Love Check List

It is good to frequently visit I Corinthians 13, "The Love Chapter", to evaluate how we're doing at loving. Here is a check list straight from the Bible. How am I doing?

• Love is longsuffering (patient)
• Love is kind
• Love does not envy
• Love does not vaunt itself (boast)
• Love is not puffed up (proud)
• Love does not behave itself unseemly (to act unbecomingly)
• Love does not seek her own (see Philippians 2:4)
• Love is not easily provoked
• Love thinks no evil
• Love does not rejoice in iniquity (unrighteousness, injustice)
• Love rejoices in the truth
• Love bears all things (to hide/conceal in relation to faults of others)
• Love believes all things
• Love hopes all things (hope as in waiting with confidence)
• Love endures all things (remain, persevere)
• Love never fails

Though an ideal relationship has this kind of love flowing both directions, there is nothing in this chapter that specifies love only loves if it's being loved. In fact, words like "does not seek her own", "bears all things", "endures all things" speak very loudly of a sacrificial, unconditional love.
That is the kind of love Jesus shows us. Here is an interesting thing to think about. The Bible says we love God because He first loved us (I John 4:19). He demonstrated that love toward us in Christ.

What if we demonstrated Christ's love in all of our relationships? What if, in time, Christ in us transformed formerly unloving people to people who love because we first loved them? What if that person who does not love God, learns about the love of God demonstrated in us and not only grows to love us, but grows to love the One who loves through us? In some relationships, this is impossible to do in our own power. It's truly a high calling. I have written previously that the means of enduring a lopsided love comes from focusing on Jesus and all that He endured for us (Hebrews 13). Recently, though, God has challenged me to take this a step further. I Corinthians 8:3 says, "if any man love God, the same is known of him." When I read that verse this week, the thought came to mind that if my love for God is to show in my love for others, then my love for God must be very deep. It needs to run deeper than any obstacle that would keep me from sharing that love. It needs to be based in something even deeper than what God did for me in the person of Jesus. It needs to be based in something even deeper than what God does for me each day. It needs to be based in the very person, the character of God Himself. The character of God is manifest in those things He does for us, but it is so much more. It is beyond comprehension. It is worthy of our attention. In I Corinthians 7, Paul stated how he wished everyone could be single like he was. He understood that is not very realistic! His reason stated in verse 35 is interesting, though, "that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction". That word "distraction" means excessive worry. Stay with me here....

A difficult relationship certainly can be the source of distraction. When we are distracted from building our relationship with God, it greatly affects our ability to love God. When our ability to love God is out of balance, our ability to love others is lost. The point? Focus! Focus on God. Focus on knowing him. Focus on loving him. If that focus is there, the love check list will be a reality in even your most difficult relationships.

The Assailant

He's sneaky, this assailant that relentlessly stalks me, looking for opportunities to initiate an attack. In the old days, I used to accept his periodic attacks as normal. I would sense his presence and wait in dread as I anticipated the hours, days and sometimes even weeks in which I would become battered under his relentless blows. Time and wisdom have given me the much-needed weapons for a counter-attack against this dark foe. Now, when I sense the heavy cloud of hopelessness, helplessness or sadness that surround his barrage of poison arrows to my soul, I am -- though at times weak or slow to respond -- prepared.

My weapon? I Corinthian 4:7-8, is among the many in my arsenal. "But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us. We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body. For we which live are alway delivered unto death for Jesus' sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh. So then death worketh in us, but life in you."

Another favorite is found in Ephesians 6, "Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God..."

And some artillery from Romans 8... "(vs 18)For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us... (vs 28) And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose... (vs 31) What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us? He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things? ... (vs 35-39) Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

POW! BAM! WHACK!!! There, that should put him back in his place... :o)

Forgiveness Revisited

Everyone has at least one person or group of people in their lives that have caused them deep pain. We all have to deal with this issue of forgiveness, and it is admittedly a tough issue. The problem with unforgiveness is that it holds us prisoner. We think our bitterness punishes the other person or protects us, when in reality we are greatly harmed. Sometimes we may truly desire to forgive and try to forgive, but the wounds are so deep that complete forgiveness seems impossible. Sometimes we may have to face that hurtful situation day in and day out, and just when we think we have reached forgiveness, something happens that reopens that old wound. These are real issues. I find myself struggling in this area at times. It bothers me that the well of bitterness and unforgiveness seems to go deep and have an endless supply! The deeper the heart issue, the deeper I must dip into God's Word...

