Tuesday, August 28, 2012

The Doubter's Dilemma

Thomas' thoughts battled for position. I want to believe what the guys are telling me. I really want to believe that he is here. In the past I have always seen him with my own eyes -- seen his unusual ways and his amazing miracles. But the last thing I saw was his lifeless body. Always before I have heard him with my own ears -- heard his unconventional teaching and powerful words. But the last thing I heard him say was "It is finished." Before his unexpected death, if I wanted to believe he was here, I could just reach out and touch him with my own hands -- touch a body pulsating with so much life it gave life to others. But the last time I could touch him, he had no pulse and certainly no life-giving capability. No, I can't believe. I won't believe. Unless I can see the scars in his hands and touch them...unless I can actually put my hand into his side where the spear entered, I won't believe that this man claiming to be Jesus is actually Him. It is impossible!


What day is it anyway? They're dragging one to the other with imperceptible difference. It has been..hmmm...eight days since the guys told me he showed up. I knew it wasn't true. If it were true, he would have been here by now. After all, he showed himself to Mary right away. He appeared to the others quickly as well. If it really was him, he wouldn't have made me wait this long. This impersonator knows I'm onto him so he is keeping his distance.  Why am I even bothering to stay in this closed up room with these guys? I should just get on with my life. What? Who's calling  my name. Where did this man come from? The doors were locked. How did he get in here? He's asking me to look at his hands and to put my hand into his side. Oh, God, he is telling me to quit being faithless but to believe... Jesus?! It really is him! How? Oh, I can't look at him. I should have known! Of course he is alive. Of course the others saw him.  I knew that always before his ways were unusual but amazing.  I knew in the past he was unconventional but powerful.  I knew he was...is?...a lifegiver.  Oh, why didn't I believe? Why? Why?

I John tells us that the disciples had seen and touched the Word of Life. After the resurrection, most of the disciples were allowed to see Jesus and touch the scars from his crucifixion before they were asked to believe. Sometimes God gives us those tangible, faith-building moments. But faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. Without faith, it is impossible to please God. Those faith-building moments will be tested! Jesus said, "Blessed are they which have not seen and yet have believed." What has God promised you? Be blessed today -- believe!

And he believed in the LORD; and he counted it to him for righteousness. (Gen 15:6)

No comments: