy and we're scared or do we wait until God allows us to take others off of their traveling vessel and bring them onto His? Do we quit praying just because it's a little more difficult to breathe and focus and we perhaps don't "feel" the power in our prayer in the same way? Winds or no winds, God is God. Storm or no storm, He doesn't change. His power persists in every season of our lives. Will we choose to persevere and allow His power to be demonstrated through us in the seasons of contrary winds? By God's grace, I pray my life will mimic Paul's in this regard. Happy sailing, my friend!

My Mom

2008-06-30T12:22:00.005-05:00

My mother is in the hospital, and may very well be discharged to heaven this time. I had the most precious time holding her hand yesterday, and remembering the woman who used to sing silly songs with me when I was a child; the woman who used to cook wonderful Sunday dinners and who had that creative flair that made Holidays that much more special. My dad told me he had been trying to write a poem for the poetry group he is in, but had had a difficult time. It finally flowed from his pen in the beautiful way it it always does. I want to share that with you. If you read this, please pray for our family. We have really been without mom for some time now, but the approach of her physical departure adds a temporal finality -- if you will allow me to use the term -- that is still very difficult to bear at times...

WHEN THE FOG RISES
by William Kenneth Roller

Have you ever tried to write a poem
when the one you've loved for sixty years
cries out so often because she fears
you've disappeared inside your home?

Have you ever struggled to pen a verse
while the one you've loved for sixty years
forgets you are her husband? Through tears
you realize you're now her nurse.

Have you ever sought to make a rhyme
while the one you've loved for sixty years
can't seem to train her eyes and ears
to share some joy you find sublime?
But...
Have you ever tried to still your story
about the one you've loved for sixty years?
You know the mist that now appears
will all dissolve into grace and glory.

Last Impressions

2008-06-30T10:36:00.013-05:00

by Jane Hulme
Her hand, though swollen,
was precious to hold.
My heart was warm,
in spite of the cold
of her room.

I searched her eyes
for just a glimmer
of things gone by,
but not a shimmer
of her past.

Across the hall
the child was pleased
declaring to all
with perfect ease
he could count!

In stark contrast
Her lips would part
She spoke at last
words would start -
then nonsense.

I know it's been
but just a few years...
it was me who then
declared in her ears
"I can count!"

I now cling tightly
to her spoken words
not taking lightly
what I just heard,
"I love you".

Her mind, cluttered,
may not have known
to whom she uttered,
but she's often shown
she loves me.

Oh, might I declare
throughout my days
and be ever aware...
my life should say
I love you!

Marriage Milestones

2008-06-22T16:29:00.003-05:00

Today is our anniversary -- 23 years! We had a wonderful time last night. We went to our favorite Mexican place and had a nice dinner. Then we went to the Lyric Opera House to watch Dramatic Truth's premier of Dethroning the Prince. It was an amazing show depicting the spiritual battle behind the scenes of the things we get messed up with in life and how Truth frees us from those things! I highly recommend it if they ever do another local performance. We had a very nice evening together.

I wrote in an earlier blog about the flame of our marriage being nearly imperceptible at one point a couple of years ago. It was a rocky time. The year after we had come through that time, I was reading through a daily devotional book, Experiencing God Day by Day by Henry and Richard Blackaby, and I was absolutely floored by the writing for June 22nd, our anniversary. It goes like this:

And the children of Israel did so, just as Joshua commanded, and took up twelve stones from the midst of the Jordan, as the Lord had spoken to Joshua. (Joshua 4:8). Spiritual memory is crucial in the Christian life. It would be tragic if, in your haste to advance in your Christian faith, you neglected to leave spiritual markers at the key crossroads of your life. Without the help of these markers, you will lose your spiritual bearings.

The Israelites experienced a tumultuous pilgrimage. Their doubt that God was powerful enough to give them victory cost them forty years of wandering in the wilderness. Then God miraculously parted the waters of the Jordan River so they could pass over and continue their conquest. God knew that at times the Israelites would face intimidating enemies and would need a reminder that He was powerful enough to protect them. The Israelites might be tempted to think they made a mistake entering Canaan. For this reason God instructed them to build a monument on the banks of the Jordan River. Whenever they returned to this spot, they would see the monument and be reminded of God's awesome power. This marker would give them confidence to meet the new challenges they faced.