The first mention of forgiveness in the Bible is in Genesis 50:17. As a brief background, Joseph was the youngest of 12 brothers. Joseph was favored by his father, and Joseph flaunted it a bit. His brothers were extremely jealous and eventually plotted to kill him. The oldest brother talked the others out of killing Joseph, and in the end they sold Joseph into slavery. Joseph ended up in Egypt in a series of unpleasant circumstances, but was faithful to God through it all. Finally, God elevated Joseph to the position of second in command under Pharaoh because God had given Joseph wisdom to interpret dreams and Pharaoh had had two very troubling dreams. Through the dreams, Joseph predicted seven good years of harvest and seven years of famine. Pharaoh put Joseph in charge of preparing for the famine. During the famine, people from all over came to Egypt to buy food, including Joseph's brothers. Long story a bit shorter, Joseph's entire family ends up moving to Egypt, and years later when their father dies, Joseph's brothers are a little nervous that he will now seek revenge on them for all the evil they did. When Joseph realizes their fear, this is his response: "And Joseph said unto them, Fear not: for am I in the place of God? But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive. Now therefore fear ye not: I will nourish you, and your little ones. And he comforted them, and spake kindly unto them."

What can I learn from this? Keys to forgiving:
1. Am I God that I can choose not to forgive?
2. God is in control of all my circumstances, even the ones that appear evil.
3. How I should respond out of forgiveness to those who hurt me.

I want to spend some time on the response. First, I should be willing to nourish them. The Hebrew word translated "nourish" means: to seize, contain, measure...to sustain, maintain, contain...to support, nourish... to endure...to be supplied. In other words, nourish is not necessarily an emotional response, but a calculated response – a choice to support and sustain.

My second response to should to comfort them, which means exactly what we think. Again, this is a choice, not necessarily an emotional response. Though, admittedly, emotions help in this regard!

Finally, I need to speak kindly unto them. This is where it gets interesting. Look at the definition of the Hebrew word translated "kindly": inner man, mind, will, heart, understanding, inner part, midst, heart (of man), soul, heart (of man), mind, knowledge, thinking, reflection, memory. inclination, resolution, determination (of will), conscience, heart (of moral character), as seat of appetites, as seat of emotions and passions, as seat of courage.

Yes, nourishing, comforting and even words are all calculated responses and clear choices. There is a reason, though, that "words" was translated that way. You see, words are tricky. Yes, my words are my choice and come from my will, but ultimately, my words come from my heart. In Matthew 12:34, Jesus says, "...out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh." Though forgiveness IS a choice, it cannot be feigned. It MUST be a heart understanding that I have no right to hold on to unforgiveness. Ephesians 4:32 puts it this way, "be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you." If I stop and truly consider my own need for forgiveness and the price Christ paid in order that I can be forgiven, it should melt away every hard place in my heart that wants to close against the possibility of forgiving and loving with the love of God.

If you read the joy blogs, you might remember in Psalms 51 that we have "inward parts" and "hidden parts" that we tend to purposely or inadvertently block off from God. I believe a vast majority of those "parts" have unforgiveness at their root. This is HUGE. If we can allow God to do His work in those areas and we choose to forgive from our hearts, we will experience healing and joy such as we have never known. This is what I seek. I pray you will as well.

Anguish

Agonizing

Necrotizing

God in question

Undeniable

Inviable

Self in question

Hasten to halt

Humbled

It seems I have spent a great deal of time this summer dealing with fear. This, of course was precipitated by Josh, my 15-year-old, spending the summer doing mission work in China. My biggest times of fear are when he is traveling. Yesterday he flew from Xining to Shanghai, and will fly home from there on Tuesday after a couple of days of touring. So, of course, those ugly fears have been trying to get the best of me -- again...

This morning as I was walking and praying, I said some words I have uttered at least hundreds of times over the years, "..thank you for sending Jesus..." I literally stopped in my tracks as I was struck anew by the magnitude of this truth. God sent his only begotten, beloved Son to minister, to manifest the love of God and ultimately to be despised, rejected, tortured and killed. This thought literally takes my breath away.

My son has been busy doing work with eternal value this summer. There are souls that will experience eternal life rather than eternal death because of the manner in which God allowed him to spend the last nine weeks. Yet, that eternal life would not even be possible had God not willingly given His son for the ultimate purpose of dying. I have rejoiced at the opportunity Josh has been given and shed tears of joy as I have heard some of his stories. I have also shed tears from missing him and tears as I have feared for his safety. I have been surprised by my own reluctance and resistance to letting go.

I have pondered these things -- God's willingness versus my struggle. I have wrestled with feelings of condemnation, guilt, etc. Why have I had such a difficult time trusting God in this? Why has it been so incredibly hard to let go when this mission has been so obviously orchestrated by God from the very beginning? Then it hit me. It's perspective -- again.

God has a perfect understanding of eternal life versus eternal death. I only have an understanding of the pain of temporal loss, accentuated by the loss of my mother this summer. God knows as only God can what it means when something has eternal value. My knowledge and understanding are limited by the constraints of time, space and my earthen vessel. Oh, I pray that as I seek to know God's mind, He will do me the great honor bestowing His abundant grace that I might allow His mind to be more a part of me than my own mind.

