Motherhood and the Traveling Pants

I' m not referring to the traveling pants that may initially come to mind -- summer adventures and growing-up lessons shared between good friends. I'm speaking of the kind of pants that are ever traveling just out of reach of their potential owner -- me! We have been in a rather lengthy breaking-down season. Normally when things break down, it happens in sets of three. Everyone knows that. We have been through multiple sets of three over the last several weeks. What does that have to do with pants? I've been planning now for several months to get a new pair of jeans. My favorite jeans finally earned the right to be retired to the Museum of Jeans With Holes In Unacceptable Places. My jean-buying plans, however, keep getting delayed "one more pay period". (Jean buying is another blog all of it's own!) Things that break must be fixed. And, I endeavor not to put my own "needs" above those of my family. It's simply a season of life that sometimes necessitates traveling pants. (By the way, it's a season I'm enjoying immensely.)

It reminds me of the passage in James 4 that refers to our plans when we say such things as, "To day or to morrow we will go into such a city, and continue there a year, and buy and sell, and get gain...ye know not what shall be on the morrow...ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that." Admittedly, James probably didn't have jeans on his mind when he wrote this, but the lesson is applicable.

Actually, it is the time of year when I plan until my brain feels like someone took it out, played with it, and put it back in upside down -- school curriculum, fall schedules, etc. Last week I just happened to pick up a little devotional book we have that was written by Henry Blackaby, and the devotion for that day was incredibly timely. (It was almost as if God knew I needed a little reminder...) The thought was based on one small phrase from the model prayer Jesus gave his disciples in Matthew 6, "Thy will be done, in earth as it is in heaven". In heaven, God's will is done as soon as it is known. On earth, not so much. I sometimes get so involved in planning, I can't even discern God's will, much less perform it. I need to to slow down, pray, and listen. God has a plan. I would do well to seek that plan and make sure "my plans" fall in line!

Happy fall (almost), my dear readers!

Humbled

It seems I have spent a great deal of time this summer dealing with fear. This, of course was precipitated by Josh, my 15-year-old, spending the summer doing mission work in China. My biggest times of fear are when he is traveling. Yesterday he flew from Xining to Shanghai, and will fly home from there on Tuesday after a couple of days of touring. So, of course, those ugly fears have been trying to get the best of me -- again...

This morning as I was walking and praying, I said some words I have uttered at least hundreds of times over the years, "..thank you for sending Jesus..." I literally stopped in my tracks as I was struck anew by the magnitude of this truth. God sent his only begotten, beloved Son to minister, to manifest the love of God and ultimately to be despised, rejected, tortured and killed. This thought literally takes my breath away.

My son has been busy doing work with eternal value this summer. There are souls that will experience eternal life rather than eternal death because of the manner in which God allowed him to spend the last nine weeks. Yet, that eternal life would not even be possible had God not willingly given His son for the ultimate purpose of dying. I have rejoiced at the opportunity Josh has been given and shed tears of joy as I have heard some of his stories. I have also shed tears from missing him and tears as I have feared for his safety. I have been surprised by my own reluctance and resistance to letting go.

I have pondered these things -- God's willingness versus my struggle. I have wrestled with feelings of condemnation, guilt, etc. Why have I had such a difficult time trusting God in this? Why has it been so incredibly hard to let go when this mission has been so obviously orchestrated by God from the very beginning? Then it hit me. It's perspective -- again.

God has a perfect understanding of eternal life versus eternal death. I only have an understanding of the pain of temporal loss, accentuated by the loss of my mother this summer. God knows as only God can what it means when something has eternal value. My knowledge and understanding are limited by the constraints of time, space and my earthen vessel. Oh, I pray that as I seek to know God's mind, He will do me the great honor bestowing His abundant grace that I might allow His mind to be more a part of me than my own mind.

I John 3:1, "Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God..."

I John 4:9-10, "In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propititation for our sins.

I John 4:18, "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love."

I am humbled. I am awed.

God Incomprehensible

"Lord, how great is our dilemma! In Thy Presence silence best becomes us, but love inflames our hearts and constrains us to speak. Were we to hold our peace the stones would cry out; yet if we speak, what shall we say? Teach us to know that we cannot know, for the things of God knoweth no man, but the Spirit of God. Let faith support us where reason fails, and we shall think because we believe, not in order that we may believe." AW Tozer in The Knowledge of the Holy p 12

Crunch time! (AKA Contentment)

Call it pinchin' pennies if you prefer... I think most people are really feeling the effects of our troubled economy. For those of us who were living on a fairly tight budget before, it can be an incredible challenge at times -- okay, all the time. I won't go into the details of our finances -- boring. There will always be those who are better off and always be those who are worse off than we are. I am just thankful we have our home, can pay our bills on time and have all our needs -- and then some...

With Josh gone for the entire summer, I don't think we have felt the crunch from rising food prices quite as drastically as others -- yet. In my very, very excited state of anticipating his homecoming (nine days -- but who's counting?), I am also trying to think through the practical things like menus, groceries, school lunches, etc. It seems with every purchase I make these days -- anything from clothes to gum -- I stop and ask myself, "Do we really need this?" There are those things I have decided we don't need that I have either completely stopped buying or drastically cut down on (chips, for instance). These are things that we might enjoy but that aren't beneficial and certainly not budget-friendly. These have become what they should have been all along -- an occasional treat. There are also things I feel we really do need that we just can't swing right now, which brings me right back to the evaluation stage.

Philippians 4:11-13 says, "Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

I Timothy 6:6-12, "But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and raiment let us be therewith content. But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition. For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness. Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, whereunto thou art also called, and hast professed a good profession before many witnesses."

Philippians 4:19, "But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus."

Wow! It's time to really start believing and living these verses. So, I evaluate:

1. Do I really trust that God will provide all my need?

2. Do I really believe He knows my needs versus my wants better than I do?

3. Am I satisfied just to have food and clothes?

4. Am I satisfied to have just enough food -- no excess?

5. Am I satisfied to have just water to drink?

6. Am I satisfied with any clothes?

7. Is my focus to follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness?

8. Am I fighting the good fight of faith or am I fighting "giving up" things to make ends meet?

9. Am I "laying hold" on eternal life, or am I trying to get my hands on more?

I have always measured my state of contentment based on being satisfied to have less than others are satisfied to have. (How silly is that?) Now for the true heart test... Am I content with God? Is He enough? Is His judgement of what I need at this season of life enough? Friend, how can I say no? How can I be discontent at the supply given by the One who was willing to give up everything, including His life, for me? There is much contemplating to be done on this matter.

One last thought on this.... Today, our pastor spoke on how the church in America has allowed much compromise. We have stepped out of the Light and become accustomed to walking in darkness. (I wrote about this in the blog http://foofycoffeelover.blogspot.com/2008/04/light-versus-darkness.html.) Do you think if we are forced to become somewhat minimalistic in our lifestyle, we might also be forced to take a look at what things are truly valuable versus the things we have or do that have no eternal value? What about things that truly are ungodly that we passively or actively allow (TV, music, etc)? Perhaps there will be much, much benefit in our lives if we are forced to place a value on everything in order to assess whether it is something we really can do without... Maybe, this is the exact place we want to be! "...for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content..." Is it true?

Some Pics of Punk in China

Can I just say how much I really miss my boy? He's been gone since June 10th, but will be back in just 11 days on August 12th. Here are a few pics I found of him in China -- looks like a hair cut is in order! :o) I just can't wait to see him in person and hear all about his great adventure!