It seems I have spent a great deal of time this summer dealing with fear. This, of course was precipitated by Josh, my 15-year-old, spending the summer doing mission work in China. My biggest times of fear are when he is traveling. Yesterday he flew from Xining to Shanghai, and will fly home from there on Tuesday after a couple of days of touring. So, of course, those ugly fears have been trying to get the best of me -- again...
This morning as I was walking and praying, I said some words I have uttered at least hundreds of times over the years, "..thank you for sending Jesus..." I literally stopped in my tracks as I was struck anew by the magnitude of this truth. God sent his only begotten, beloved Son to minister, to manifest the love of God and ultimately to be despised, rejected, tortured and killed. This thought literally takes my breath away.
My son has been busy doing work with eternal value this summer. There are souls that will experience eternal life rather than eternal death because of the manner in which God allowed him to spend the last nine weeks. Yet, that eternal life would not even be possible had God not willingly given His son for the ultimate purpose of dying. I have rejoiced at the opportunity Josh has been given and shed tears of joy as I have heard some of his stories. I have also shed tears from missing him and tears as I have feared for his safety. I have been surprised by my own reluctance and resistance to letting go.
I have pondered these things -- God's willingness versus my struggle. I have wrestled with feelings of condemnation, guilt, etc. Why have I had such a difficult time trusting God in this? Why has it been so incredibly hard to let go when this mission has been so obviously orchestrated by God from the very beginning? Then it hit me. It's perspective -- again.
God has a perfect understanding of eternal life versus eternal death. I only have an understanding of the pain of temporal loss, accentuated by the loss of my mother this summer. God knows as only God can what it means when something has eternal value. My knowledge and understanding are limited by the constraints of time, space and my earthen vessel. Oh, I pray that as I seek to know God's mind, He will do me the great honor bestowing His abundant grace that I might allow His mind to be more a part of me than my own mind.
I John 3:1, "Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God..."
I John 4:9-10, "In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propititation for our sins.
I John 4:18, "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love."
I am humbled. I am awed.
This morning as I was walking and praying, I said some words I have uttered at least hundreds of times over the years, "..thank you for sending Jesus..." I literally stopped in my tracks as I was struck anew by the magnitude of this truth. God sent his only begotten, beloved Son to minister, to manifest the love of God and ultimately to be despised, rejected, tortured and killed. This thought literally takes my breath away.
My son has been busy doing work with eternal value this summer. There are souls that will experience eternal life rather than eternal death because of the manner in which God allowed him to spend the last nine weeks. Yet, that eternal life would not even be possible had God not willingly given His son for the ultimate purpose of dying. I have rejoiced at the opportunity Josh has been given and shed tears of joy as I have heard some of his stories. I have also shed tears from missing him and tears as I have feared for his safety. I have been surprised by my own reluctance and resistance to letting go.
I have pondered these things -- God's willingness versus my struggle. I have wrestled with feelings of condemnation, guilt, etc. Why have I had such a difficult time trusting God in this? Why has it been so incredibly hard to let go when this mission has been so obviously orchestrated by God from the very beginning? Then it hit me. It's perspective -- again.
God has a perfect understanding of eternal life versus eternal death. I only have an understanding of the pain of temporal loss, accentuated by the loss of my mother this summer. God knows as only God can what it means when something has eternal value. My knowledge and understanding are limited by the constraints of time, space and my earthen vessel. Oh, I pray that as I seek to know God's mind, He will do me the great honor bestowing His abundant grace that I might allow His mind to be more a part of me than my own mind.
I John 3:1, "Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God..."
I John 4:9-10, "In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propititation for our sins.
I John 4:18, "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love."
I am humbled. I am awed.
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