I John 3:1, "Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God..."

I John 4:9-10, "In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propititation for our sins.

I John 4:18, "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love."

I am humbled. I am awed.

Crunch time! (AKA Contentment)

Call it pinchin' pennies if you prefer... I think most people are really feeling the effects of our troubled economy. For those of us who were living on a fairly tight budget before, it can be an incredible challenge at times -- okay, all the time. I won't go into the details of our finances -- boring. There will always be those who are better off and always be those who are worse off than we are. I am just thankful we have our home, can pay our bills on time and have all our needs -- and then some...

With Josh gone for the entire summer, I don't think we have felt the crunch from rising food prices quite as drastically as others -- yet. In my very, very excited state of anticipating his homecoming (nine days -- but who's counting?), I am also trying to think through the practical things like menus, groceries, school lunches, etc. It seems with every purchase I make these days -- anything from clothes to gum -- I stop and ask myself, "Do we really need this?" There are those things I have decided we don't need that I have either completely stopped buying or drastically cut down on (chips, for instance). These are things that we might enjoy but that aren't beneficial and certainly not budget-friendly. These have become what they should have been all along -- an occasional treat. There are also things I feel we really do need that we just can't swing right now, which brings me right back to the evaluation stage.

Philippians 4:11-13 says, "Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

I Timothy 6:6-12, "But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and raiment let us be therewith content. But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition. For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness. Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, whereunto thou art also called, and hast professed a good profession before many witnesses."

Philippians 4:19, "But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus."

Wow! It's time to really start believing and living these verses. So, I evaluate:

1. Do I really trust that God will provide all my need?

2. Do I really believe He knows my needs versus my wants better than I do?

3. Am I satisfied just to have food and clothes?

4. Am I satisfied to have just enough food -- no excess?

5. Am I satisfied to have just water to drink?

6. Am I satisfied with any clothes?

7. Is my focus to follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness?

8. Am I fighting the good fight of faith or am I fighting "giving up" things to make ends meet?

9. Am I "laying hold" on eternal life, or am I trying to get my hands on more?

I have always measured my state of contentment based on being satisfied to have less than others are satisfied to have. (How silly is that?) Now for the true heart test... Am I content with God? Is He enough? Is His judgement of what I need at this season of life enough? Friend, how can I say no? How can I be discontent at the supply given by the One who was willing to give up everything, including His life, for me? There is much contemplating to be done on this matter.

One last thought on this.... Today, our pastor spoke on how the church in America has allowed much compromise. We have stepped out of the Light and become accustomed to walking in darkness. (I wrote about this in the blog http://foofycoffeelover.blogspot.com/2008/04/light-versus-darkness.html.) Do you think if we are forced to become somewhat minimalistic in our lifestyle, we might also be forced to take a look at what things are truly valuable versus the things we have or do that have no eternal value? What about things that truly are ungodly that we passively or actively allow (TV, music, etc)? Perhaps there will be much, much benefit in our lives if we are forced to place a value on everything in order to assess whether it is something we really can do without... Maybe, this is the exact place we want to be! "...for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content..." Is it true?

Blessed are They that Mourn

Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. (Matthew 5:4)

Since the loss of my mother I have been doing what any person does in a time of grief. I have been contemplating some of the issues involved in life and death. In the beginning, God created man to be the keeper of His creation. (Genesis 2:5, 15) After God created the first man, Adam, God observed that it is not good for man to be alone, so he made him a help meet, Eve. (Genesis 2:5) My father was blessed with his help meet for 59 years. I've been with my husband for a mere 23 years, and yet I cannot imagine my life without him and the incredible void that would be present. I grieve not only for my loss of a mother, but for the void my father surely feels at the loss of his wife of 59 years.

So, how can scripture say "blessed are they that mourn"? In what way is mourning a blessing? As the verse says, the blessing is in the comforting. When Jesus was about to be crucified and leave his temporary home on earth to take his rightful place in heaven, he knew his absence would leave a huge void in the lives of his followers. Addressing this issue, Jesus speaks to his disciples in John 16:4-7, "But these things have I told you, that when the time shall come, ye may remember that I told you of them. And these things I said not unto you at the beginning, because I was with you. But now I go my way to him that sent me; and none of you asketh me, Whither goest thou? But because I have said these things unto you, sorrow hath filled your heart. Nevertheless I tell you the truth; It is expedient for you that I go away: for if I go not away, the Comforter will not come unto you; but if I depart, I will send him unto you."