A spiritual marker identifies a time of decision when you clearly know that God guided you. Were there specific times when He called you to His ways of living? Can you point to times when He guided you in a decision or spoke powerfully to you about a commitment you could make? Keep track of these important moments! This will help you understand God's activity in your life and give you a sense of direction as you face future decisions."

The first time I read this, it brought tears to my eyes. Every year if I read this particular book on our anniversary, it will serve as a reminder to me of the specific decision and direction God gave me in my marriage -- I must get rid of my pride, and I must learn to love my husband with godly love rather than selfish love. God specifically directed me to stick with my commitment and do a better job of it. I once had a friend say she doesn't know if God cares that much about all the little details of our lives. I beg to differ! Not only does His Word say He is involved in the details of our lives (like knowing the number of hairs on our head and keeping our tears in a bottle), but my personal experience shows me He is involved intimately in my life. I do not think it is any accident that we were given this particular devotion book for Christmas the year God led me in a very important decision about my marriage. I do not think it is any accident that God led the authors of that book to write this devotion to be read on June 22nd. I think God was setting up a spiritual marker for me to be reminded of how blessed I am that He chose to intervene and that my marriage is alive and become richer all the time. I'm sure this devotion has been used in many lives in many different ways, but for me, it is highly personal and relevant to my marriage. I praise God for all He has done, and pray He will continue to move my husband and I individually to look more like Him each day, and in our marriage to glorify and serve Him better together than we could apart. Thank you, Jesus!

A Reason to be Thankful

2008-06-20T06:48:00.008-05:00

Yesterday, I had a pretty intense period of time. I took Judson and Mikiah and a friend of Mikiah's to a local swimming pool. It was nice -- not crowded at all. While we were there, my sister called to let me know my dad was taking my mom to the hospital. When I was on the phone with her, she said she needed to get off because they had a tornado warning -- mind you, she was in her car driving to the hospital! My mom has been in and out of the hospital, but it is still unsettling to see the struggles she and dad go through. Needless to say, I was also a bit concerned about my sister driving in a tornado warning. Several minutes later -- perhaps even a half hour later, I took my eyes off the pool briefly -- probably just lost in thought as I wasn't doing anything or talking to anyone. When I looked up, I noticed a little kid under the water with their hands above water, moving around. There was a girl standing right next to him, so I thought it was her brother, and they were playing. But, when I looked around, I could not find Judson. In a split second I realized that little boy was not playing, and he was my little boy under water, flailing, panicking, and in the process of drowning. I will never, ever forget that look on his face. It is one of the most horrible things I have ever seen. He looked so terrified and where had I been? I got to him immediately, and he is okay. He couldn't have been flailing for more than a few seconds, but I'm sure to him it was an eternity. Of course, all these things happening in such quick sequence really shook me up. We went home. I felt like the worst mother on all the face of the earth, was concerned about "delayed drowning" phenomenon, and was also still concerned about my mom and sister. All I could think of is how desperately I felt like I needed to see my husband and get a little comfort. Unfortunately, he had not had a good day at work and was not in much of a state of mind to do any comforting. Besides, by the time I saw him, my sister had arrived safely at the hospital, my mom had been ruled out for some of the more serious issues, and Judson was just fine. There is no way he could have understood the emotional wrangling that had gone on during the previous couple of hours. In reality, his day was probably just as "wrangling" (if not more), and I have no doubt he could have used some comforting from me as well...

Not coincidentally, I was asked to teach the story in our Tweener's class this Sunday as the regular story-teller was called in to work. The story he was planning to teach? Peter walking on the water, of course. If you've been reading my blogs, you know I have been spending a bit of time on this story lately. One of the points the other teacher wanted to bring out, was who we call on when we're in trouble. As I was preparing that story this morning, it dawned on me that rather than running to Jesus first for the comfort I needed last night, I was anticipating running to my husband. While spouses can and should offer support for one another, there are those times when our humanness gets in the way of the ideal. What a great reminder that I need to always remember to seek fulfillment of ALL my needs in Christ first. The other people God gives me in life are a bonus. Those people may normally do a lot of great things for me (ie., my husband), but they cannot be perfect any more than I can be perfect!

