Marriage Milestones

Today is our anniversary -- 23 years! We had a wonderful time last night. We went to our favorite Mexican place and had a nice dinner. Then we went to the Lyric Opera House to watch Dramatic Truth's premier of Dethroning the Prince. It was an amazing show depicting the spiritual battle behind the scenes of the things we get messed up with in life and how Truth frees us from those things! I highly recommend it if they ever do another local performance. We had a very nice evening together.

I wrote in an earlier blog about the flame of our marriage being nearly imperceptible at one point a couple of years ago. It was a rocky time. The year after we had come through that time, I was reading through a daily devotional book, Experiencing God Day by Day by Henry and Richard Blackaby, and I was absolutely floored by the writing for June 22nd, our anniversary. It goes like this:

And the children of Israel did so, just as Joshua commanded, and took up twelve stones from the midst of the Jordan, as the Lord had spoken to Joshua. (Joshua 4:8). Spiritual memory is crucial in the Christian life. It would be tragic if, in your haste to advance in your Christian faith, you neglected to leave spiritual markers at the key crossroads of your life. Without the help of these markers, you will lose your spiritual bearings.

The Israelites experienced a tumultuous pilgrimage. Their doubt that God was powerful enough to give them victory cost them forty years of wandering in the wilderness. Then God miraculously parted the waters of the Jordan River so they could pass over and continue their conquest. God knew that at times the Israelites would face intimidating enemies and would need a reminder that He was powerful enough to protect them. The Israelites might be tempted to think they made a mistake entering Canaan. For this reason God instructed them to build a monument on the banks of the Jordan River. Whenever they returned to this spot, they would see the monument and be reminded of God's awesome power. This marker would give them confidence to meet the new challenges they faced.

A spiritual marker identifies a time of decision when you clearly know that God guided you. Were there specific times when He called you to His ways of living? Can you point to times when He guided you in a decision or spoke powerfully to you about a commitment you could make? Keep track of these important moments! This will help you understand God's activity in your life and give you a sense of direction as you face future decisions."

The first time I read this, it brought tears to my eyes. Every year if I read this particular book on our anniversary, it will serve as a reminder to me of the specific decision and direction God gave me in my marriage -- I must get rid of my pride, and I must learn to love my husband with godly love rather than selfish love. God specifically directed me to stick with my commitment and do a better job of it. I once had a friend say she doesn't know if God cares that much about all the little details of our lives. I beg to differ! Not only does His Word say He is involved in the details of our lives (like knowing the number of hairs on our head and keeping our tears in a bottle), but my personal experience shows me He is involved intimately in my life. I do not think it is any accident that we were given this particular devotion book for Christmas the year God led me in a very important decision about my marriage. I do not think it is any accident that God led the authors of that book to write this devotion to be read on June 22nd. I think God was setting up a spiritual marker for me to be reminded of how blessed I am that He chose to intervene and that my marriage is alive and become richer all the time. I'm sure this devotion has been used in many lives in many different ways, but for me, it is highly personal and relevant to my marriage. I praise God for all He has done, and pray He will continue to move my husband and I individually to look more like Him each day, and in our marriage to glorify and serve Him better together than we could apart. Thank you, Jesus!

A Reason to be Thankful

Yesterday, I had a pretty intense period of time. I took Judson and Mikiah and a friend of Mikiah's to a local swimming pool. It was nice -- not crowded at all. While we were there, my sister called to let me know my dad was taking my mom to the hospital. When I was on the phone with her, she said she needed to get off because they had a tornado warning -- mind you, she was in her car driving to the hospital! My mom has been in and out of the hospital, but it is still unsettling to see the struggles she and dad go through. Needless to say, I was also a bit concerned about my sister driving in a tornado warning. Several minutes later -- perhaps even a half hour later, I took my eyes off the pool briefly -- probably just lost in thought as I wasn't doing anything or talking to anyone. When I looked up, I noticed a little kid under the water with their hands above water, moving around. There was a girl standing right next to him, so I thought it was her brother, and they were playing. But, when I looked around, I could not find Judson. In a split second I realized that little boy was not playing, and he was my little boy under water, flailing, panicking, and in the process of drowning. I will never, ever forget that look on his face. It is one of the most horrible things I have ever seen. He looked so terrified and where had I been? I got to him immediately, and he is okay. He couldn't have been flailing for more than a few seconds, but I'm sure to him it was an eternity. Of course, all these things happening in such quick sequence really shook me up. We went home. I felt like the worst mother on all the face of the earth, was concerned about "delayed drowning" phenomenon, and was also still concerned about my mom and sister. All I could think of is how desperately I felt like I needed to see my husband and get a little comfort. Unfortunately, he had not had a good day at work and was not in much of a state of mind to do any comforting. Besides, by the time I saw him, my sister had arrived safely at the hospital, my mom had been ruled out for some of the more serious issues, and Judson was just fine. There is no way he could have understood the emotional wrangling that had gone on during the previous couple of hours. In reality, his day was probably just as "wrangling" (if not more), and I have no doubt he could have used some comforting from me as well...