Christ's lesson I believe transfers to every loss in our lives. With every loss, there comes a void, with every void a need to be comforted, and with every need to be comforted, a more pronounced need for a Comforter who will never leave us. James 4:8 admonishes us to "draw nigh unto God, and he will draw nigh unto you." In our loss, if we seek to fill that void with God through the comfort His indwelling Spirit brings, we draw near to him, and he to us. In that sense, the old saying, "no pain, no gain" is very real. In our pain, we gain Christ.

The Thessalonians experienced great persecution. They truly knew the meaning of painful loss. In those two short books in the Bible, some form of the word "comfort" is used six times. The promises of Jesus and their hope of eternal life were great sources of comfort for them during this time. They comforted one another with these truths. Those, too, are great sources of comfort for us.

Paul sums it up nicely in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, "Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort, Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God."

By the way, though my father certainly does miss my mother, and he does grieve for that loss, no doubt feeling that void at times, he is doing wonderfully. His relationship with God is such that he has experienced that promised blessed comfort throughout my mom's illness and in her death. He continues to press toward the mark of the high calling, seeking God's direction for this new season of life. He is a living example of the comfort of God.

Are you grieving? Though my grief diminishes a bit with each passing day, it is certainly still very real. God desires to comfort you and me. God desires us to draw near to him so that he may draw near to us. He can and will fill the voids from any loss we experience.

Psalms 145:16, "Thou openest thine hand, and satisfiest the desire of every living thing."

Prayer For Today

In those times when my thoughts are cluttered with doubts, fears and insecurities, my prayer is simply...

Precious Father, may I never think too highly of myself or too little of You.

A Reason to be Thankful

Yesterday, I had a pretty intense period of time. I took Judson and Mikiah and a friend of Mikiah's to a local swimming pool. It was nice -- not crowded at all. While we were there, my sister called to let me know my dad was taking my mom to the hospital. When I was on the phone with her, she said she needed to get off because they had a tornado warning -- mind you, she was in her car driving to the hospital! My mom has been in and out of the hospital, but it is still unsettling to see the struggles she and dad go through. Needless to say, I was also a bit concerned about my sister driving in a tornado warning. Several minutes later -- perhaps even a half hour later, I took my eyes off the pool briefly -- probably just lost in thought as I wasn't doing anything or talking to anyone. When I looked up, I noticed a little kid under the water with their hands above water, moving around. There was a girl standing right next to him, so I thought it was her brother, and they were playing. But, when I looked around, I could not find Judson. In a split second I realized that little boy was not playing, and he was my little boy under water, flailing, panicking, and in the process of drowning. I will never, ever forget that look on his face. It is one of the most horrible things I have ever seen. He looked so terrified and where had I been? I got to him immediately, and he is okay. He couldn't have been flailing for more than a few seconds, but I'm sure to him it was an eternity. Of course, all these things happening in such quick sequence really shook me up. We went home. I felt like the worst mother on all the face of the earth, was concerned about "delayed drowning" phenomenon, and was also still concerned about my mom and sister. All I could think of is how desperately I felt like I needed to see my husband and get a little comfort. Unfortunately, he had not had a good day at work and was not in much of a state of mind to do any comforting. Besides, by the time I saw him, my sister had arrived safely at the hospital, my mom had been ruled out for some of the more serious issues, and Judson was just fine. There is no way he could have understood the emotional wrangling that had gone on during the previous couple of hours. In reality, his day was probably just as "wrangling" (if not more), and I have no doubt he could have used some comforting from me as well...

Not coincidentally, I was asked to teach the story in our Tweener's class this Sunday as the regular story-teller was called in to work. The story he was planning to teach? Peter walking on the water, of course. If you've been reading my blogs, you know I have been spending a bit of time on this story lately. One of the points the other teacher wanted to bring out, was who we call on when we're in trouble. As I was preparing that story this morning, it dawned on me that rather than running to Jesus first for the comfort I needed last night, I was anticipating running to my husband. While spouses can and should offer support for one another, there are those times when our humanness gets in the way of the ideal. What a great reminder that I need to always remember to seek fulfillment of ALL my needs in Christ first. The other people God gives me in life are a bonus. Those people may normally do a lot of great things for me (ie., my husband), but they cannot be perfect any more than I can be perfect!

This morning my emotions have settled down (though admittedly I still tear up when I picture Judson's panicked face...). I am SO thankful that my Judson is okay and even wants to swim again (with a life jacket!). I am SO thankful my sister did not encounter a tornado while driving. I am SO thankful my mother is receiving the care she needs. And, I am SO thankful that God uses those brief seasons of intense "squeezing" to remind me of important truths such as total dependence on Him. I want to close with the lyrics from this song...