This morning my emotions have settled down (though admittedly I still tear up when I picture Judson's panicked face...). I am SO thankful that my Judson is okay and even wants to swim again (with a life jacket!). I am SO thankful my sister did not encounter a tornado while driving. I am SO thankful my mother is receiving the care she needs. And, I am SO thankful that God uses those brief seasons of intense "squeezing" to remind me of important truths such as total dependence on Him. I want to close with the lyrics from this song...

Call On Jesus by Nicole C. Mullen from Talk About It
I'm so very ordinary
Nothing special on my own
I have never walked on water
I have never calmed a storm
Sometimes I'm hiding away
from the madness around me
Like a child who's afraid of the dark

But when I call on Jesus
All things are possible
I can mount on wings like eagles and soar
When I call on Jesus
Mountains are gonna fall
'Cause He'll move heaven and earth to
come rescue me when I call

Weary brother
Broken daughter
Widowed, widowed lover
You're not alone
If you're tired and scared
of the madness around you
If you can't find the strength to carry on

repeat chorus

Call Him in the mornin'
In the afternoon time
Late in the evenin'
He'll be there
When your heart is broken
And you feel discouraged
You can just remember
that He said He'll be there

Mental Wars

2008-06-16T10:40:00.010-05:00

Perfect love casteth out fear. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. This verse (1John 4:18) has been bothering all week. Why? I have found myself in a battle with fear. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, I feel like Peter when he so boldly stepped onto the stormy sea to walk to Jesus, but immediately began to doubt the rationale of his decision. His doubt caused him to sink. I boldly told God if He wanted my son in China for the summer, and He made that possible, that's what I wanted, too. Now that Josh is there -- now that I'm in the water walking by faith and not by sight -- the doubts assail me. Then Jesus' question to Peter echos in my mind, "...O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?" Wherefore do I doubt?

Usually faith is really not a big issue for me. Oh, I've had some major battles with this, but God has proven the truth of His Word in my life so many times, that not many things really shake my faith these days. I may have quivers from time to time or moments of outright shaking, but this long-term, fear battle has not really been this big of a nuisance for a while. Not at this level. Wherefore do I doubt?

There have been seeds of fear planted by relatively minor things -- words of caution from a friend, a strange message on the China blog, the flight problems, etc. Intellectually, I manage these by repeating truth, and I know that ultimately that truth will win. I can cast down imaginations and every high thought that exalts itself against the knowledge of God -- and I do. Yet, the battle is strong in that these attacks of fear seize me most unexpectedly in rapid-fire fearful thought fashion ... "What if..." "I hope he..." , etc. I've had these times of mental battle before in which I am just going normally through my day when suddenly I am hit with these thoughts seemingly out of nowhere and seemingly prompted by nothing. Hmmm, I wonder where those could be coming from?

I think most people have experienced something similar. Those thoughts might be in the form of "you can't...", "you're ugly...", "you're not smart enough...", "how could you ever be forgiven for that wrongdoing...", "this marriage is never going to work...", "I'm a terrible (wife, mother, employee, etc)...", "this situation is never going to change so why try..." Any of those sound familiar? Maybe I'm the only one that deals with these.

So I have been pondering perfect love and its relationship to fear. As I've looked at that passage in I John, it seems to be in the context of fearing judgement and the perfect love of God toward us that gives us the opportunity to rid ourselves of that fear once and for all. Whew! But, what about Peter? Jesus chastised him pretty soundly for doubting. What about that? Am I in hot water here? What about all the times Jesus said, "Oh ye of little faith", or something similar? It seems a pretty serious issue, so I'm looking further into it.

The cool thing about the whole Peter walking on the water blunder is what happened just before Jesus chastised him, "...And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me. And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him..." Before Jesus got onto Peter about doubting, he saved him from the disaster Peter's floundering faith could have caused.