Not coincidentally, I was asked to teach the story in our Tweener's class this Sunday as the regular story-teller was called in to work. The story he was planning to teach? Peter walking on the water, of course. If you've been reading my blogs, you know I have been spending a bit of time on this story lately. One of the points the other teacher wanted to bring out, was who we call on when we're in trouble. As I was preparing that story this morning, it dawned on me that rather than running to Jesus first for the comfort I needed last night, I was anticipating running to my husband. While spouses can and should offer support for one another, there are those times when our humanness gets in the way of the ideal. What a great reminder that I need to always remember to seek fulfillment of ALL my needs in Christ first. The other people God gives me in life are a bonus. Those people may normally do a lot of great things for me (ie., my husband), but they cannot be perfect any more than I can be perfect!

This morning my emotions have settled down (though admittedly I still tear up when I picture Judson's panicked face...). I am SO thankful that my Judson is okay and even wants to swim again (with a life jacket!). I am SO thankful my sister did not encounter a tornado while driving. I am SO thankful my mother is receiving the care she needs. And, I am SO thankful that God uses those brief seasons of intense "squeezing" to remind me of important truths such as total dependence on Him. I want to close with the lyrics from this song...

Call On Jesus by Nicole C. Mullen from Talk About It
I'm so very ordinary
Nothing special on my own
I have never walked on water
I have never calmed a storm
Sometimes I'm hiding away
from the madness around me
Like a child who's afraid of the dark

But when I call on Jesus
All things are possible
I can mount on wings like eagles and soar
When I call on Jesus
Mountains are gonna fall
'Cause He'll move heaven and earth to
come rescue me when I call

Weary brother
Broken daughter
Widowed, widowed lover
You're not alone
If you're tired and scared
of the madness around you
If you can't find the strength to carry on

repeat chorus

Call Him in the mornin'
In the afternoon time
Late in the evenin'
He'll be there
When your heart is broken
And you feel discouraged
You can just remember
that He said He'll be there

The Flame of our Marriage

As our family faces what seems in our eyes a rather monumental time of separation, I've been contemplating how incredibly blessed I am to have a man that I can share my life with. We have been through a lot together in our almost 23 years. We've had our great times, and we've had our times when -- well, I'm thankful we made it through those times! Interestingly, I think the lighting of the unity candle at our wedding ceremony was very prophetic. We lit the candle and were kneeling on the "prayer bench" while the soloist sang "The Lord's Prayer". As he was singing, the flame on our candle grew smaller and smaller until it was imperceptible. The entire wedding party and everyone in the audience were holding their collective breath as we watched the floundering flame, fearing its "bad omen". Suddenly, just as the soloist hit the climax of the song -- "for thine, is the king-dom, and the pow-er, and glor-y..." -- just as he hit the high note that accompanies the word, "FOREEEEVER" -- the wick burst into full flame again. It was pretty awesome! Looking back now over the past nearly 23 years, we did have a period of time when it seemed the flame of our marriage was so low it would not be able to be rekindled. It was a horrible time that seemed to cause every aspect of my life to mimic my marriage -- going through the motions. There were a lot of voices during that season of our marriage -- voices that offered all sorts of advice, mostly unbiblical. There was really only one friend that knew about our difficulties during that time that encouraged me to stay the course and to keep my wedding vows. Through her encouragement and a lot of grace from my precious Heavenly Father, I was able to begin seeing some areas in the marriage in which I was falling short. I realized that I was not the godly wife I thought I was. I had been so preoccupied with spousal shortcomings, I failed to recognize my own. I will never forget the exact moment when God began to show me my pride. Had His voice been audible, it could not have been more clear. It was a very painful moment, but the beginning of a season of healing.

I cannot imagine where my family would be had I listened to the many voices that told me to give up. They were well-meaning voices. Many even able to use scripture to dispense that advice. My thankfulness to my Father is inexpressible. I praise Him and give Him glory for bringing beauty from ashes. There are those things in life that can only be explained by God. Those are the things of highest value! I have much more to say on the subject of marriage as our anniversary approaches later this month. Much, much more...