Call On Jesus by Nicole C. Mullen from Talk About It
I'm so very ordinary
Nothing special on my own
I have never walked on water
I have never calmed a storm
Sometimes I'm hiding away
from the madness around me
Like a child who's afraid of the dark

But when I call on Jesus
All things are possible
I can mount on wings like eagles and soar
When I call on Jesus
Mountains are gonna fall
'Cause He'll move heaven and earth to
come rescue me when I call

Weary brother
Broken daughter
Widowed, widowed lover
You're not alone
If you're tired and scared
of the madness around you
If you can't find the strength to carry on

repeat chorus

Call Him in the mornin'
In the afternoon time
Late in the evenin'
He'll be there
When your heart is broken
And you feel discouraged
You can just remember
that He said He'll be there

Mental Wars

Perfect love casteth out fear. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. This verse (1John 4:18) has been bothering all week. Why? I have found myself in a battle with fear. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, I feel like Peter when he so boldly stepped onto the stormy sea to walk to Jesus, but immediately began to doubt the rationale of his decision. His doubt caused him to sink. I boldly told God if He wanted my son in China for the summer, and He made that possible, that's what I wanted, too. Now that Josh is there -- now that I'm in the water walking by faith and not by sight -- the doubts assail me. Then Jesus' question to Peter echos in my mind, "...O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?" Wherefore do I doubt?

Usually faith is really not a big issue for me. Oh, I've had some major battles with this, but God has proven the truth of His Word in my life so many times, that not many things really shake my faith these days. I may have quivers from time to time or moments of outright shaking, but this long-term, fear battle has not really been this big of a nuisance for a while. Not at this level. Wherefore do I doubt?

There have been seeds of fear planted by relatively minor things -- words of caution from a friend, a strange message on the China blog, the flight problems, etc. Intellectually, I manage these by repeating truth, and I know that ultimately that truth will win. I can cast down imaginations and every high thought that exalts itself against the knowledge of God -- and I do. Yet, the battle is strong in that these attacks of fear seize me most unexpectedly in rapid-fire fearful thought fashion ... "What if..." "I hope he..." , etc. I've had these times of mental battle before in which I am just going normally through my day when suddenly I am hit with these thoughts seemingly out of nowhere and seemingly prompted by nothing. Hmmm, I wonder where those could be coming from?

I think most people have experienced something similar. Those thoughts might be in the form of "you can't...", "you're ugly...", "you're not smart enough...", "how could you ever be forgiven for that wrongdoing...", "this marriage is never going to work...", "I'm a terrible (wife, mother, employee, etc)...", "this situation is never going to change so why try..." Any of those sound familiar? Maybe I'm the only one that deals with these.

So I have been pondering perfect love and its relationship to fear. As I've looked at that passage in I John, it seems to be in the context of fearing judgement and the perfect love of God toward us that gives us the opportunity to rid ourselves of that fear once and for all. Whew! But, what about Peter? Jesus chastised him pretty soundly for doubting. What about that? Am I in hot water here? What about all the times Jesus said, "Oh ye of little faith", or something similar? It seems a pretty serious issue, so I'm looking further into it.

The cool thing about the whole Peter walking on the water blunder is what happened just before Jesus chastised him, "...And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me. And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him..." Before Jesus got onto Peter about doubting, he saved him from the disaster Peter's floundering faith could have caused.

In another passage, Jesus is addressing Peter and says, " behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat..." The word "sift" means, "figuratively, by inward agitation to try one’s faith to the verge of overthrow". I believe there are those seasons in our lives when the enemy does target our faith specifically to try to overthrow it. I mean, look at Job. Big target! The beautiful thing about that verse is Jesus' response to Satan's challenge. He didn't save Peter from the sifting, but he said "But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not"! Can you imagine? Jesus prayed for Peter's faith. Jesus prays for us, too. (John 17) It brings tears to my eyes to think that my Creator, my Redeemer, the One who has done everything for me, and given me everything I need, also chooses in His great mercy and patience to pray for my faltering faith. Even more exciting is the rest of what Jesus says, "and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren." Jesus states his prayer will be answered affirmatively.

From the time we are saved, most of us want to hurry up and grow up spiritually. (Isn't that what we do physically as well?) I think we often expect we should be mature immediately rather than growing through life's experiences. Oh, it bothers me greatly that I have been battling so strongly with fear this week. It's probably just a pride issue on my part -- I mean the fact that it bothers me. Fear and faith do not necessarily work exclusively of one another. Without fear, it would be impossible to exercise faith or to grow in faith. The fact that I have struggled immensely with fear this week (and perhaps in the eight remaining weeks), does not mean I must look at my faith as failing. Rather, I can thank God that Jesus is there to rescue me when doubts cause me to begin sinking. I can praise Jesus that He would care to pray for my faith. I can be amazed at the fact that the challenge to my faith, if handled biblically, will ultimately result in the conversion of that fear to a stronger faith.