In another passage, Jesus is addressing Peter and says, " behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat..." The word "sift" means, "figuratively, by inward agitation to try one’s faith to the verge of overthrow". I believe there are those seasons in our lives when the enemy does target our faith specifically to try to overthrow it. I mean, look at Job. Big target! The beautiful thing about that verse is Jesus' response to Satan's challenge. He didn't save Peter from the sifting, but he said "But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not"! Can you imagine? Jesus prayed for Peter's faith. Jesus prays for us, too. (John 17) It brings tears to my eyes to think that my Creator, my Redeemer, the One who has done everything for me, and given me everything I need, also chooses in His great mercy and patience to pray for my faltering faith. Even more exciting is the rest of what Jesus says, "and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren." Jesus states his prayer will be answered affirmatively.

From the time we are saved, most of us want to hurry up and grow up spiritually. (Isn't that what we do physically as well?) I think we often expect we should be mature immediately rather than growing through life's experiences. Oh, it bothers me greatly that I have been battling so strongly with fear this week. It's probably just a pride issue on my part -- I mean the fact that it bothers me. Fear and faith do not necessarily work exclusively of one another. Without fear, it would be impossible to exercise faith or to grow in faith. The fact that I have struggled immensely with fear this week (and perhaps in the eight remaining weeks), does not mean I must look at my faith as failing. Rather, I can thank God that Jesus is there to rescue me when doubts cause me to begin sinking. I can praise Jesus that He would care to pray for my faith. I can be amazed at the fact that the challenge to my faith, if handled biblically, will ultimately result in the conversion of that fear to a stronger faith.

I am certainly not proud of my wavering and doubts. But I also will not allow condemnation a place. Rather, I will look at this season as yet another potential faith growth spurt! I am so thankful for a Father who loves me not only enough to sacrifice everything for me, but to care intimately about me -- enough to pray for my faith not to fail. Imagine! "What is man that thou art mindful of him?"

Father's Day

2008-06-15T18:29:00.010-05:00

Our hard-working dad is spending some of the day doing what he deserves most -- resting! But, he did celebrate his day with us.

The creators of the "Scrabble Board Cake"

The cake in detail.

Daddy's piece of cake. When we cut out the piece that said "great", the other words were -- well, too funny!

The present -- also too funny! This is all he really wanted -- probably not to PC :o) ...

The Father's Day song...

Judson lost his first tooth this week!

2008-06-14T08:12:00.006-05:00

Here's a couple of videos we made so Josh could witness this momentous occasion! (I really need to work on my lighting...sorry about that!)

Fuzzy's Loose Tooth /Fuzzy's Pulled Tooth

Pics/Video from Mikiah's Ballet Parent Presentation

2008-06-13T14:57:00.018-05:00

Every other spring, instead of doing a big performance, Dramatic Truth does a parent presentation. Parents watch part of a normal class, and then the class performs a piece they have been working on. It is informal, but a lot of fun. In the video, the girls are divided into two groups at the start. The first group has been at this level for one year, the second group is testing this summer to go to the next level (pointe - ouch!). Mikiah is in the second group. At the beginning she is in the far back corner, but eventually moves to closer to the camera...

Punk's Away and My Middle Name's Pete

2008-06-10T22:37:00.004-05:00

Josh made it safely to Beijing. It was a trip of the mixed sort, as should be expected. God was very gracious to us during the send-off process. First of all, Sunday was an extremely difficult day. Something about being at church together and knowing that is the last time for a while... One of Josh's friends at church gave him a big gift bag full of letters from friends. Each letter was dated -- one for each day he is gone. That was an incredibly meaningful gift to him (and to all of us). Monday, we had a very special time of family prayer before we left for the airport. I prayed the least -- out loud anyway-- as my tear faucet was working overtime. Putting him on that plane was definitely the most difficult thing I have ever done. It's not so comforting to know it won't be the most difficult thing I ever do... :o) God is SO good, though. He graciously allowed us to just "happen" to speak to about four different people at KCI who were Christians and showed support for what Josh was doing, including the security guard when he checked in at the gate. That guard let us know that one person is allowed to accompany a minor into the gate until they board the plane. My sweet husband insisted I be that one person, so I had a few extra, special moments before Josh took off. He called when he got to Minneapolis. That flight went well. He even sat next to a nice Christian lady on that trip. Though he didn't have time for lunch, he didn't have to rush too much to catch his next flight to Tokyo. Unfortunately, before leaving Minneapolis, their plane was grounded well over an hour, which put a serious doubt as to whether he would be able to make his connecting flight in Tokyo to Beijing. We were on the phone with the airline several times that night. At one point they told us he would miss his connecting flight and they had booked him on the same flight the next day, basically meaning he would have to spend almost 24 hours at the biggest airport in the biggest city in the world.