I am certainly not proud of my wavering and doubts. But I also will not allow condemnation a place. Rather, I will look at this season as yet another potential faith growth spurt! I am so thankful for a Father who loves me not only enough to sacrifice everything for me, but to care intimately about me -- enough to pray for my faith not to fail. Imagine! "What is man that thou art mindful of him?"

Punk's Away and My Middle Name's Pete

Josh made it safely to Beijing. It was a trip of the mixed sort, as should be expected. God was very gracious to us during the send-off process. First of all, Sunday was an extremely difficult day. Something about being at church together and knowing that is the last time for a while... One of Josh's friends at church gave him a big gift bag full of letters from friends. Each letter was dated -- one for each day he is gone. That was an incredibly meaningful gift to him (and to all of us). Monday, we had a very special time of family prayer before we left for the airport. I prayed the least -- out loud anyway-- as my tear faucet was working overtime. Putting him on that plane was definitely the most difficult thing I have ever done. It's not so comforting to know it won't be the most difficult thing I ever do... :o) God is SO good, though. He graciously allowed us to just "happen" to speak to about four different people at KCI who were Christians and showed support for what Josh was doing, including the security guard when he checked in at the gate. That guard let us know that one person is allowed to accompany a minor into the gate until they board the plane. My sweet husband insisted I be that one person, so I had a few extra, special moments before Josh took off. He called when he got to Minneapolis. That flight went well. He even sat next to a nice Christian lady on that trip. Though he didn't have time for lunch, he didn't have to rush too much to catch his next flight to Tokyo. Unfortunately, before leaving Minneapolis, their plane was grounded well over an hour, which put a serious doubt as to whether he would be able to make his connecting flight in Tokyo to Beijing. We were on the phone with the airline several times that night. At one point they told us he would miss his connecting flight and they had booked him on the same flight the next day, basically meaning he would have to spend almost 24 hours at the biggest airport in the biggest city in the world.

This is where my middle name gets changed. At this point, I am feeling very panicked. We have no way to reach Josh. We have no way of knowing if the airline will really take care of him. We feel completely helpless and he seems completely vulnerable. For a long period of time, I found myself wavering -- again. When it comes to this whole thing of trusting my kids in the care of their Heavenly Father, I really thought I had it down. I mean, I was very willing to let Josh do this thing we all agreed God was calling him to do. I have declared from the start that God will take care of him. So, I ask myself why have I hit the panic button twice in less than a week? I am like Peter. Remember how bravely Peter said he would get out of the boat, into the storm and walk to Jesus on the water. Remember how he didn't hesitate to do so? Remember how he panicked when he looked around and realized what he did and how vulnerable he was? Remember what Jesus said? "Oh ye of little faith..." Yes, this whole process has served to show me when it comes to faith, I have a lot of growing room! I very willingly jumped out of the boat, only to panic several times already... Fortunately, Peter's story does not end with him sinking for lack of faith. Though Christ pointed out Peter's issue, He did not hesitate to save Peter. If you know the rest of Peter's story, that wasn' t the only time he wavered and showed a lack of faith, either. Each time, Christ restored him and Peter grew until one day, by grace, he was able to exercise that faith consistently. Thank God for His patience, mercy and grace!

Well, as it turns out, we were watching the status of both flights -- the one Josh was on from Minneapolis to Tokyo, and the connecting flight from Tokyo to Beijing. To us it looked as though they had delayed the departure time for his connecting flight, and he just might have time to make it. His flight arrived in Tokyo, and we anxiously awaited his call -- it didn't come. We knew that meant he probably had to run from one gate to the next to catch his flight and had no time to call, but how could we know for sure. We called the airline again. They were not very willing to share the information with us, but finally did tell us that his boarding pass had been scanned for the connecting flight. We had to assume, then, that he made it okay. At that point, we went to bed and "slept" (fitfully) for four hours before getting up and waiting for that call. It came at last. Long story just slight shorter -- he has called four times from Beijing. The first two were from the airport. One when he arrived and one after he made it through customs, was with his escort and going to the car. He sounded great both of those calls, and I felt much relief. The third call, though, was from his room and I think exhaustion had set in. He didn't sound so good. The driver did not speak much English and just dropped him at his room. Think of it, basically 24 hours of travel, it's midnight, you get dropped off at a strange room, don't know what to do and can't get the electricity to work. Well, he did get a little sleep, called me again around 5:30 am their time and said he had decided to go for a little walk around campus, but the lock on his door had malfunctioned and he couldn't get back in his room! He had figured out the electricity, though. :o) Right now, he is probably eating lunch, has hopefully met the person we talked to who is supervising him, and hopefully has been able to get a few things figured out. I anxiously await another call or email or something to see how things are going. In the meantime, I am praying for grace to look more like Jesus and to experience peace that matches my stated faith!

Wavering Moments with an Unwavering God

I should have guessed that after experiencing the victory of resting in God's promises, I'd be in for a tumble. It happened. Yesterday I was a mess for the entire morning. I thought we had resolved all the issues with vaccines Josh needed for his trip. It had taken some research and talking to several different people until I finally found an "expert" to talk to about it. After going back and forth on whether he needed a couple of vaccines for where he is going in China, we were comfortable with our informed decision that he did not need those -- until Wednesday when another source said he might need them and the whole thing seemed to start over. I have to admit, I was in panic mode. After all, I certainly don't want my son to get typhoid or malaria! I suddenly forgot Who was in control of this whole deal. I have to give a BIG thank-you to my friends, Laura and GiGi. Laura always reels me in (or should I say "reals" me in?) with solid Bible truths combined perfectly with compassion -- a true Proverbs friend. Gigi is a friend from high school and college. We have over the last few years picked up our friendship via email and snail mail. She has an uncanny way of sending a card or an email perfectly timed for the day, even when she has no idea what the particular circumstances of that day may be. Yesterday, I received one of her awesome hand-made cards . As you can see, the outside has a picture of some luggage with the words "anyone who loves God travels securely". On the inside she wrote, "Don't fret...he's in good care! ..." Mind you, this arrived in the mail within an hour after I prayed for God's grace to return to my previous peaceful state of mind. Shortly after that, my sense that God was reassuring us that Josh was okay with the vaccinations was confirmed after my dear husband was finally able to reach someone from BTW who not only said our preparations were okay, but also gave a raving review of the people who will be taking care of our eldest for the next month. Well, I wavered -- big-time, but God? He NEVER wavers. Long before my faith was shaken, he had prompted Gigi to mail that card. Long before this "crisis", He had blessed me with my Proverbs friend. When Jesus said, "Take no thought...", He meant it. We can rest, truly rest in the knowledge that God is in control and has all our bases more than adequately covered. He's still the same God who kept that little toddler from pedaling into the busy street. He loves us, he really does! :o)

God's Faucet is Bigger!

Weird title, I know. This has been an amazing week really. We're counting down to the longest separation -- both in distance and in time -- we have had from one of our children, now only five days away. I anticipated a teary week for several reasons I won't go into here, so asked for prayer from some friends specifically in that regard. What I have learned this week is that God's promises faucet is bigger than my tear faucet! It has been truly amazing. Every time I have felt teary or panicky, when that faucet was merely dripping, suddenly my mind has been flooded with verses reminding me of God's promises and memories of His faithfulness in past situations that have been difficult. I have had tastes of this in the past, but it has been occurring regularly this week. All I can say is that God is so amazing and so marvelous and so real. It brings to mind the verse, "Be careful (full of care) for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Thank you, God, for Your peace that truly can't be explained in human terms; and thank you for my faithful, praying friends.

Heavy Heart

Today, my heart is heavy for many situations...

Myanmar: The tragedy of many killed, injured, left without food, shelter or medical care with a government unable to provide the necessary care and unwilling to accept help... My sister-in-law spent about three months teaching English in an orphanage in Myanmar in 2006. Praise God the orphanage and its occupants were unharmed! She and my brother are terribly burdened for this area and the government's lack of response to the needs of their people.

Joplin and other tornado-hit areas of the weekend: Many tornado victims. One I know of first-hand was reported to me by a friend of mine who attends Forrest Avenue Baptist Church in Joplin. Their interim music minister, his wife, his 12-year-old son, and his mother-in-law were killed when the storm picked up their SUV and flipped it. They have a surviving daughter, a sophomore in college, who was not with the family at the time. Please pray for Kali, who lost her entire immediate family in a single blow.

China: Today's earthquake's death toll is already in the 8,000's. Per my last blog, Josh is heading to China in less than a month. He already knows several people there, and we pray for their safety and for the Chinese Christians and missionaries to minister God's love and grace, praying such tragedy will open hearts that have previously been closed to the Gospel.

In all these tragedies, my heart is heavy for the thousands who have slipped into eternity without so much as hearing the Good News of Jesus Christ. I have to admit my first response to hearing of the China earthquake was fear and a harder grip on my son. But, as I have processed it, though there is still an element of fear and the whole aspect of missing him, I fervently pray that God will use him to show many Chinese the way to Christ while he is there. My friend, we are not guaranteed even one more breath in this life. We do not know what the next moment will bring. Those thoughts that fill our days are largely centered on things that will not matter outside of time. What of the eternal state of those who meet such unexpected death? What of those who have pursued earthly endeavors with fervor, who have perhaps sought out knowledge of things big or small, only to wake up in eternity to find they missed the most important Truth? What about we who have have this Treasure in earthen vessels and somehow don't let the glorious Gospel shine upon this world? Dear God, by your grace alone please burden us and empower us to shine your Light brightly to this lost and dying world! We are completely incapable and powerless to do so without You. You have demonstrated Your power in nature in amazing ways of late! I pray for a demonstration of Your power to save such as we have never experienced before. Use me, God. Use all of your children. Make us willing givers of your glorious Gospel!