This is where my middle name gets changed. At this point, I am feeling very panicked. We have no way to reach Josh. We have no way of knowing if the airline will really take care of him. We feel completely helpless and he seems completely vulnerable. For a long period of time, I found myself wavering -- again. When it comes to this whole thing of trusting my kids in the care of their Heavenly Father, I really thought I had it down. I mean, I was very willing to let Josh do this thing we all agreed God was calling him to do. I have declared from the start that God will take care of him. So, I ask myself why have I hit the panic button twice in less than a week? I am like Peter. Remember how bravely Peter said he would get out of the boat, into the storm and walk to Jesus on the water. Remember how he didn't hesitate to do so? Remember how he panicked when he looked around and realized what he did and how vulnerable he was? Remember what Jesus said? "Oh ye of little faith..." Yes, this whole process has served to show me when it comes to faith, I have a lot of growing room! I very willingly jumped out of the boat, only to panic several times already... Fortunately, Peter's story does not end with him sinking for lack of faith. Though Christ pointed out Peter's issue, He did not hesitate to save Peter. If you know the rest of Peter's story, that wasn' t the only time he wavered and showed a lack of faith, either. Each time, Christ restored him and Peter grew until one day, by grace, he was able to exercise that faith consistently. Thank God for His patience, mercy and grace!

Well, as it turns out, we were watching the status of both flights -- the one Josh was on from Minneapolis to Tokyo, and the connecting flight from Tokyo to Beijing. To us it looked as though they had delayed the departure time for his connecting flight, and he just might have time to make it. His flight arrived in Tokyo, and we anxiously awaited his call -- it didn't come. We knew that meant he probably had to run from one gate to the next to catch his flight and had no time to call, but how could we know for sure. We called the airline again. They were not very willing to share the information with us, but finally did tell us that his boarding pass had been scanned for the connecting flight. We had to assume, then, that he made it okay. At that point, we went to bed and "slept" (fitfully) for four hours before getting up and waiting for that call. It came at last. Long story just slight shorter -- he has called four times from Beijing. The first two were from the airport. One when he arrived and one after he made it through customs, was with his escort and going to the car. He sounded great both of those calls, and I felt much relief. The third call, though, was from his room and I think exhaustion had set in. He didn't sound so good. The driver did not speak much English and just dropped him at his room. Think of it, basically 24 hours of travel, it's midnight, you get dropped off at a strange room, don't know what to do and can't get the electricity to work. Well, he did get a little sleep, called me again around 5:30 am their time and said he had decided to go for a little walk around campus, but the lock on his door had malfunctioned and he couldn't get back in his room! He had figured out the electricity, though. :o) Right now, he is probably eating lunch, has hopefully met the person we talked to who is supervising him, and hopefully has been able to get a few things figured out. I anxiously await another call or email or something to see how things are going. In the meantime, I am praying for grace to look more like Jesus and to experience peace that matches my stated faith!