Seventy Times Seven

I often suffer restlessness due to this thing called forgiveness. Sometimes the restlessness is caused by another individual's lack of forgiveness, but most often it is my own struggle with forgiving. Normally, I grapple with this thing to resolution for a relatively short period of time. At other times, the struggle is deep and seemingly never-ending. Those struggles are almost exclusively due to repetitive similar offenses by the same individual. Those, my friend, cause me great sorrow! The sorrow is initially self-focused, but inevitably turns to godly sorrow as my lack of forgiveness blocks my relationship with my Heavenly Father and ultimately causes a ripple effect in all my relationships. The unforgiveness I just can't seem to let go of takes root in the form of bitterness of soul. From that root comes an abundance of "weeds" which cannot be contained. Jesus knows how vital it is to forgive. When asked how often we should forgive, he replied, "...I say not unto thee, Until seven times, but until seventy times seven," implying there should be no limit to our forgiveness. There are times I cry to God with my whole heart, "God, I just can't forgive this person again. The hurt is too deep. It has happened too many times. How can I possibly forgive again?" God answers me simply, "consider him (Jesus) that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds. Ye have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin." How often has God forgiven me the same offense? Seventy times seven. So, as I consider Jesus and the everlasting mercy of my Heavenly Father, what right have I to hang on to unforgiveness? Oh, my friend, I know how hard it is! "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible!" Perhaps we have expected that the multiple times we have forgiven this individual in the past should have brought some sort of change. Surely, my efforts toward this person cannot be in vain! God admonishes us not to be weary in well doing, for in due season we will reap if we faint not. God does not specify, however, the fruit that we will reap. He does not say, you will reap the kind of relationship you desire. He does not say, you will reap salvation for that individual you keep forgiving. He simply promises we will reap if we faint not. Perhaps that harvest is an outpouring of the fruit of the Spirit in our lives. Perhaps it is a greater understanding of and appreciation for the depth of the forgiveness bestowed upon us by our Heavenly Father. My friend, we cannot limit God by our expectations. We must let Him work in our lives in His Way. Yes, I have been hurt many times by this person. Yes, that pain is deep! And yes, I will pray for an abundance of God's grace to carry out Paul's admonition in Col 3:12-13, "Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering: Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave (me), so also do I". Oh, God, that I would look more like You in this area of my life. Forgive my unforgiveness and please bestow upon me an abundance of your grace, without which I am unable to obey this important command. Thank you, that as I ask for forgiveness, you readily give it -- even though I have asked multiple times! Now, my friend, let's endeavor to go and do likewise...

Loneliness

Lonely - alone - loneliness... wordnet.princeton defines loneliness as the state of being alone or in solitary isolation. Yes, that fits, but it's so much more...

The times I have felt most lonely are when I am surrounded by people with whom I feel no intimate connection, yet they all seem very connected to one another. Sometimes that loneliness comes even when surrounded by the most intimate people in my life. It is at those times it is most overwhelming. From time to time, that innermost person in me cries out to be known, yet I find myself lacking the ability to express that person or perhaps to even find that person. Then there is that part of me that is plagued with a deep belief that no one is really interested in that person, even if I could find her. There is nothing special about her -- no particularly unusual talents; no interesting adventures or stories to relate; no flare for speaking with interest about current events or other newsworthy discussion. My life is very full, but not at all exciting to most people. I have a big vision and big goals that I know are of utmost importance; and even though many would agree those goals are important, few would understand the apparent mundaneness of a life focused on those goals. I think if we were all honest, most of us would admit there are times when we are lonely -- even to the point of heartache. It is in those times I find comfort, once again, in my relationship with God. I know from His Word that he has felt everything I feel. He was an outcast -- rejected by those closest to Him in His most difficult hour. He was definitely misunderstood and most definitely could not express all that was within Him even to those closest to Him. (Their minds could not have comprehended that!) It is through my relationship with Him I find true companionship. Psalms 145:14-21 says, "The LORD upholdeth all that fall, and raiseth up all those that be bowed down. The eyes of all wait upon thee; and thou givest them their meat in due season. Thou openest thine hand, and satisfiest the desire of every living thing. The LORD is righteous in all his ways, and holy in all his works. The LORD is nigh unto all them that call upon him, to all that call upon him in truth. He will fulfil the desire of them that fear him: he also will hear their cry, and will save them." He satisfies the desire of every living thing -- including those deep desires other relationships just can't touch. Perhaps that "loneliness" deep within us, then is by Divine Design...