The Flame of our Marriage

2008-06-07T15:05:00.006-05:00

As our family faces what seems in our eyes a rather monumental time of separation, I've been contemplating how incredibly blessed I am to have a man that I can share my life with. We have been through a lot together in our almost 23 years. We've had our great times, and we've had our times when -- well, I'm thankful we made it through those times! Interestingly, I think the lighting of the unity candle at our wedding ceremony was very prophetic. We lit the candle and were kneeling on the "prayer bench" while the soloist sang "The Lord's Prayer". As he was singing, the flame on our candle grew smaller and smaller until it was imperceptible. The entire wedding party and everyone in the audience were holding their collective breath as we watched the floundering flame, fearing its "bad omen". Suddenly, just as the soloist hit the climax of the song -- "for thine, is the king-dom, and the pow-er, and glor-y..." -- just as he hit the high note that accompanies the word, "FOREEEEVER" -- the wick burst into full flame again. It was pretty awesome! Looking back now over the past nearly 23 years, we did have a period of time when it seemed the flame of our marriage was so low it would not be able to be rekindled. It was a horrible time that seemed to cause every aspect of my life to mimic my marriage -- going through the motions. There were a lot of voices during that season of our marriage -- voices that offered all sorts of advice, mostly unbiblical. There was really only one friend that knew about our difficulties during that time that encouraged me to stay the course and to keep my wedding vows. Through her encouragement and a lot of grace from my precious Heavenly Father, I was able to begin seeing some areas in the marriage in which I was falling short. I realized that I was not the godly wife I thought I was. I had been so preoccupied with spousal shortcomings, I failed to recognize my own. I will never forget the exact moment when God began to show me my pride. Had His voice been audible, it could not have been more clear. It was a very painful moment, but the beginning of a season of healing.

I cannot imagine where my family would be had I listened to the many voices that told me to give up. They were well-meaning voices. Many even able to use scripture to dispense that advice. My thankfulness to my Father is inexpressible. I praise Him and give Him glory for bringing beauty from ashes. There are those things in life that can only be explained by God. Those are the things of highest value! I have much more to say on the subject of marriage as our anniversary approaches later this month. Much, much more...

Wavering Moments with an Unwavering God

2008-06-06T09:19:00.006-05:00

I should have guessed that after experiencing the victory of resting in God's promises, I'd be in for a tumble. It happened. Yesterday I was a mess for the entire morning. I thought we had resolved all the issues with vaccines Josh needed for his trip. It had taken some research and talking to several different people until I finally found an "expert" to talk to about it. After going back and forth on whether he needed a couple of vaccines for where he is going in China, we were comfortable with our informed decision that he did not need those -- until Wednesday when another source said he might need them and the whole thing seemed to start over. I have to admit, I was in panic mode. After all, I certainly don't want my son to get typhoid or malaria! I suddenly forgot Who was in control of this whole deal. I have to give a BIG thank-you to my friends, Laura and GiGi. Laura always reels me in (or should I say "reals" me in?) with solid Bible truths combined perfectly with compassion -- a true Proverbs friend. Gigi is a friend from high school and college. We have over the last few years picked up our friendship via email and snail mail. She has an uncanny way of sending a card or an email perfectly timed for the day, even when she has no idea what the particular circumstances of that day may be. Yesterday, I received one of her awesome hand-made cards . As you can see, the outside has a picture of some luggage with the words "anyone who loves God travels securely". On the inside she wrote, "Don't fret...he's in good care! ..." Mind you, this arrived in the mail within an hour after I prayed for God's grace to return to my previous peaceful state of mind. Shortly after that, my sense that God was reassuring us that Josh was okay with the vaccinations was confirmed after my dear husband was finally able to reach someone from BTW who not only said our preparations were okay, but also gave a raving review of the people who will be taking care of our eldest for the next month. Well, I wavered -- big-time, but God? He NEVER wavers. Long before my faith was shaken, he had prompted Gigi to mail that card. Long before this "crisis", He had blessed me with my Proverbs friend. When Jesus said, "Take no thought...", He meant it. We can rest, truly rest in the knowledge that God is in control and has all our bases more than adequately covered. He's still the same God who kept that little toddler from pedaling into the busy street. He loves us, he really does! :o)

God's Faucet is Bigger!

2008-06-04T09:42:00.004-05:00

Weird title, I know. This has been an amazing week really. We're counting down to the longest separation -- both in distance and in time -- we have had from one of our children, now only five days away. I anticipated a teary week for several reasons I won't go into here, so asked for prayer from some friends specifically in that regard. What I have learned this week is that God's promises faucet is bigger than my tear faucet! It has been truly amazing. Every time I have felt teary or panicky, when that faucet was merely dripping, suddenly my mind has been flooded with verses reminding me of God's promises and memories of His faithfulness in past situations that have been difficult. I have had tastes of this in the past, but it has been occurring regularly this week. All I can say is that God is so amazing and so marvelous and so real. It brings to mind the verse, "Be careful (full of care) for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Thank you, God, for Your peace that truly can't be explained in human terms; and thank you for my faithful, praying friends.